My friend from college and I are very similar people but have very different levels of family wealth. Her parents recently bought her a house in the mountains (second house they’ve bought her) and give her money to raise her two young children so she and her partner haven’t worked in almost 4 years.
I love my life but I’ve lived in my van for 2 years and work almost full time. I have estimated I’ll probably need to live in it for another 2 years to save enough to have a houde deposit.
She constantly sends me pictures of her amazing life, and I am happy shes happy. But I just can’t help feeling quite annoyed at how easy she got it, and how oblivious she seems to her insane privilege… I can’t relate to any of her ‘problems’ and I don’t know how to address it..
Comments
Yes
Yep. I liked going to my rich friend’s houses.
Yes but it requires some emotional sensitivity.
The person with the more affluent background should be careful about topics that are rooted in finance, or being blasé about money. The person who is less well-off needs to remember that just although their friend has been lucky in life, it is equally not in their control and you should not punish them or resent them for it.
I don’t have a big wealth gap with friends, but I remain thoughtful when there is a difference. It can come down to practical choices like where to spend an evening and how much that costs, not complaining about money issues when your companion probably has a tougher time than you, and focusing on what brings you together, rather than focusing on their bank account.
Yes as long as jealousy isn’t in the picture. Also I would remind myself that when people are dependent on other there’s strings attached. I’m happy to live free from that.
Maybe have a conversation with your friend, just something simple like “I’m so so happy for you and I will always support you in your life, but sometimes I get a little down when you constantly send me things about your world because I’m struggling so much. I just wanted you to know how I’m feeling and communicate that, it doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
Yes but look for red flags.
If they invite you to dinner at a really nice restaurant and then say something along the lines of “let’s split this 50/50” when they know you aren’t as well off as they are. Immediately red flag.
It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t contribute anything, but just saying “I’ll chip in for what I bought” goes a long way.
Even better yet, if you’re in an environment with a bar. Sneak off and buy the first round of drinks for the table. After that, you probably won’t have to worry about the check.