Hi all,
My partner of 8 years abruptly left me and moved out about a month ago, after almost two years of living together. He eventually shared why he left which, in summary, was for the following reasons:
– He needs his own space. We’re both on the spectrum so I totally get this one. We agree that it was perhaps a mistake to move in together but we thought long and hard about at the time, and it felt like the logical next step.
– Didn’t want to be a step parent. We both have teenage kids but he saw mine more than his as my two live with me. I wasn’t asking him to play a parenting role, it was just the day to day burden of dealing with teenagers.
– He felt physically neglected. We were still having regular sex but maybe less frequently than previously due to various reasons – perimenopause, work stress, etc. We discussed this issue once or twice in the last year.
– He didn’t want to see me drink most nights. We had talked about my drinking many times before. I usually drink about 3 glasses of wine on weekdays and more on weekends. I have had periods of up to 3 months when I don’t drink at all and aim to give up all together but haven’t got there yet.
This was the third time he had broken up with me in the 8+ years. It always followed the same pattern – he’d bottle up his feelings, build resentment towards me, and then leave. We have discussed the importance of open and honest communication lots of times since.
Now he’s asking if I would like to see if we can go back to how it was before. So stay together but not live together. And he promises to openly communicate.
I was heartbroken and devastated when he left. I think I was working towards being ready to grieve the relationship. But now I’m not sure.
Could this work and has anyone done it? I’m not sure if I’d be wasting my time trying to get back to how it was. Any advice appreciated.
Clarification- i drink up to 3 glasses of wine a night. So sometimes it’s one, sometimes three and sometimes none.