Boyfriend of over a year is trying to respect his ex wife’s wishes and not allowing me around his kids. For context they were married 2 years, have been divorced a year and a half. When we first started dating he told me they had a rule that it has to be a year of dating before introducing someone to the kids. When we first started dating it got serious pretty fast.He actually moved into my apartment building in an apartment below me. He didn’t tell her that I lived in the same apartment building but a few months ago she found out. He has his boys two weekends a month at his place overnight and I have run into them a few times and he has told them I’m his girlfriend.
They were very curious about me and would ask about me whenever they were over at his place.Everytime he would ask his ex wife if me and the kids could officially meet she said no. I proposed the idea of me and her having a meet up so she feels more comfortable but she said no to that too. So a few weeks ago I pressed alittle about it and he finally bit the bullet and introduced them to me w/o telling her.They were very happy and we hit it off. His ex wife found out about it from the kids and was very angry. She said until further notice I couldn’t be around the kids even though I’ve already meet them and live in the same apartment building. There is no reason she doesn’t want me specially around the kids as I am a stable adult, I don’t do drugs or drink.
He told me she’s uncomfortable with another woman coming into their lives in general especially someone introduced as the girlfriend. I need advice on how I should proceed. I don’t have an ex husband or kids so this is all new to me. I’m glad he waited a year to introduce us because I feel that is a sufficient amount of time. Should I take a step back from asking him to see the kids again? He wants to respect her wishes but I think it has to do with her comfort level not the kids comfort as they have asked to see me and hang out with me multiple times.
TL;DR Need advice on how I should proceed about wanting to be around my boyfriends kids but his ex wife doesn’t want me around them. Should I give it a longer amount of time before pressing on the issue again. It’s been a year, and we are serious so should I put my foot down? I feel like I’m in a sticky spot because they aren’t my kids and I want his ex wife to be okay with me being around them. Tried offering to make her feel more comfortable by her and I meeting first but she feels it’s even too soon for that.
Comments
It’s two weekends a month. Don’t insert yourself into their lives. Stay away from them.
>> So a few weeks ago I pressed a little about it and he finally bit the bullet and introduced them to me w/o telling her.
I think you overstepped your boundaries here.
She has no rights to say who he can and can’t introduce the kids to. He waited a year. You guys should stop giving her any power.
What happens if you decide to live together. Hide from the children!
I think you should just go about your lives and if she says anything just shut her down.
What happens if your boyfriend makes a friend who’s male. And this man pops over when he has his kids. Is she also controlling about that?
You guys waited a year. That’s extremely generous and respectful. She needs to get over it.
He does realise he has just as much say and right as the mom, right?
They agreed on a year. He could have given her a heads up, but he doesn’t need to ask permission. That’s just mom’s way of controlling shit.
Tell your boyfriend that you will not insert yourself every time he has them as its two weekends a month, but you would like to slowly be included, like going to dinner, day at the zoo. No sleep overs while they stay. Slowly get to know them, and if he doesn’t put mom in her place the relationship won’t go anywhere
Is this the relationship you want to be in? Ex is going to be inserting herself into your life constantly, and boyfriend is going to let her do it. Every decisions with the kids is going to be a fight. You will never be able to go on vacation without a fight.