I (22F) was groped on my way home from university. It was late, about 10 pm (night college+ a lot of travel). I was in an auto. My mistake was sitting in the innermost corner. There were 2 other men sitting next to me. The guy sitting directly beside me (probably in his mid 30s) was fidgeting constantly. I remember looking at him and he smiled. Nothing malicious. He kept shifting in his seat and searching for his wallet in his pocket. I looked down and saw his hands between my legs. I don’t know what came over me. I removed his hands. I couldn’t speak. It’s important to note that the road the auto was on was extremely dimly lit and particulary unsafe part of the city. I debated getting off and to my surprise, the guy asked for the auto to stop and almost sprinted out of it. I wanted to stop the auto and go after him. I wanted to go to the police station but I couldn’t. I went home, cried to my parents and fell asleep. This was a week ago. Yesterday, I confided in my boyfriend (22M) about the situation. He was incredibly angry, said I should’ve immediately screamed, slapped the guy and taken him to the nearest police station. He kept saying women like me are why rapes happen. I know I should have, but I froze. I have been feeling immense guilt ever since. The guy was very tall and well-built. I don’t know why that’s of relevance, but I was afraid of him. I don’t trust the police in my city. I woke up to a barrage of messages from my (now ex) boyfriend saying he’s ashamed of me. He told his sister and she agreed with him. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I ended things with him. I don’t know what to do. I reacted poorly in that situation and that is going to haunt me forever.
Comments
What happened to you wasn’t your fault. Nothing hurts the victim more than being blamed for such things.
Good thing that you broke up with him. People like them are the worst to have around, because they suck away your life. Don’t take him back. This is just the start of something worse.
You can still report this incident and give the full description to the police. Don’t blame yourself. You were overwhelmed with the situation. The other two men could overpower you and harm you even more if they got more violent.
Take care of yourself. Remember, this incident wasn’t your fault. It was the fault of subhuman species who don’t deserve to live.
It’s not your fault. Your ex is a shithead. Him and his sister can go take a long walk off a short plank.
It’s not your fault. You froze, which is a perfectly valid and rational fear response.
Fight, flight, freeze, fawn and faint. Everyone reacts differently but these are responses that keep you alive. Your survival instincts kicked in and that’s all there is to it.
It’s not your fault.
Uhhhh no you didn’t react poorly, you were shocked. People who have never experienced something like this have absolutely no idea what they would actually do in that situation.
It’s people like your now ex (thank goodness) and his trash sister why people don’t report SA.
You are NOT to blame for someone you didn’t know putting their hands on you.
People like him are why men get away with SA. Blaming the victim for not reacting how they think you should react makes victims not want to report the crime. So glad you dumped that POS. Block him everywhere.
first and foremost GOOD FOR YOU.
Don’t feel bad about not reacting, I’ve been in that exact position and did the same thing.
It’s a fight/flight/frozen situation. You can scream and yell, totally runaway ot just freeze in the moment.
We don’t fully control how we react in a situation like this.
You did what you thought was best to protect you.
Proud if you for realizing you’re better, but don’t be so hard on yourself on your response. It happens and it was not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
You didn’t respond poorly, you responded out of instinct. To freeze its a common response to assault. You didn’t though, you removed his hand and stayed calm. That is a very good way to handle that situation I think. You’re standing up for yourself in a non threatening or aggressive manner.
Also, your response to your boyfriend: A+ no notes. Perfect response to assholes like him!
I’m sorry for what you’ve had to deal with, but I’m sure you’ll get through this. You sound like a smart, strong lady with good instinct. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
It’s not your fault but as someone from the same country I advice you not to travel after 9 or 10 because people like that guy are increasing really fast and police is becoming useless day by day
Carry a pepper spray with you and don’t travel alone after 8 this country is not safe for women or anyone know days so please be carefull while traveling
You know how the justice system worked here victims are blamed and harassed your ex is an example of it