I’m heartbroken and confused, and I’d really appreciate some honest advice or insight from others.
I’ve been in what I believed was a very healthy relationship for almost 2 years. Emotionally, mentally, and physically — we were deeply connected. We were in love. We respected each other. We had fun, we laughed, we made beautiful memories. I truly thought I had found my person.
I always made sure he felt appreciated, respected, and admired. I let him lead, supported him, celebrated him — he often told me I was the best thing that happened to him. He showed me love too. He provided for me, made me feel like a priority, and was affectionate and caring.
There was absolutely no sign of cheating. I trusted him fully.
Until a few days ago. We were at a wedding and I was casually scrolling through his phone to look at some pictures we took… and I accidentally stumbled upon something that completely shattered me.
He hooked up with two different girls during our relationship. One of the messages I saw? He was planning a trip with me the very next day — right after sleeping with someone else.
I feel like I’ve lost all hope in love. I immediately lost all respect and trust in him. He doesn’t know I found out. He thinks I’m just visiting my father for a week.
But inside, I’m broken.
I keep asking myself: Why?
Why would someone cheat when everything seemed so good?
Why betray someone you say you love — someone who gave you nothing but loyalty, care, and love?
Is it really true that men can love and still cheat? Or was everything a lie?
What makes someone do this?
Please, if anyone has been through this or has any thoughts, I’d be grateful to hear them.
Comments
No people do not cheat on people they truly love. You are trying to make excuses for his behaviour to try and salvage your relationship. You need to take a step back and ask if someone came to you with this same situation what would you tell them?
You need to look at the facts. He cheated on you with two other women. He betrayed your trust and not just once it wasn’t an accident it was planned and malicious. He used you as he used the other women for his own satisfaction. He was not thinking about you or them he was just thinking about himself.
Long story short you need to have some self respect and get that man out of your life and find someone who will treat you with the love and commitment you deserve
Im fairly certain anybody who sees “sex only as sex and nothing deeper”, is capable of cheating on people they love. Gender has nothing to do with it.
No
Yes, some men can cheat on someone they love. He didn’t cheat because you lacked anything, he did it because he did.
I’m so sorry for you.
He never truly loved you, cuz speaking from a men’s perspective we won’t cheat someone whom we truly love and admire.
Leave him and don’t feel bad about yourself.
Sucks , but he doesn’t love you enough to care about your feeling
He likes having it both ways , not acceptable
Please get tested and plan your exit. I’m sorry OP.
Yes, even women can. Sex is lust. Some people have difficulty regulating their lust
How could he love you? It’s not like he didn’t realise cheating on you would obviously hurt you. Maybe he thinks he loves you, but the thought of doing something so terrible to my own partner makes me want to be sick. It doesn’t matter what his reasons were, everyone knows cheating is wrong. Don’t lose hope in love, just lose hope in him.
No.
You don’t respect someone enough to not cheat
And someone who doesn’t respect you can not love you.
Yes.
He demonstrated he either lacked respect for you, or character.
As you can see from the comments so far, there’s no right answer to the question.
I personally believe people can love someone and step out, I think monogamy can be a huge strain for a lot of people. I think it’s not possible for one person to meet every need and that a lot of people feel entitled to get every need met.
The description of your relationship is very general but this jumped out at me:
“ I always made sure he felt appreciated, respected, and admired. I let him lead, supported him, celebrated him — he often told me I was the best thing that happened to him. He showed me love too. He provided for me, made me feel like a priority, and was affectionate and caring.”
You let him lead and he provided – mind sharing more detail about that?
Wow I can’t imagine how you’d be feeling right now.
Honestly, sometimes I believe we never truely know our partner, no matter how close we are. Everyone has secrets. Maybe he does love you, maybe he loves the idea of you, maybe he loves the idea of a secure home base. He might love you, but like having sex with other women. Two things could be true. He might be struggling with this side of himself right now.
But I believe once a cheater, always a cheater. Unless he absolutely changes his moral structure, I think you’ve got to move on.
If you want my opinion it’s more about morality than love, I mean there’s plenty of parents who love their children but betray them nonetheless. He might love you, that’s possible but is it worth anything coming from someone who doesn’t have the moral fortitude to not betray the person he loves that’s more the question imo hope that helps sorry you’re going through this
He cheated because he wanted to. Once a cheater always a cheater. Leave him. He cheated on you twice. He planned it and is a deceitful liar. Take screen shot so he doesn’t Gaslight you.
Sorry this happen to you.
If you truly love a person why would you do something that would hurt them so badly ,destroying them?! So The answer in no
I was cheated on too, I understand you perfectly, no one deserves what happened to you. My only advice is to metabolise it, talk to him and leave him. Friend, don’t let him make fool you. I hope you recover soon, you’re worth a lot 🫶🏼
No, I don’t think so, even if it was “just sex” and no emotions, it’s still disrespectful and dishonest, and puts your partner’s health at risk of STIs
Yes, absolutely. Many men would fail if some very good 😻 was put in front of them. There are still good men out there so don’t give up.
Sometimes behavioral issues and psychological disorders can coexist with “love” for another person.
In fact, it’s fairly common and it’s the reason why many relationships do not last.
No, if they say yes then they love you less than cumming
Hi so opposite situation I fucked a guy many times that had a gf and was banging multiple women behind her back
Very selfish and manipulative Asshole guy
Long story short she finds out and STAYS WITH HIM
now they are engaged what a joke
Men will often pretend to be something they’re not just to fit in with society or be selfish
By the way, this guy that is now engaged, which I still say is such a joke still has nude photos of us in his phone so if I were you, I would not continue dating this guy
Yes. I think you can do anything to someone you love. But Love isn’t enough. If he cheats on you, he doesn’t respect you, consider you, care about you, or want your happiness.
i’m so sorry, hun. i’ve been there too, and it cuts so deep because it wasn’t just betrayal, it was betrayal from someone you gave your whole heart to. i don’t think love and cheating can coexist the way people try to justify it. real love respects, protects, and honors. when someone cheats, it’s not about you lacking anything, it’s about their own emptiness, insecurity, or selfish need for validation. you didn’t miss signs because there weren’t any. he wore a mask, and that’s on him. give yourself grace, not blame. you deserved loyalty. always.
They can love, yes. But it’s just that they don’t love you enough to resist when the opportunity comes along.
Its not true love if your willing to do that
Unfortunately some men can have it all and still want more.
He doesn’t deserve you and will regret it for the rest of his life when you’re gone.
Obviously you deserve better but it’s going to be difficult to find and for you to ever trust someone that completely again.
I wish you luck and future happiness whilst realistically being aware that this isn’t something you can get over very quickly.
Maybe he loves you and just really struggles with monogamy. Can you deal with a polyamorous relationship? What he did is still really wrong because it was never decided beforehand. Once a cheater always a cheater is true. Unless you can 1. Deal with an open relationship, and 2. Forgive this indiscretion, I think your relationship is over. I know it hurts terribly but please realize this is about his failures and has nothing to do with you.
As a woman I can actually say that men do find different qualities in others that they prefer to the one relationship they are in.
This is why Muslim men are allowed 4 wives. Wife sounds better and more respectful than mistress and everyone knows whose where and the family is one big unit.
In your situation, only he can answer this question, and no you don’t deserve to be lied to because without trust you have nothing!
ultimately he did it bcuz he is selfish.