HELP! I’ve posted here before so please see my previous posts but the update on that is my SO told her to stop coming over so often and she basically said “I will not stop and I will not call or text before and there’s nothing you can do about it”. So I feel sad for him and sad for me.
ANYWAY! Help! We have been looking for houses, SO went over to her house this last week because she claimed she needed her lawn mower looked at but it turned into lunch. She harassed him about if he’s see any new listings (she sends him them nonstop). He showed her one he liked and she started demanding that they go look at it right then right there. Call the realtor and go right then. He said no he’s going home to take a nap.
He gets home, in the bedroom, trying to take a nap. She drives over and can’t get in the door cuz it’s locked. Starts yelling his name through the window. Leaves, comes back an hour later trying to get In the house yelling his name again.
She leaves, and an hour after that she’s blowing up his phone. He’s ignoring but he finally answers because wtf? She says she drove to the house while they were showing it to someone else and got out of her car and went and talked to all the neighbors. “They’re really nice! And I said my name was blah blah and they seem really nice! They’re having an open house and we should go!”
I don’t think she will ever go away until I go toe to toe with her, but I don’t have that opportunity yet. I told my SO, “she is NOT going to ruin this moment for US and if you let her, I will have to step in”. I’m finally prepared to. IF we get this house, she is not going to ruin my high. I am not including her like she wants. Especially if she doesn’t even talk to ME about this.
My question is, someone close to me just said to me, “I feel like her behavior isn’t sane….. that’s not what normal people do”. Especially with the driving by the house and pulling over and talking to neighbors for a house we HADNT EVEN LOOKED AT YET. Is that a quirky old lady thing that I should just ignore and accept or is that bizarre?
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It’s not normal at all. Mummy dearest thinks he’s still 5 years old and unable to make decisions for himself. No one in their ever loving right mind would do this to their adult kids. DH really needs to shine his spine and tell her to calm the Fck down, stop interfering and stay in her own lane. Can’t stay in her own lane, the FAFO. NC here we come.
That is completely unhinged behavior. I have a huge family. So I have many siblings in law from different backgrounds etc. In all of that plus my dating experience, I’ve never heard or seen of any parent that nosey, manipulative, neurotic, and bossy. Not to mention, she doesn’t take “no” for an answer.
That being said, much of this is on your husband. He shouldn’t tell her you’re looking at buying a house or ever given her the listing. I’m very intolerant of behavior like she displayed so this next part is probably too much to start but if anyone acted like that about getting into my home while I’m trying to nap, I would call the cops for harassment. I am also the type of person that refused to tell my bio mom where I lived and shut the door in her face when she showed up at my door after stalking me. She knew I would call the cops if she persisted so she left peacefully. This is how your husband needs to handle her crazy or it’s never going to improve.
Inappropriate social cues (like driv9ng out and speaking to neighbours of somewhere you havent even seen!) can be indicative of early neurological disorder that is lurking. Better demonstrate your concern and ask if she’s had a good chat with her doctor🥰.
Just out the kindness of your heart ya know?
For starters, your SO needs to info diet her like yesterday, because this isn’t what normal people do at all. Sadly it is pretty common in this sub for mil/moms to decide they still have authority roles over their grown children and try to muscle in their opinion on everything. But boundaries and consequences are needed when she stomps them. I hope your partner has your back. Otherwise I’d hesitate to buy a house with someone who still has the cord attached.
I think you need to move somewhere that is not an easy driving distance for her … create distance!
You can absolutely do something about her coming over. Call the cops and have her trespassed.
DO NOT TELL HER WHAT HOUSE YOU LIKE OR ARE OFFERING ON. If she asks, you’re still looking.
DO NOT TELL HER YOUR MOVE DATE
DO NOT GIVE HER YOUR NEW ADDRESS.
If she somehow finds out and shows up, do not let her in. Call the cops and HAVE HER TRESPASSED.
First of all, she needs to not be told ANYTHING regarding your move. For her to have the gall to say “she will not stop, not call or text and there is nothing you can do about it” would have me take her up on that challenge. She would not exist to me. She wants to take it up a notch? Then the police would be involved. I don’t play that shit. FAFO.
No sane person goes and talks to all the neighbors (who were probably only “nice” to get the crazy lady away from them) where SHE isn’t even about to live, and neither are you. This insane “everything has to be done now” crap has got to stop. She is trying to take over, and she has nothing to do with this. She is only going to stop when you force her to.
I feel…seen…thank you so much for sharing
we as a society need to solve these kind of problems…
OP, I am not clear
Are you and your boyfriend together purchasing property?
Unless you are married, DO NOT buy a house together. Honestly, with the way MIL is acting she needs to be told to take a big step the fuck back, NOW, because none of what she’s doing is normal.
If you marry this man, you will be stuck with her for the rest of her life.
As an officially quirky old person, I feel insulted. I have never behaved in this way, nor wanted to.
She is just bonkers!
But ignore her at your peril. This invasive, intrusive behaviour will not change unless her son puts a stop to it, without throwing you under the bus. He has to insist, and mean it, that she stops sticking her nose into his/your business. There has to be consequences for embarrassing meddling.
Didn’t you say she is over 80?
It won’t matter how far you move or how many boundaries you set if he keeps inviting her into the middle of your affairs. Your relationship will not survive if your husband continues to seek validation and support for his decisions from his mother
He does get that this will be your place together and not just a home away from home for his mother, right? Because he needs to put her on an information diet immediately
Time to adopt this mantra. IF SHE DOESN’T GET A SAY, SHE DOESN’T GET TO KNOW. He’s acting like she’s an important part of the process. She should NEVER get another home update from him or you. Not until the papers are signed and you’re holding the keys
If he just can’t do that, he needs therapy to deal with his enmeshment. A new house won’t work without the tools and boundaries you can both learn in couples therapy together
I hope your new home can be a peaceful sanctuary for you both. A place where you can retreat and recharge. But that’s not going to happen until he learns how to set and enforce boundaries for his bananapants mother
I’d find a different house and NO GIVING HER THE LISTING or address if you move there.
She’s already showing you why she cannot have your new address.
She’s way over the top intrusive.
Please tell your husband to not show her another listing. Plus look elsewhere. MIL will probably try to be friends with the neighbours just to get info about your life’s out of them.
No, this is not normal. Yelling for someone on their doorstep because they won’t let you in is NOT NORMAL. This is ‘neighbors are staring out their windows at the crazy lady’ behavior.
>>SO told her to stop coming over so often and she basically said “I will not stop and I will not call or text before and there’s nothing you can do about it”
Yes, there is. You lock the door (like you did), you don’t answer the phone, and you call someone to escort her off your property. If some stranger said those words to you, you’d be filing a stalking report.
Bruh, she ain’t quirky, she goin’ full-blown stalker mode! Boundaries need to be set ASAP, no chill. You gotta have that talk, kinda harsh but needed. And your SO? He needs to back you up 100%, like his life depends on it, cuz his sanity sure does! You do you, make that house your home-away-from-her-home lol. Home buying is stressful enough w/o the MIL shenanigans. You got this!
Showing up at your window yelling his name?? That’s not quirky. That’s unhinged. 🚩
She’s 80. Have you prepared yourself for the fact that she will want to move in with her son to take care of her and being the enmeshed man he is, he will allow that to happen. If you protest he will not see reason he will resent you as it is evident in your past posts.
To answer your question no this behaviour isn’t normal, it’s deeply enmeshed behaviour and it points to her considering that his home is her home to.
He needs to stop telling her every single thing. Look at other houses and don’t tell her about it, he’s encouraging the insanity.
Driving to the house, talking to the neighbors, and introducing herself before you even looked at it?? Nope. Not normal.
“I will not stop, I will not call” – > so she literally announced she has zero respect for your boundaries.
House buying is stressful enough without a MIL auditioning for HGTV: Stalker Edition.
You’re not overreacting. If someone outside the family did this, you’d block their number and call it creepy.