My marriage is over. We’ve worked on things for years and he’s refusing couples therapy – only therapy for him and he comes back angry at me but can’t “find the right words” to clue me in. I’m frustrated and feel so annoyed and taken for granted. I don’t want to live like this but we are so financially and socially tied that I am reluctant to file papers. If I spend more time away from home and treat myself like I deserve, not begging for scraps or favors. Can I sustain my whole self? Anyone have advice? Currently I’ve set a five year goal and plan to move out in 2030 after the last kid graduates but am I deluding myself? I now understand all the pills, alcohol, and drugs women of a certain age consume
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Could you separate but still share a home (i.e. separate bedrooms)? I think it would be more tolerable for you if you didn’t have to pretend you were in a functional marriage anymore, but treat each other as roommates.
There is “can you?” and there is “do you want to?”.
Also, does your kid want to live in a home like you described? Because believe me, they can feel all the resentment. Do they also get to spend more time away from home when they are sick of the atmosphere?
Should have said graduates college. Youngest is a high school senior in a boarding school
No, you can maybe self-care yourself into surviving it until it’s more reasonable to leave.
Maybe he feels the same way and you guys could figure out whatever works for you. Rather than you “staying and tolerating” maybe if it was out in the open and you said “hey, I’m unhappy and don’t want to do this anymore” you could come to an agreement. Whether it be totally separating or more roommates like someone else said…good luck!!!
Bite the bullet and make it happen. No point pretending that MILLIONS of other people in the world don’t survive just fine without contacting. Untie your financials. Untie your socials. Just do it. Stop living in fear and start living FOR your future joy.