I(29F) have been with my boyfriend(34M) for a year and a half, and while we get along well, I’ve realized that I crave deep discussions—about emotions, human nature, and life—but he only engages in surface-level conversations. The only times he’s gone deep were when he shared his childhood trauma or feelings of not being good enough.
I feel like I do most of the talking, and he just listens. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if it’s a sign of deeper incompatibility. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can a relationship like this work long-term?
TL;DR: I crave deep conversations, but my boyfriend mostly engages in surface-level talks. He only goes deep when discussing personal struggles. I do most of the talking, and he just listens. Can a relationship like this work long-term?
Comments
It works if you’re willing to accept him for who he is. Not everyone is capable of deep conversations, or thinks about things like human nature etc. These require a degree of curiosity and willingness to explore beyond themselves.
If you’re okay with never having that, or finding it through friends / elsewhere. Then it can work.
For what it’s worth, someone close to me was in this exact situation and explained it to me as you have. They married him, and it did not last very long.
What kind of deep conversations are we talking about here? At your ages, I would think most philosophical matters have been settled internally and it is just a matter of establishing the compatibility of your view points or discussing current issues.
He’s shared his childhood trauma and insecurities with you, idk how much deeper anybody could go…