I was giving someone honest feedback recently and they weren’t listening, they are genuinely being defensive over the smallest amount of constructive criticism. So I told them that they were being defensive and they immediately countered saying “no, I’m not”. I realized that even though they were actually being defensive… they basically just have to accept it immediately because any disagreement will just be seen as them proving my point.
Now imagine if someone really was defending themselves again unfair criticism and was called defensive, what the fuck are they supposed to say? They either continue to try and defend themselves and told they’re just being defensive even more or accept it and let themselves be unfairly criticized. It’s unfair and I have decided to stop using it as a phrase because it feels like something that is prime for emotional manipulation/gaslighting.
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/r/offmychest
Yes I am being defensive because you are wrong/lying/mistaken/twisting my words. Take the power out of the accusation is a perfectly viable option.
> Now imagine if someone really was defending themselves again unfair criticism and was called defensive, what the fuck are they supposed to say?
Smile and crack a joke.
I think a classic is saying “there’s no arguing with you” when you’re arguing with someone.
Well, you’re not giving up your argument either are you?
“I don’t respond to ad hominem attacks. If you’d like to engage in a constructive discussion of the issues in front of us, I am more that happy to do so, otherwise, there is nothing more to gain from our dialogue.”
This is only unpopular with a particular type of woman. They accuse you of cheating and if you say you didn’t, you are being “weirdly defensive” and therefore guilty. 🙂
… But you absolutly can argue this?
“I’m not defensive but defending myself because I wholeheartly disagree with your points.”
“It’s not defensive to not apologise for things I simply haven’t done.”
Being defensive and defending yourself isn’t the same thing.
Thats a very r/defensiveopinion
I think defensiveness gets a bad rap sometimes. Obviously it’s not a good response to constructive feedback or someone sharing gently about their experience. If someone is being attacked, though, defensiveness is the normal response. But for some reason, people frame it as a bad thing even in response to like harsh criticism, unfair accusations, or straight up verbal abuse.