Reposted with photos
(TW: childhood abuse and S.A) this has a lot of backstory that’s needed, it is a long one so strap in!!
My (20) boyfriend’s (19) mom(49) cornered me in a bathroom. It’s fucking crazy and this happened last night so I’m still shaken a bit so I apologize for the long story. But I feel totally violated and unsafe in her house now.
For my backstory a bit, I did not have a good home life, my mother was a mean drunk and took her anger out on me physically and emotionally anytime she was upset at something, and for that I still have trauma scars and get nervous around confrontation, I’ve also been S.Aed and raped, so my boundaries with people touching me and my personal space are very important as you can imagine.
For our backstory, we’ve been together 9 months almost 10, and for some of that time I was unemployed and was at his house multiple times a week while he was at his full time job working 9 hrs 5 days a week. We stay in the basement, there’s a bathroom and living room space, so while I was there I’d do my absolute best to keep it spotless and I mean SPOTLESS.
He works in the mechanical field and is very tired at this job, so I tried my best to take on that load so that he could relax in a clean environment since I was there all the time, I cleaned his room made his bed, did his laundry, folded and put away said laundry, swept and vacuumed, took our dishes up and cleaned the bathroom.
I treat it better than my own space. He acknowledged everything I’d do and appreciated it all and with the dynamic I didn’t mind. It was the LEAST I could do, his mom would always come down and say it looks amazing and it looks so clean and he would always tell her it was because of me, but anytime it’d start to get messy she would say “we should all do a house clean” or vaguely throw out deep cleaning our bathroom once a week,going through the storage all together, or subtle things like “I just want to have a daily clean for the house” its important I promise.
Fast foreward to now, I’ve had a job for a little over a month and I’m not over as much, only the weekend and Friday because I don’t work, I would still clean like usual but I noticed that when I’d come back over it’d look the same as last weekend, so I only cleaned mine and the shared mess and my boyfriend took the small hint and said he understands we’re both working and it’s not all on me, his mom however does not.
I started to get this feeling that the things she was saying before were directed at me, because she knew I was the one keeping the basement clean.
Here’s where shit hits the fan. My boyfriend and I got back from a festival and wanted to relax and she came down angry cleaning, I think you all know the message in that, he followed her upstairs I’m assuming to see if everything was okay and I heard them start arguing, he called her greedy over a garage sale they just had because she wanted to split it evenly with her boyfriend, but give the people spending hours sorting through HER shit 50$ out of 500 that was made I’m not even kidding. Which yea is kinda greedy and not very appreciative for people spending their whole day helping you.
Then she started going on about how I never respect her space and her, and about how I never clean up after myself, my boyfriend stood up for me saying he never cleans it’s only me and he stood his ground on it, and that she’s being very dismissive and greedy and she stormed down to ask ME if she was greedy
Honestly I felt very offended and hurt at what I heard her say so I was picking things up trying to keep my composure so I may have come across cold, but I just said “no I don’t think you are” and she said something about how it’s never clean pointing at a pile of clothes on the floor and the unmade bed? and I looked her dead in the eye and said “I do clean very often actually” trying to just stand up for myself and she snapped at me saying “don’t talk to me like that” and went on this whole rant yelling at me about how she’s given me so many things and bought me so many things just for me to disrespect her space and her, and I just started sobbing
I never asked for any of that, I always clean up after myself and her son, I asked her why she’s yelling at me and she said “because he called me greedy” and I said it’s not my fault , she said “but it’s not fair”, that’s not fair? You’re yelling at me for being mad at your son. Get it together. He then started yelling at her to not take it out on me and she stormed upstairs and he came and comforted me, not even 3 minutes later she stormed down and this is how that conversation went.
Mom: I need to speak with you please
Me: (sobbing) I’m not ready please give me a bit
Mom: we’re both adults we can talk
Bf: you can’t force a conversation
Mom: you need to leave so I can speak with her
Bf: that’s not okay you can’t do that
I yelled at her to leave me alone and give me space and I went in the bathroom to calm down because I was just really overwhelmed
I still cant believe this fucking happened, my boyfriend walked to his room to grab his phone while he was still talking to her and she rushed over and shut herself in the bathroom with me and shoved herself against the door basically barricading herself in so I couldn’t get it open, I’m literally pushing her away from the door trying to pry it open and she’s trying to push me back, I’m trying so hard to get the door open my boyfriend thought she locked the door.
I’m begging her to just leave me alone and she said “I’m going to give you a hug” I said no and she started walking to me with her arms out and I would’ve fucking snapped on her, it’s like trying to pet a growling dog you’re NOT going to get a good response.
My boyfriend said he could hear me begging her to let me out and when i said no and sounded so scared he didn’t know what else to do, he broke the door down before she could even touch me. I feel bad his hands cut up but I’m so thankful I honestly don’t know how I would’ve reacted to get out of that situation, fight or flight was kicking in and it was NOT the latter.
She then ran upstairs saying “I need to get out of this space” and he followed her asking what the fuck that was because I mean yea what the FUCK was that? Why would she ever think that’s okay to do.
She shut the door saying please just give me space and he yelled at her “why do you get to have that option now but she doesn’t” then she heard him on the phone with his dad talking about it (they’re divorced and have been for most of his life) and immediately said can I talk to your dad, assuming to spin her narrative of “just trying to apologize and be nice”
after that she told my boyfriend that she just wants to feel respected and wants me to feel comfortable upstairs when he’s not around and that I’d make conversation with her and get this “maybe come up and clean a little”. She got offended when my boyfriend said that’s going to take time now and said that she just wants to talk to me. I felt so out of control.
Everything she’s given me is boxed up, I don’t care what she does with it but I’m not accepting gifts from her anymore. They both want me to speak with her soon, I know my boyfriends on my side he was very upset on my behalf, but I do think this tension between us is uncomfortable so he just wants it dealt with.
I on the other hand just think that’s all to make her feel better on her behalf, I don’t want to talk to someone on their terms when they violated my boundary very severely. I just don’t know if I’m in the right at all, I feel like maybe I could’ve done a better job but i also don’t know why that expectation to clean up after 4 adults daily was there and still there when I’m only over on the weekends.
I feel pressured to talk to her soon and I don’t want to even see her honestly. Was I in the wrong? I feel bad my boyfriend is caught in the middle and that he broke the door down???it makes me feel the pressure to speak with her, but this JUST happened and I’m not ready. That woman made me feel so unsafe and triggered by things I’m not fully healed from honestly. What do I do? Was I being disrespectful?
Edit: she was a special education teacher for 20 years, and quit a few years ago, tells people all the time,I think so she can come off as a nurturing and empathetic person. But yet violated a very important role of that work, bodily autonomy.
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Backup of the post’s body: Reposted with photos
(TW: childhood abuse and S.A) this has a lot of backstory that’s needed, it is a long one so strap in!!
My (20) boyfriend’s (19) mom(49) cornered me in a bathroom. It’s fucking crazy and this happened last night so I’m still shaken a bit so I apologize for the long story. But I feel totally violated and unsafe in her house now.
For my backstory a bit, I did not have a good home life, my mother was a mean drunk and took her anger out on me physically and emotionally anytime she was upset at something, and for that I still have trauma scars and get nervous around confrontation, I’ve also been S.Aed and raped, so my boundaries with people touching me and my personal space are very important as you can imagine.
For our backstory, we’ve been together 9 months almost 10, and for some of that time I was unemployed and was at his house multiple times a week while he was at his full time job working 9 hrs 5 days a week. We stay in the basement, there’s a bathroom and living room space, so while I was there I’d do my absolute best to keep it spotless and I mean SPOTLESS.
He works in the mechanical field and is very tired at this job, so I tried my best to take on that load so that he could relax in a clean environment since I was there all the time, I cleaned his room made his bed, did his laundry, folded and put away said laundry, swept and vacuumed, took our dishes up and cleaned the bathroom.
I treat it better than my own space. He acknowledged everything I’d do and appreciated it all and with the dynamic I didn’t mind. It was the LEAST I could do, his mom would always come down and say it looks amazing and it looks so clean and he would always tell her it was because of me, but anytime it’d start to get messy she would say “we should all do a house clean” or vaguely throw out deep cleaning our bathroom once a week,going through the storage all together, or subtle things like “I just want to have a daily clean for the house” its important I promise.
Fast foreward to now, I’ve had a job for a little over a month and I’m not over as much, only the weekend and Friday because I don’t work, I would still clean like usual but I noticed that when I’d come back over it’d look the same as last weekend, so I only cleaned mine and the shared mess and my boyfriend took the small hint and said he understands we’re both working and it’s not all on me, his mom however does not.
I started to get this feeling that the things she was saying before were directed at me, because she knew I was the one keeping the basement clean.
Here’s where shit hits the fan. My boyfriend and I got back from a festival and wanted to relax and she came down angry cleaning, I think you all know the message in that, he followed her upstairs I’m assuming to see if everything was okay and I heard them start arguing, he called her greedy over a garage sale they just had because she wanted to split it evenly with her boyfriend, but give the people spending hours sorting through HER shit 50$ out of 500 that was made I’m not even kidding. Which yea is kinda greedy and not very appreciative for people spending their whole day helping you.
Then she started going on about how I never respect her space and her, and about how I never clean up after myself, my boyfriend stood up for me saying he never cleans it’s only me and he stood his ground on it, and that she’s being very dismissive and greedy and she stormed down to ask ME if she was greedy
Honestly I felt very offended and hurt at what I heard her say so I was picking things up trying to keep my composure so I may have come across cold, but I just said “no I don’t think you are” and she said something about how it’s never clean pointing at a pile of clothes on the floor and the unmade bed? and I looked her dead in the eye and said “I do clean very often actually” trying to just stand up for myself and she snapped at me saying “don’t talk to me like that” and went on this whole rant yelling at me about how she’s given me so many things and bought me so many things just for me to disrespect her space and her, and I just started sobbing
I never asked for any of that, I always clean up after myself and her son, I asked her why she’s yelling at me and she said “because he called me greedy” and I said it’s not my fault , she said “but it’s not fair”, that’s not fair? You’re yelling at me for being mad at your son. Get it together. He then started yelling at her to not take it out on me and she stormed upstairs and he came and comforted me, not even 3 minutes later she stormed down and this is how that conversation went.
Mom: I need to speak with you please
Me: (sobbing) I’m not ready please give me a bit
Mom: we’re both adults we can talk
Bf: you can’t force a conversation
Mom: you need to leave so I can speak with her
Bf: that’s not okay you can’t do that
I yelled at her to leave me alone and give me space and I went in the bathroom to calm down because I was just really overwhelmed
I still cant believe this fucking happened, my boyfriend walked to his room to grab his phone while he was still talking to her and she rushed over and shut herself in the bathroom with me and shoved herself against the door basically barricading herself in so I couldn’t get it open, I’m literally pushing her away from the door trying to pry it open and she’s trying to push me back, I’m trying so hard to get the door open my boyfriend thought she locked the door.
I’m begging her to just leave me alone and she said “I’m going to give you a hug” I said no and she started walking to me with her arms out and I would’ve fucking snapped on her, it’s like trying to pet a growling dog you’re NOT going to get a good response.
My boyfriend said he could hear me begging her to let me out and when i said no and sounded so scared he didn’t know what else to do, he broke the door down before she could even touch me. I feel bad his hands cut up but I’m so thankful I honestly don’t know how I would’ve reacted to get out of that situation, fight or flight was kicking in and it was NOT the latter.
She then ran upstairs saying “I need to get out of this space” and he followed her asking what the fuck that was because I mean yea what the FUCK was that? Why would she ever think that’s okay to do.
She shut the door saying please just give me space and he yelled at her “why do you get to have that option now but she doesn’t” then she heard him on the phone with his dad talking about it (they’re divorced and have been for most of his life) and immediately said can I talk to your dad, assuming to spin her narrative of “just trying to apologize and be nice”
after that she told my boyfriend that she just wants to feel respected and wants me to feel comfortable upstairs when he’s not around and that I’d make conversation with her and get this “maybe come up and clean a little”. She got offended when my boyfriend said that’s going to take time now and said that she just wants to talk to me. I felt so out of control.
Everything she’s given me is boxed up, I don’t care what she does with it but I’m not accepting gifts from her anymore. They both want me to speak with her soon, I know my boyfriends on my side he was very upset on my behalf, but I do think this tension between us is uncomfortable so he just wants it dealt with.
I on the other hand just think that’s all to make her feel better on her behalf, I don’t want to talk to someone on their terms when they violated my boundary very severely. I just don’t know if I’m in the right at all, I feel like maybe I could’ve done a better job but i also don’t know why that expectation to clean up after 4 adults daily was there and still there when I’m only over on the weekends.
I feel pressured to talk to her soon and I don’t want to even see her honestly. Was I in the wrong? I feel bad my boyfriend is caught in the middle and that he broke the door down???it makes me feel the pressure to speak with her, but this JUST happened and I’m not ready. That woman made me feel so unsafe and triggered by things I’m not fully healed from honestly. What do I do? Was I being disrespectful?
Edit: she was a special education teacher for 20 years, and quit a few years ago, tells people all the time,I think so she can come off as a nurturing and empathetic person. But yet violated a very important role of that work, bodily autonomy.
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Nta you weren’t being disrespectful but both of them are taking advantage of you. It isn’t your job to clean up after him or her in a house you don’t even live in. He’s an adult he needs to clean up after himself and split chores with her. Cornering yourself in a bathroom with someone who is scared is unacceptable
Sounds exhausting just reading for everyone involved
You can’t control her, only you.
Don’t go over there anymore. That is no longer your hang out. It is not a safe space.
[deleted]
You going over there to clean like that is your job is very messed up. This whole relationship sounds messed up and preditory
I think your boyfriend needs to find a place somewhere else. Its not safe for your mental health to be hanging around that house. Sort things out with her as rationally as you can. And get the hell out of there
Yeah, stop going over. It won’t matter much anyway if you never see her again. You’re young and chances are this isn’t the guy you’re going to end up with. Just minimize the emotional damage by staying away from that house.
If either of them start with saying she wants to apologize you can take it over a phone call or not. But still keep contact with her at a minimum. She’s nuts. This situation won’t matter in a few years when you’ve moved on to something better.
So, you spent every single day, all day over there and mention “taking your dishes upstairs” and being annoyed she brought up helping clean shared spaces. You’re also pissed because she only wanted to share $50 for helping sort through stuff for a garage sale, which sounds like it’s her stuff and a sale she put on. Was your bf paying rent or utilities or anything? Because if you were there in her house just “taking your dishes upstairs” then I can see why she’s annoyed. You and your bf sound exhausting. Move out, get your own place. She doesn’t owe it to two adults to let them stay in her home and act like they’re being good people just because they bring their own dishes upstairs for her to do. The pics also come across as disingenuous, your title makes it seem like she broke the door and not your bf. He destroyed part of her home, don’t be surprised when neither of you are allowed in the home ever again.
Despite your past and the trauma you have endured it would never be ok to corner someone to try and make them talk to you after they said they didn’t want to and it’s never ok to try and force someone to hug/touch you in any way especially after they told you no.
The mom sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do and sounds very self absorbed. I would do whatever you could to not go to his house as often and it’s definitely not your responsibility to clean up a whole house you don’t even live in.
Cleaning your boyfriend’s area and any mess you make is one thing but cleaning any other part of the house doesn’t make sense and seems like the mom only wants you around for free labor.
Pack some heat…
While your bf sounds like he could be a safe place for you, I think this relationship is doomed. He still lives with his mom. She’s hostile and controlling.
They both seem to think you should be cleaning up when you don’t even live there.
You said because you weren’t over all the time, he understood why you couldn’t clean. It’s HIS room. You shouldn’t be expected to clean. He should be apologizing for not cleaning his OWN SPACE when he knows you’re coming over.
I think you need to step back, end the relationship, and have therapy before starting a new relationship.
You didn’t do anything wrong, but this is obviously an unsafe and triggering environment for you.
You both sound exhausting. Save up and go somewhere else if that’s a possibility.
She sounds bi-polar or something similar… you two need your own space, period.
When I walk into this burning building I seem to get burnt, I was a burn victim as child so I find this extra triggering to become burned.
🧐
blocking the doorway like that is a form of physical harassment.
K
Definitely don’t go over there anymore. You’re not welcome there at all. You and your boyfriend should be saving for an apartment together.
Don’t go back to that house.
NTA and your boyfriend may have stood up for you, but thats not enough. Now he has to stand his ground and tell his mother she does not have the right to speak to you, and that you will decide when its been long enough to speak with her. You can also never speak to her and if your boyfriend isn’t OK with that then it may just be that the relationship shouldn’t continue.
Even if you take out all of the story of your childhood and you had 0 triggers nothing about this story is ok. Her thinking its your job to clean up because you did it for a while, her abusing you because she is mad at her son, her trying to force you to accept an apology, her trying to physically touch you in that attempt. None of it is ok and she is lucky you didnt think to press charges.
you definitely shouldn’t go there again, let alone have a conversation with her, especially if you don’t want to, and if your boyfriend can’t understand that, well, i don’t know what to tell you, but the whole dynamic of the relationship and with his family is very strange, i don’t understand why a grown ass man can’t clean up after himself, of course you can help him if you want, but why the hell is there an expectation that you’ll clean for him weekly like you’re the cleaning lady? and more importantly, clean up after everyone else? everyone here is taking advantage of your free labour.
again, what his mom did, regardless of the person’s background, was VERY WRONG, you don’t just go and corner a person in an enclosed space and insist on touching the person when they are literally screaming and crying, and begging that you don’t touch them. and then she has the nerve to lock herself in her room and ask for space? and try to manipulate the situation? i don’t see how you benefit from trying to fix things with her, and you shouldn’t be forced to try, she clearly has narcissistic tendencies at the very least.
Don’t try and escape your bad home life by latching onto a man. It’s one of the worst things girls in your position can do. Get into school, get a job, start making a life for yourself that won’t leave you dependent on a man for a place to live and financial support. As nice as your boyfriend might be, his home is not a good environment for you. Either figure out a plan with him where you both get your own place, or save up your money and look for roommates and get a place yourself.
Its time for your own Home. When you live at home as an adult couple, many parents are like this. There’s nothing you can do except move out. If I were you, I wouldn’t enter her house again.
I’d stay away
Tell her to leave you tf alone before you file an assault charge AND false imprisonment. Crazy b**ch.
You don’t need to talk to her again but you also can’t go over there anymore. If you want to distance yourself from her emotionally, you need to do it physically as well.
If he doesn’t want to cut ties with his mom I don’t see this lasting long term. Just saying.
You should end this
She hasn’t changed that shit green carpet from the 70’s… she’s a mental case
You need to ditch this family and press charges! Run from this family as fast as you can
Way too much information.
This is pretty simple. Mom is crazy. Stay clear
Don’t go back. This is a warning of even worse things to come and what she is capable of. To be honest you’re never going to win this and will turn her son against you.
There is, without a doubt, so much more to this story. This is just the straw that broke the camels back and the narrative from one point of view. Shitty situation for everyone involved.
Please stay away from her.
You don’t have to be nice to her ever again. You don’t have to talk to her ever again.
Tell your bf that if he dares to force you to talk to her, you will leave him.
Time to move on from him and his family. Don’t ever go back there and good luck to you!
Now that you have a job, you can start saving for a safe apartment of your own.
There’s a very simple solution to this.
Don’t go over there ever again.
I think this lady is trying to get close to you. I think she wants to spend time with you without her son, idk her intentions, but if she locked herself in the room with you to give you a hug.. maybe her son is growing up, and youre a serious girlfriend, you already occupied a space in her house (i am aware you are adults, she probably is TOO AWARE of this.) Im not asking you really to see it from her side, im just trying to see if maybe this wasnt… “oh shes not cleaning my whole house, better violate her boundaies.” Im not claiming to be aware of your bf and his moms relationship, but id say that all that free time that hes spending with you, a good chunck of that 10 months ago or so probably went to her. Yes shes crazy, her son is growing up, working seemingly full time and is now settling down in her basement. Its different for times of change, maybe she felt like she was losing control of the situation, she seems a bit emotionally immature. It doesnt seem like you and her had a bad relationship before hand… but it wasnt like yall were watching movies together. I try to talk to everyone who lives in my house atleast twice a day, but my dynamic is a bit… older crowd lmao.
It is genuinely up to you to decide where you want to go with this, It could be the first of many outbursts of these behaviors, or it could be someone who felt like they were losing control, didnt know what to do, things got tense, you tried to get away, she saw things werent going how she thought, she tries to dmg control with the force hug. Idk because ive had people like talk loudly for people outside of the room and then mutter quietly aggressively at me. I have no idea how or where i would go with this, if i wanted to marry the bf like DOWWWWN THHHEEE LIIIINEEE. I would try and talk to her in a safe space. Maybe public, maybe not. Make your points, if a boundary is crossed, the best thing to do is make sure the boundary is and was cleary established and if you feel like it firmly was, then tell the feeling. Tell her, say it. “You put me in an unsafe space. You made me feel unsafe. You broke my boundary. I dont know if i can continue a relationship with you until you ; name your terms.” I know locking yourself in the bathroom with someone and forcing a hug is crazy, but in the heat of an arguement and when a control freak looses control it kinda makes the freak come out!!!
Im not saying forgive her for her, im saying forgive her for you!! Set terms your comfortable if you forsee having her in your life later on down the line… or even tomorrow!
I dont really know what you can do, i know internally that was crazy, escalated, entrapment. You guys were arguing before, so many things she doesnt control anymore, it does not give her a right to try to control you. I feel like maybe that should be explained. I feel like this crazy lady is trying to be friends with you, she brings up gifts but is upset you dont go upstairs… you know you cant make people hang out with you… but the odds are maybe youre special? Maybe she thinks you are. Not like dumb, but maybe your boyfriend cares about you differently than he has cared for potential exs (if any).
It sucks to have trauma. Traumatic experiences can make any level of energy feel extremely intense.
Let me just say, i hope you heal completely. I hope she grows as a person, and emotionally matures. Relationships go both ways and maybe she was being malicious, but i mean maybe she was thinking quickly not smartly when that thing happened after argument.
I know this is gonna seem like victim blaming and thats not how i mean this, but if you feel like maybe you need to get away, maybe a front porch or a sidewalk or a gazebo or some alley near by. (I live in a small town, alleys are okay ish here, and sometimes the people let their really nice kitties out and they have pretty collars)
But if you feel like you get away, maybe going into a room with a single exit isnt the move.
I wish you luck.
Im so sorry this happened.
I hope you dont throw this person away it seems like she cares about you both.
Unpopular opinion but im a family oriented person and it seems like you lived there and spent time there for some time.
Much love.
You were not disrespectful and did nothing wrong. If she tries to tell you differently she is wrong, not you. And even if you did do something wrong, it does not justify this behavior. People with good intentions don’t just punish people for behavior they don’t like they discuss it and come up with a solution. It is nice your BF advocated for you but it still does not seem healthy. This whole relationship seems unbalanced and I worry you feel obligated to do these things for him because you think you have to prove your value to him. To reiterate, it’s nice of you to go and help your bf out and I’m not saying to never do it but it shouldn’t be treated as your responsibility. You do it when you can and feel like it not because it’s expected and he should do the same for you when you need extra love and nurturing.
This whole post makes me sad and I hope you don’t in an abusive marriage because it feels impossible to get out of these things when you don’t have support.
whatttttt the helllll this woman is crazyyyy
good on your boyfriend but got damn she had a mental breakdown or something. take a healthy dose of distance from that place if i were you
What an unhinged adult..
I’m sorry a grown woman would do such a thing to someone, who is essentially still a teenager (no shots fired, you’re just still so young to me 33f.)
I hope you and your boyfriend can navigate this in peace.
Congratulations on your job!!! 🤗 💜
lol brats
If you don’t live there, you shouldn’t be there when your boyfriend isn’t. It sounds like he needs a new place, too.
Also no, i do not think that emotional outburst was about you!! I really think she thinks shes losing her son, no thats not your fault, no its not fair to blame you, but i even look at the end of your post again and think this even more. Shes emotionally incapable of dealing with this because this is new (THIS IS NOT ON YOU!!!!) I Think the hUg was her way of trying to say that. Shes a hugger. Oh god a hugger.
You said your bf works long hours and that he works so hard that you want to keep his space clean because hes pretty much pooped when he gets home. Then you said you’re both spending less time there.
Then you said that she said “we should do a daily clean.” Using the word we… maybe she thinks you LIKE cleaning and wants to do it as a group to get it in with you!
The argument happened right after a date that she wasnt invited to, idk its a fair, kinda seems like it could have been a double date. Shes crazy man
I think shes losing control, and when you were cleaning she got used to it, you got a job and she lost her free cleaner.
I wouldnt be that emotional over a free cleaner i would have been like thanks for what you done.
But like
Maybe it was the control and the cleaning and then the not date idk maybe she wants to spend time with you just as girls and maybe she doesnt know how about that because shes had dudes and her son or whatever idk i dont know yall but i am just offering perspective.
What you experienced is your truth and that is valid, but her side is her truth. If she starts saying things that didnt happen shes either desperately trying to find a way to save that or shes just concerned with her own image but the gifts and stuff… that doesnt maybe seem to be the case.
The internet always demonizes people but really thats the devils job, and he does it to souls, not people.
Please go to therapy and fix the things you feel not healed from because she is not the monster your mom used to be.
I know she put you in that place
I dont think she meant to
If you do then dont forgive her and then scoot yourself and your bf if hes willing to away from contacting her but that is seriously drastic and PEOPLE DO JUST SUDDENLY DIE. The second day of 2025 took my Auntie Annie and she was one of the sweetest beans to ever be around. No contact has consequences. Reddit will tell you to throw people away. Do whats best for you.
Do you really never ever want to see her again or do you just want to never feel the way you did again?
Youre still developing so you dont have to be serious or a wife or anything other “OP, the employed.”
I think the mom is emotionally immature.
I think you need to heal your heart and realize a few things.
•you arent responsible for others emotions.
If someone is throwing emotions at you its because its their emotions and they are feeling these things and dont know how to deal with them.
Thats projecting. Dont let it stick to you.
•is this really about cleaning or is she losing control of herself and not adapting to change from having her high schooler son to her full time job grown man with a serious girlfriend.
•people are HUMAN. they breakdown, they cry, sometimes they go crazy. Sometimes going crazy is hugging someone in a bathroom they locked themselves into, sometimes its an extra burgerking sandwich.
•Your choices are yours. They are pressuring you to speak with her. Maybe she plans to apologize. Maybe as an adult she reflected and realizes she needs to apologise to you. Shes 49 years old. Shes had time to get into a swing of things, but also shes grown enough to take responsibility for her actions and that was unacceptable.
•if you never speak to her, she cannot apologize.
•i do not know this person i am only trying to understand something i read.
•please heal from your abuse. Its a looooooooong road. Start asap.
It’s weird that you’d be asked to clean. I can understand helping clean his space while you weren’t working but you were spending a lot of time over there, but cleaning the upstairs space? No. She’s also unstable. Don’t go over there. You guys are adults and he needs to get his own place. Do you have your own place? This was really bizarre and it sounds like you’re being taken advantage of. She’s toxic as hell.
Yeah not gonna lie , I ain’t reading all that.
Can already tell this whole situation just wild
First, get out of that house
Second, leave the boyfriend, you’re literally his new step in mum, you clean his room, make his bed and do his laundry…that’s mother behaviour
Third, get therapy
Fourth, get you some independence because the way you’re living is not the vibe
Chatgpt TLDR:
User’s boyfriend’s mom cornered her in a bathroom, violating her space after an argument.
User has a traumatic past, making physical boundaries critical.
She had cleaned the shared space regularly out of appreciation.
Mom criticized cleanliness, seeming to blame the user.
After a tense exchange, the mom forced herself into the bathroom to “hug” her.
User begged her to stop; boyfriend broke the door down to protect her.
Mom later claimed she wanted peace but still made demands.
User feels unsafe, pressured to talk, but isn’t ready and doesn’t believe she was wrong.
No boyfriend is worth dealing with this mom or space.
Stop going to his space. Period. Literally ever again. Until he moves out.
So the lazy jerk you’re dating never cleans up after himself? And both he and his mommy expect you to be their maid? That’s what I’m getting here.
Your boyfriend should move out. Parents, regardless of whether you’re paying rent or not, will always treat you like a child if you’re under their roof.
She’s lucky you don’t call the cops on her for false imprisonment. Please do not go to that house for your own safety! If she keeps trying to reach out to you, you can file an order of protection against her.
Your boyfriend should be on your side through this, but if he starts making you feel guilty or uncomfortable for not speaking to his mom, it’s better to cut him off. Your safety and happiness should take priority over his mom’s selfish desires.
Please stay safe, OP!!!
Don’t be where people don’t understand consent in some form, please. Stay safe.
Yeah just stay away she’s obviously unhinged. Good on your boyfriend though he sounds like a decent guy 👍
Sounds very trashy, like 90’s talk show families from the trailer park
I’m married to a person with a mom like that and I wish the people in my life were more vocal with me about leaving once I found out who she was. I never should have stayed.
I feel your boyfriend did everything right in those moments. Just saying that. He seems like a good one! But it seems it’s not a good space for either of you. She’s losing control over her nest and she’s freaking out.
I wouldn’t go over again, I would look at affordable places for you and your partner if possible.
I would write down your boundaries and bit by bit what she did wrong and she can apologise via letter too and if she truly acknowledges lessons being learnt, maybe a small meal in public is the only meeting time in future if you want any sort of relationship. It will take years!
convenience is gonna get you killed. as other people have said; try to become as independent as possible. either get roommates or make a plan with your bf to find an apartment to cohabitate without her around.
Good for him for being on your side. ✌️
What it all comes down to is she doesn’t really like you and it’s her house. You need to stop going over and imposing yourself into her space, if he really loves you he’ll come to you but don’t force yourself into her house or keep going over there when you know she’s weird towards you.
You need to stop going to that women’s home.
black + decker. nice 👌
You have been dating less than a year?
Stop calling her MOM. His Mama may be nuts…..but It’s not your home. You should NEVER be there if he’s not there. Letting yourself in is trespassing.
You’re not his mommy or his maid so stop acting like one. Don’t do his laundry or cleaning his bathroom. If he wants you to visit he can clean by himself.
My son’s GF when he was in college, used to walk into my house and hang out between classes in his room when he wasn’t there. I shut that shit down immediately. Mi Casa ain’t Su Casa.
As far as your trauma? It’s got nothing to do with either of them. She may be f’d up.
But you’re like the thing that won’t leave, and you’ve also crossed boundaries.
UpdateMe
Stay out of that insane woman’s house, make your boyfriend go see you at your place or in public.
You didn’t do anything wrong. At all.
His mother is a fucking lunatic. Has she ever behaved like this before towards anyone else? Is this new behavior for her? Unbelievable.
Your bf sounds like a good guy, but this is an intensely toxic and dangerous situation and environment.
Please don’t go back there.
You’re adults and wanna live in her house then complain.
She sold her stuff… why are you entitled to the $500
I had a terrible childhood and worked 3 jobs at 18 to live alone. When you live in someone’s house and they act crazy you don’t have to stay like what’s the issue? Fucking leave and don’t go back
if you continue to go over there, you’re letting her know that her behavior was acceptable. we all know it was NOT but she clearly enjoys having you (gifts, wanted a hug) but she’s crossed so many unhealthy boundaries as a boyfriend’s mother.
the only way she will reflect and learn is to lose access to you and feel that loss. you still going even if you’re not talking gives her hope it will “blow over”.
your boyfriend did a lot of supportive things while things escalated however his living situation needs to be addressed. you marry into the family to some degree. can this be salvaged? perhaps with help. but she needs time to reflect AWAY from you. she needs to apologize not just immediately but after she’s had time to truly feel the consequences of her actions.
the situation almost sounds like you’re a surrogate daughter of some kind where she can emotionally abuse you rely that you’ll stay around because you are a part of the household. but you aren’t at the end of the day. she needs help. but she won’t get it while you are around.
I mean here is the deal you either fix things with his Mom or end the relationship. It is never going to work if you don’t. So that’s a choice you need to make. Because you can try all you want to but that’s his Mom. I mean screaming just leave me alone and running to the bathroom probably made her want to comfort you. I don’t know how much she knows of your situation, so that’s also depends on that. But if you can’t fix it with her then I would end the relationship all together. You are young there will be other guys.
Honestly a lot of people are saying to leave your bf, and I disagree. He had your back here. He actually stood up against his mom for you, which is not a common quality in men these days unfortunately. She is insane. She’s expecting you to be a maid in exchange for you being there, which while you weren’t working, made sense. Now that you’re working, if she wants compensation for the time you are there, that’s money. Not cleaning up after her mess. I would stay away from the house, and mom, entirely, and would begin saving with your boyfriend for an apartment. You may need to look into finding friends to room with in a larger place to afford it, but if you are going to continue on with your boyfriend it should not be around your mom or in her house. Now that it’s escalated to this point and with you both being young, should it escalate again the adult homeowner will typically have a bit more weight to their words should police be involved and they may not believe you two, even if it is the truth. I would record any phone calls with her as well to cover your own bum.
You can’t go back there
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s heartbreaking to lose what felt like a safe, stable space—especially when your home life isn’t. I know that feeling all too well. My home life growing up was extremely unstable, and when I finally thought I had found a little bit of peace and consistency, it got ripped away just like that.
I’m really glad your boyfriend stood up for you—that says a lot about him. But it’s also worth thinking about the long term. If staying with him means staying connected to someone who treats you like that, it’s okay to question whether that’s something you want to carry forward.
I went through something similar with my high school boyfriend—his mom didn’t get physical, but she accused me of stealing, and it shattered the small sense of security I had. I stayed another year even though I knew it was over, and in hindsight, it just wasn’t worth it.
You deserve safety and peace, always.
I understand that you wanted to do your part by cleaning and keeping the space clean for your boyfriend and his mom but if I’m going to be honest, I think it’s INSANE that you would basically do chores for a house that you did not live in and for a man who you have only been with for a couple of months. The fact that his mom has taken advantage of your kindness and then disrespects your boundaries is so horrific and shows the kind of person she is. She does not deserve your forgiveness nor for you to even give her the time of day. Don’t talk to her ever again or go over there. Just like another commenter said, don’t rely on having your safe space ONLY be your boyfriend and his house because not only is that unreliable and unhealthy but his mom is unhinged as hell. I hope youre able to heal from this and that your boyfriend keeps supporting you but it can turn ugly because at the end of the day the problem is his mom and that is hard to get rid of.
There no way you should meet with her until you are 100% ready, if ever. Thats a hard no after that trauma. You also should not go over there, I’m sorry this happened
while i feel awful for you and this situation, you yourself need to reevaluate.
in this situation you did nothing wrong, however, what i can gather from this post is that you’re just at their house, and while he’s not there? why? why even be there while he’s not there at such a short span of a relationship. you’re TWENTY he is NINETEEN, you literally DO NOT need to be over there when he’s not there MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK. i get that the phrase “unemployed behavior” has been floating around on socials for a bit but this was genuinely unemployed behavior.
why are you at this man’s house cleaning up after him when he’s not even home. multiple times a week at that
why aren’t you trying to better yourself from your past trauma instead cause it still greatly affects you
you guys don’t ACTUALLY live together you don’t need to “lighten his load” from work. appreciative or not being at his mothers house when he’s not even there only after 10 ish months is overstepping a boundary of some kind. even if you guys had talked about it and hashed it out, there should still be a boundary there.
as far as this situation goes, it’s rough all around. she shouldn’t have taken anything out on you and should have just expressed that she felt that there were boundaries being crossed. i don’t support her behavior, i don’t support his either, and i don’t support yours for not leaving when she first showed signs of being upset or starting arguing with your boyfriend. you need to rethink being with this man because the reality is that you’re both adults but you’re still young. there is no need for him to be so encouraging cleaning up his own room after him and there’s no reason for you to even be doing it in the first place. if you don’t want to be stressed you’d really think about if he’s worth it cause from what it sounds like this is what the relationship will stay like
Work on yourself so people can not find any weakness in your being and can not come at you for any reason. No matter what you do to buy your way or compensate only working on yourself can heal and make yourself better no matter who you deal with while not standing for anyone’s bullshit in life.
While he is doing his best to protect you, you are young and can find a man with a more stable mother than this. You don’t need a nutter like this for the rest of your life. You don’t marry a person, you marry a family. Cut and run. You aren’t safe there.
Dude, she was not gonna hug you.
If she worked with nonverbal kids, I am sad for them.
She is not a safe or empathetic person, and she’s entitled as hell. If your boyfriend wants to keep living with her, that’s up to him, but you don’t have to go over there anymore.
And if he insists on defending her, she can have him.
I would leave and not go back. Just cut contact.
She is probably fed up with some stuff and expressing it very poorly obviously. And I doubt you were all that articulate in the heat of the moment ‘I’m not ready give me a bit’ ‘you can’t force conversation’ etc and maybe the garage sale money was in place of board money. Certainly I’m not on the side of what sounds like a psycho lady but I bet there was preceding factors. You’re young, live your life, don’t hang around a psycho lady’s basement
Here’s Johnny!
Just bonkers but I have seen this kind of behavior in two circumstances. One is a distinct perversion of southern affectations. Forcing hugs-it-outs, this sort of thing. “We’re all family” as if that alone fixes it is a common refrain. The other is the onset of FTD. I would guess she’s about the right age for symptoms to start. In either case I hate it. It’s more likely to escalate me than calm me down and I don’t have trauma like you do.
Did she quit teaching or get fired? I can’t imagine she would last long if this was her mindset/approach.
It is in no way the responsibility of you to clean a house that you don’t live in.
Your bf sounds like he did things mostly right in the moment. It might be worth it to clearly communicate that it was super triggering for you and attempts to force or rush a premature resolution before you are ready is much the same as her trying to force hug you when you didn’t want it. It has to be on your terms and your terms alone after this. Your speed is the only speed.
I haven’t seen you say anything that she has acknowledging what she did was wrong or apologized for it. It should be an absolute minimum starting point for her to articulate how she understands why what she did was wrong and how she will steer clear of it in the future.
Hang out at your place or a friends house or out in public. If you think he will be safe for you regarding his mother maybe get your own place together. But don’t go back to that house. It might be fine if she can handle boundaries but clearly she can’t. Don’t be anywhere with her that isn’t out in public.
Really a bummer. Your BF sounds like he might be solid but needs to understand his mom’s crazy will have a radically different effect on you compared to him. Standing up to her like he did, I would imagine, isn’t an option for you but that’s part of their family dynamic. That would take a lot of mutual understanding between you and him and ideally therapy to be able to navigate.
Don’t go there anymore. Move your things out. You deserve some peace…
She is a massive problem. Are you able to move somewhere? Sounds like she wouldn’t even agree to therapy either cause “I’m fine”. I people pleased a lot to survive but it destroyed me so idk good luck