Hi all, here’s hoping I don’t get roasted!
My brother and his wife, both of whom I love and adore, moved in with me and my family a couple months ago. They’re younger- but not by much. She’s a brat- in the kink community sense- but also it bleeds into literally everything. She does have a traumatic history, but at the same time my BS radar is constantly tripped with her acting the way she does. It’s all 100% for attention (for example, we were all grocery shopping together and my brother and I were pushing carts. He needed to get by her so he said “excuse me baby” and she stopped, put her lip out, dropped her head, and immediately pouted like a child so he would dote on her, then was perfectly fine 10sec later.)
It’s uncomfortable to be around. It feels manipulative and gross and I don’t entertain it even though she brats at me and my husband just as often as she does my brother. I didn’t consent to this behavior.
I don’t even entirely know how to expound on it, I just want to be able to discuss it with them but I know it’s going to turn into hurting her feelings and him getting upset and I don’t want that. On top of everything, they’re trying to conceive and… I just see everything panning out really poorly for my brother if she doesn’t step up. I’m not trying to be judgey, they’re welcome to behave however they want when it’s just them. Help?
Brother and his wife have a very uncomfortable dynamic that they don’t keep contained, how do I respond to this?
r/Advice
Comments
Yeahhh nah, if their kink bleeds into regular life and you’re stuck living with it, you’re well within reason to set some boundaries—just tell them straight up that you’re not comfy being part of their dynamic, intentional or not
You’re not kink-shaming, you’re space-claiming
It’s your house. Have an adult conversation with them. You’re allowed to set boundaries in your own house. If they don’t want abide by your decision then they can move out.
Oh boy. Love is love, but you didn’t sign up to cohabitate with a live-action kink scene. If you wanted bratting during groceries, you’d bring a toddler. Time for a house rules convo—“Bedroom dynamics stay in the bedroom. The cereal aisle is a no-pout zone.”
You can’t control your brother’s relationship, but you can control what happens in your own home.
He loves his wife and puts up with her behavior. Any criticism of her will not be well received, so choose your words very carefully, but warn him you’re not happy with her behavior so he’s not surprised if you confront her about it.
If she acts bratty to you or your husband , shut it down. Tell her you won’t tolerate bad behavior in your home, and if she doesn’t like it, she’s welcome to leave.
It helps me to write it all out in a letter before having an uncomfortable conversation. I can edit and choose my words carefully until I get out what I want to say perfectly.