I want to preface this with a disclaimer that there is nothing wrong with having tattoos if you want and like them. They aren’t my thing. Please don’t take this as a condemnation of tattoos or the people that get them as a whole.
My ex and I were together about a year. Early on in the relationship she had mentioned wanting to get some tattoos. I told her she had every right to do so since its her body, but I find tattoos very unattractive and I would likely break up if she went through with it. It became a small fight and she was cold and passive aggressive about it for a few days, but eventually she said she understood and would not be getting the tattoos done.
Fast forward to about two months ago and she makes another attempt to get me on board with tattoos. I reiterate my stance and tell her again she can do it, but I won’t stick around if she does. I went out of town to visit my cousin for a week and come home to her with a partial sleeve done. Her arm was basically one big scab. I ask her what’s going on and she just nonchalantly says her and her best friend had talked and agreed I was being unreasonable so she went ahead and used my time out of town to get it done so I wouldn’t be around to be a “buzzkill” about it. She said she got as much as the guy was willing to do in one sitting inked and once she was healed she planned to get it extended.
The tattoo was already a dealbreaker for me, but the blatant disrespect and casual way she was implying my opinion didn’t matter broke my feelings for her right there.
We fought and eventually she just told me to get the hell out and locked herself in the bathroom. Thank god she did this when she did because I was close to not renewing my lease at my apartment and moving in with her. Packed my shit up and left while she shit talked me to her best friend on the phone. Dropped her stuff off from my place the next day. She told me I was making a huge mistake and throwing a good thing away for petty reasons. I just handed her the bag and left. That was weeks ago. Didn’t hear from her until today.
She called me. Here’s a very brief summary of the call.
Her: Ok the petty drama has run its course. You can move back in and move on ok?
Me: No we are broken up. It’s over permanently. I don’t want to get back together.
Her: We aren’t getting back together. This was just a spat that got out of hand. You freaked out and left in a huff. I know you’re just too proud to admit you’re wrong so we’ll just call it even and you can come back.
Me: No I told you repeatedly that tattoos are a deal breaker. You did it anyway and then disrespected me on top of that with the way you went about it. We’re done. You can move on now. Find a guy that finds your new ink attractive because I find it repulsive and wouldn’t be able to look at you or that arm again.
Conversation goes in circles for a bit before I hang up. Then she tries sending me some nudes in an attempt to seduce me, but her body does nothing for me now and her sleeve was visible which, even after it healed, was gross and unflattering. Told her I deleted them and to leave me alone. Blocked.
She then messaged me on a snap saying she never agreed to a breakup and I owed her a conversation face to face if I wanted to end things. Blocked again.
I know it’s bad form to be a guy calling his ex crazy, but this girl is nuts.
Comments
Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
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You two were just incompatible. Nothing wrong with breaking up over it. On to the next adventure!
I mean you made your stance clear and she didn’t believe you. You’re allowed to have preferences dude. I think her shit talking you to her friend was not cool on her part.
Some people like that tattoos but others don’t. That being said, if the tattoo is a deal breaker she probably wasn’t the one for you
Move on and let her find someone who is ok with her tattoo. She isn’t getting it. You find someone who doesn’t care for them. Easy Peasy
I get that you don’t like tats but they don’t change a persons personality. It her body at the end of the day and to break up over it is pretty shallow.
Personally think that’s quite a shallow reason to break up with someone HOWEVER it likely means you just weren’t a good fit in multiple other ways, as shown by her bizarre reaction.
There is a lot to unpack. But mostly I’m just…. Why are tattoos such a dealbreaker for you? Why does she need to consult you when it comes to her own body? It’s good that you’re broken up because there is no way this would work long term, but gosh, why is a tattoo of all things the thing that clinches it?
I don’t understand your POV regarding tattoos but she’s delusional. With the way she handled this, there was no way the relationship would work out long-term so it’s best that it ended here.
She’s delusional and you’re judgemental. Really, your love is so weak that it can’t overlook a mere skin alteration? I hate to think what your opinion would have been had she had children and her body changed. Then again, you’d probably say that was ok because it was ‘natural’.
Either way, you’re both better off without each other. But when you’re talking to other potential partners about her, own your part of it and don’t just say “she was crazy”. Admit you don’t like tattoos and think less of people who have them. You say you don’t, but clearly you do.
Why did you continue dating someone who clearly wanted tattoos? That’s a shitty thing to do. You both should have really hashed that out more before continuing forward.
I’ll admit I stopped reading this after she got the tattoo, but the set up until that point was on both of yall, not just her.
Your love was weak anyway so I think she is better off!
Imagine needing someone’s permission to do with your own body. You get one life.
I’m not much of a tattoo person either and wouldn’t really be into it. That being said I’m thinking you guys really didn’t have as much in common as you initially thought. I think the bigger deal breaker was how she got as much as she could done while you were out of town. A sleeve is pretty hardcore compared to a simple tramp stamp. I see her testing other red lines in the future and jumping them to see how you would react. You likely dodged future incompatibility.
She is in denial right now. She made her choice, you made yours. You don’t owe her a conversation or any closure. Just block her everywhere and move on.. in time, she’ll figure out it’s really over. There’s someone out there for you, it’s just not her. Good luck !
Seeing all the angry tattooed people in this thread being angry at you is pretty funny. I also dont like them OP, youre allowed to have your preferences.
It’s a bit weird to go from considering a tattoo to a complete sleeve. I could understand her thinking of we will get back together had she some small tattoo on her ankle or something.
I know I am definitely older than OP and his ex, but I’ve seen a few of these posts about one side not accepting or agreeing to a breakup. When did that become an option? Even when people said a breakup was mutual it never really was, but now apparently, they have to be?
Hah! She listened too hard to her tattoo buddy friend, who convinced her that you would get over it.
WRONG!
Now she is losing her mind because she convinced herself this was all just some sort of tantrum on your part instead of actually listening to what you said.
SUCKS FOR HER.
Just keep blocking her and move on. You have no obligation to meet with her or ever see her again. And, yes, she’s nuts. But that’s her problem, not yours.
I think your opinion on tattoos is childish as fuck.
And you’re completely entitled to it. If tattoos are important to her, you two aren’t compatible, and breaking up was the correct choice. Then she went to crazy town. You should message her one last time to say you’ll be filing charges for harassment and stalking if she contacts you again. Then back on block.
Also, if her tattoo was that badly scabbed, it wasn’t done well or by someone who knew what they were doing. Also a full sleeve would cost multiple thousands if she got it done by a proper professional. Given all the other red flags here, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she got it done in some rando’s garage.
As a woman with MULTIPLE tattoos, let me say that are allowed to like what you like, and you were very open with her about how you’d react if she got one. She didn’t take your opinion into account, so it’s just not a relationship that is compatible. She’ll survive and find the right person, as will you.
I think your viewpoint on tattood is dumb because I love tattoos lol. But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong, you are absolutely valid in the way you feel and you even told her in the beginning. If I was told that I would say “oh that’s a shame. Guess we can stay friends” and leave it at that
But even as you said the way she did it behind your back is repulsive behavior. You definitely dodged a bullet even if your opinions are bad 😉😂
Saying “I don’t agree with this breakup” is like saying “I don’t agree with gravity” or “I don’t agree with this giant wave coming straight at me at the beach.”
You can “not agree” all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s happening. Fucking laughable
Its a weird hang up you have… but i guess I cant call you completely weird since a lot of times one small tattoo turns into a whole lot of tattoos.
I don’t see this as controlling. What’s controlling to me is when someone pretends to accept everything about their partner at first and then changes their tune once the relationship is established. Like if a guy started dating a girl who posts revealing pictures online and didn’t express a boundary about that before getting together, only waiting for the relationship to be locked in before trying to force her to change, that’s controlling.
In that instance, the non controlling way to go about it: be upfront you wouldn’t like her to post things like that, if she agrees great you can move forward. if not, oh well gotta go your separate ways but at least both parties didn’t waste any time.
Applying that to this situation, even if you find it baffling for someone to be this against tattoos, you cannot pretend like op didn’t express their preference from the first time she brought up wanting a tattoo. This entire situation is her fault for not taking op’s very clearly stated position seriously.
You “owe her a conversation if you want to end things”? Lol no this isn’t a gym membership
Tattoos being a deal breaker is so weird to me but you warned her beforehand so she played a dumb game and won dumb prizes.
Finding tattoos repulsive is also a bit much to me but you do you I guess.
She’ll get over it. Move on
It’s fair. Being with a romantic partner is about aesthetics to some extent, and a sleeve isn’t just a tiny tattoo, it’s a lifestyle choice.
Plenty of people get broken up with over tattoos, piercings, clothing choices.
It’s not controlling to have preferences, some really are firm lines.
I’ve been with my husband for more than a decade and I’d break up with him if he got a face tattoo. Everyone has a line.
Being boyfriend/girlfriend for a year is a much lower bar for differences in aesthetic preferences
I hate tattoos, too, and would accept it if a boyfriend already had one, but I wouldn’t want them to get a sleeve while we were together. I wouldn’t have walked out, too
Lol this goes beyond the tattoo at this point. This is just one big shit test from her and if you give in she’s going to keep pushing boundaries elsewhere and make your life hell. Time to end it. Good call.
lol 😭 bruh it’s just a tatt
A breakup is not a debate, and it doesn’t need consensus agreement.
You have every right to have your preferences. This is also controlling and she was tired of it. It basically comes down to she should have ended it when she realized she was not in love enough to respectfully talk it out and you were not in love enough to love her no matter what.
Even if the tattoo itself wasn’t an issue, it was the way she dismissed your feelings and is now trying to take back control of the situation by saying “it was just a spat, come back now.” The act of taking your stuff out/bringing her stuff back, plus you putting it in writing, should have clued in for her that this relationship was over.
Glad you dodged a bullet!! She sounds like a total narcissist and is completely delusional. I was baffled when she confidently believed that “you freaked out… you can come back now”. I hope this whole thing teaches her a lesson that the world doesn’t revolve around her.
According to bird law, both parties must consent before the breakup is official.
Good for you. You have preferences. Lots of morons commenting here can’t comprehend that. “It’s just a tattoo” “You can’t tell her what to do”. Everyone has preferences. Some women want men over 6’. Some men want women with big butts. Some prefer people to have tattoos and others don’t like them.
She’s free to get tattoos. Doesn’t mean she is free from the consequences of you breaking up with her. It’s a shame people are too stupid to realize that. Maybe it’s the rot of social media where people think that everyone has to accept what everyone does.
She thinks on life 2 on jumunji
Each their own as far as tattoos go. My issue was OP has mentioned his dislike for a tattoo. Gf decides while op is gone decides to get inked. What she going to do next time op goes out of town?
i’m like you. just never liked them. anyone giving you shit about your preference is exposing evidence of their own idiocy from the other side of the spectrum. bunch of dummies lol.
While I agree with how she went about doing what she did, it was wrong of her to do that to you. I am sorry that you’re having to go through this. I’m just suxaposed confused about why a tattoo is found on your part to be a deal breaker. Anyway. It’s of no matter if it is your choice. And, I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
I will say that a tattoo is a form of expression, and I find it to be much like artwork. I also would equate it to getting a haircut or dying of one’s hair. It’s an ‘opinion’ piece, not a deal breaker, to me, anyway. Because it doesn’t change the inside of a person, just the outside. But, you know this, of course, and you did make your stance clear, and it is your choice to break-up, which you did choose to do so. Now, it’s in her to go on with her life and deal with the consequences of her actions.
And, again, the way that she went about it WAS completely wrong.
Can you please expand on why you feel like it’s repulsive, though? It shouldn’t matter what an outside look of a person looks like, so long as she’s still the same person on the inside. Am I wrong? Also, It’s clear she doesn’t want to break up. Certain feelings are hard to get over. And, It’s your choice, and you’re, of course, more than welcome to it. I also commend you on how you went about it. And, how you’ve been very much respectful and understanding and being the adult of the situation. I’m sorry about how she’s being a little bit psychopathic about it. I’m just thinking she’s not doing well with the break up.
Thank you for sharing your situation with everyone who has read it. This could be what she’s thinking and, of course, is missing you and the relationship.
In my opinion, anyway, she is obviously not doing well with the break-up. I am sort of stumped here. Thank you for being the bigger person and for taking the high road of keeping to your heart. If you’re not that into it, then by all means, keep saying no. Of course, it will take a while for her to be okay with it. As you can see. Thank you again for your understanding, and I hope you get some relief from all of her trying to make ammends. Good luck.
Keep us posted on how you’re doing.
I’m the same way with tattoos. To each their own. I’d be more worried about her refusal to let go. You don’t want a “bunny in the pot” scene. Watch out.
You set boundaries, she didn’t care, you did what you had to do, on to the next bro
I never used to like tattoos on women, but my current girlfriend has two absolutely beautiful tattoos and I love looking at them every chance I get. Tattoos on women used to absolutely disgust me until that point.
Everyone has preferences. I don’t mind tattoos in general, but find them repulsive anywhere but legs and arms.
Put me down for a no on the tattoos too.
Tell her tough shit.
You’re fine. You made the right call for yourself.
She will be fine.
Ah. Thats unfortunate bud.
Id get some cameras. She sounds unhinged enough to break into your home. Or make a false accusation. Video is always good evidence.
What’s your beef with tattoos?🤣
I couldn’t imagine meeting the woman of my dreams and getting mad about getting tattoos, are you sure there wasn’t anything else going on or was she getting a face tattoo or something?
You’re made the right call here, honestly. This is unhinged.
“I didn’t agree to breaking up…” is not how breakups work. A lot of the time one person doesn’t agree, that doesn’t mean the other person gets to try to use that as a way to trap the other into staying. That’s legitimately crazy. If she spirals any more with this, consider keeping all communications to text and keeping screenshots, you might need them.
“Never agreed to a breakup” is crazy
If it’s scabbed up badly her arm was overworked/she’s not taking care of it properly. What does the tattoo look like?(be broad as possible if you choose to answer). For future reference you and your future partner’s friends do not need to be part of your relationship.
Fake. No one is disgusted by tattoos except weirdly religious misogynists.
What people say: being covered in tattoos doesn’t affect my ability to do the job and professionalism doesn’t exist
Reality: being covered in tattoos looks unprofessional and not only affects how other people see you, but it affects your opportunities.
I too wouldn’t date a person covered in tattoos; its unattractive and demonstrates poor choices. Can’t say that though, so we have to say that “its a preference”. People accept that.
I married someone likeminded – no pot/drugs and not covered in visible tattoos.
She thinks breaking up is like launching missiles from a submarine. As if you both have to turn the key to make it happen
Incredibly cringe. imagine saying you’ll break up with someone if they get a tattoo. If you didn’t want to date someone who was full body covered I’d kinda get it but one piece of ink being a deal breaker is piss weak.
It sounds like she dodged a bullet honestly
People are taking it personally in the comments. I like tattoos, I plan on getting quite a few, but I do have some deal breakers. If my partner got a face tattoo, that would be the end of it. There’s no way I would be able to find it attractive and while that might not be true for others, it’s to each their own 🤷🏽♀️
Lmao you don’t get to decide what anyone does with their own body. She will be better off without you.
she sounds nuts. At least you found our before moving in. 🤣 at “I didn’t agree to break up”
Updateme
She sounds delusional. I wouldn’t put it past her to start showing up at youe place, or job to “talk sense” into you.
ITT: people not understanding what personal preference means.
Dude crazy, cause I read a similar story a few months back like this. It makes me wonder how many times this happens?
You let her know what would happen if she did and honestly it just seems that you both weren’t truly compatible with eachother in the aspect of tattoos.
I’ll say, I have two small tattoos that hold a lot of significance to me, and most of the time they aren’t seen. I used to not like tattoos when I was younger, so I understand to a degree man.
If she had gotten a small tattoo, I’d say it’s overreacting slightly, but it definitely could’ve been brought up beforehand since a sleeve would take hours/multiple days depending on what was tatted. But a whole sleeve when she knows how you felt from the beginning? Yeaaaaah, no coming back from that bullshit.
The thought process in her is wild and damn. Sorry
Obviously you’re entitled to end any relationship but you honestly don’t sound like you ever loved her or really cared for her from the start so not sure why you dated her at all.
With the nudes, I guess she tried to go tit for tat.
I mean, if you truly loved her you’d support the way she expresses herself without such disgust. At least come to a compromise. I get that it’s your preference, but damn….. Pretty controlling. Maybe if you’d have compromised a little she could’ve just got something very small somewhere discreet.
Life isn’t about telling the person you love what they can’t do. What if you marry your dream woman eventually and five years later she gets a tattoo?
“Oh fuck off”
Would be a great response here
You should break with her way before since you knew she likes tattoos and you don’t lol, you wasted your time and wasted her time, that kind of deal breaker were you kind of choose over some really personal decision should not be deal breakers, it’s just that you two were incompatible from the beginning
I commend your values and staying true to yourself.
This is wild to me that everyone agrees with op. Everyone has a right to do with their body what they like. Op seems like a controlling and awful person that threw a hissy fit because he didn’t get his way. I’m not really into heavily tattooed girls either but if I have a girlfriend I love and respect, then I’ll for sure let her make her decisions for herself.
Bwaaahahaha. You can’t break up with me I didn’t agree to it. 🤣🤣
You’re entitled to your opinion and preferences, just as she’s entitled to hers. Nothing wrong with enforcing a boundary you’ve set in your relationship, she’s delusional to think you wouldn’t follow through on your boundary and to keep harassing you. A break up is not a situation where both have to agree to break up – her saying she doesn’t agree is ridiculous. She needs to move on and find someone who has similar tastes (I.e. liking tattoos).
I say this as a woman with multiple tattoos who got my husband of 20 years his first tattoo as his “engagement present” – I got a ring and he got his first tattoo (his choice). Fortunately for us, we both like tattoos – a good thing since he surpassed me pretty quickly, lol. Had it been a dealbreaker for either of us I’m sure we would have moved on as mature adults and respected each other’s boundary.
Honestly, sounds like you were super clear about your boundaries from the start, and she just didn’t respect them. You didn’t try to control her you said she could do what she wanted, but that you had your own deal breakers. It sucks that it had to end like this, but if someone dismisses your feelings and goes behind your back, it’s hard to come back from that. Props to you for standing your ground and not getting dragged back in.
Make it clear to everyone who knows that it is over. Please clear it out on the off chance it becomes a leverage for her. Now, you had a boundary and you made it very clear. Might be unconventional, but it’s yours. You enforced it. Nothing wrong with that.
She’s bonkers lol
I’d suggest you hide, don’t open the door or call the police if you see her outside your home/workplace etc
you’re better off with someone who checks the boxes on your list, and she’s better off with someone who values her as a person more than her body
Fake
Wait, you felt disrespected because she wasn’t on board with the rules you set for her body? Wild work.
Each to their own but you’re kinda SAH!