So for context my boyfriend 31/M and I 27/F have been dating for around a year and a half. He has lied to me on multiple occasions, gaslit me, and abandoned me. Last year my sister became ill and I was told she had 3 months left to live at most. When I called my boyfriend to tell him this he said he was sorry to hear that but was spending time with his family and could not be there for me. An hour later he was on snapchat posting videos of him and his best friend hanging out at Disney. Later the night of my sister’s funeral I found out he had been lying to me about something major and I was essentially his mistress. I had gotten pregnant and he abandoned me and the baby as per his best friend’s suggestion (same friend from Disney aka family). After many fucked up situations, he came back, and promised me there would be no more lies or scams or emotional/mental abuse and that he hated his friend for how he treated me and would no longer be speaking to him. Months later I find messages between him and his friend (normal buddy-buddy messages and phone calls he had deleted). He claimed he didn’t even remember texting him or talking to him during that time. Now he claims there are no more lies but it feels impossible to believe him. On top of that, any time I expect him to be caring he always disappoints me. It’s like I CONSTANTLY have to lower my expectations when it comes to him. Today I got some blood tests back that were pretty messed up, and without even asking me what I meant by “messed up” or anything he simply responds “don’t want to imagine what mine would be like if I got tests done”. It’s like he is always more important, his friends and family are more important, i feel like a piece of gum under a shoe. He claims he cares and loves me and that I am his world but all the things he has done in the past and little things like this on the daily make me believe otherwise. Are my expectations too high or is this behaviour indicative of him not caring nor loving me?
TL;DR; : Can my boyfriend 31/M care about me and/or love me 27/F when he has constantly lies, gaslights me, abandons me, and “has trouble” showing me he cares even though “he does care”, and more? I feel like I am going crazy and cannot tell fact from fiction any more. Are my expectations just too high or unrealistic?
Comments
He doesn’t care about you.
Ask yourself: why am I with someone that treats me the way you described?
This is going to sound insensitive: staying with him shows how you feel about what your deserve- it also shows low self esteem- how do I know this? Because this has been my story over and over again/
you have no expectations, standards, backbone, self love, or common sense girl dump him what the fuck are you doing?
So after everything he did, he spun you yet more bullshit, you believed him, now you once again have learned that was bullshit, and you’re looking for ways to give him yet another chance?
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
What you allow will continue. Stop believing him! About anything! It’s not even manipulation at this point, he’s just spewing any old bullshit because he knows you’ll buy it. He doesn’t need to manipulate you, he just needs to say something that you’re willing to believe. You don’t “have” to lower your expectations, you’re choosing to. Why is this man your benchmark for “awesome boyfriend”? Why are you so unimportant to yourself that you’re entertaining this fuckwit for a second?
He doesn’t give two shits about you, never has, never will. Everything he’s done (NOT said) shows that. Save yourself, leave him, block his number, figure out why you ever believed a word he said.
Oh girl, I would’ve left him after the funeral. You said yourself that he always disappoints you, and you are constantly lowering your expectations. When reading Reddit posts, I usually don’t like jumping right to breaking up because I don’t know other people’s entire situations, but from what this post shows, I think you should leave this relationship. He seems untrustworthy, rude, and self-centered. I don’t know why he is in a relationship if he’s acting this way. You should find someone who treats you better, who you don’t have to lower expectations for, who you trust, and who can be your person. I hope everything works out for you, you deserve it!