okay so hear me out…
has anyone else ever sat with themselves and realized that your insecurities aren’t just “quirks” or “flaws” or whatever — but like… actual loud parts of who you are?
like i don’t even know if it’s me thinking these things or the version of me my fears created.
for starters—
🧷 i get attached way too quickly. and not in a cute rom-com kinda way. like it’s lowkey embarrassing. i care a lot. like a lot lot. even when i try not to.
and when i feel misunderstood? yeah no that’s literally my villain origin story. i hate it. i hate being seen wrongly when my intentions are pure as hell. idk why it affects me so much.
💔 i’m scared of failing. not just tests. but life. dreams. love. making my mum proud. being seen as “enough.”
and i’m so, so scared of losing my mumma. she’s my everything. like… if she’s not around, what even is the point?
also is it just me or is the idea of living a boring 9-to-5 life your soul doesn’t belong in genuinely terrifying??
like i’d rather struggle chasing a dream than be stuck in a cubicle feeling dead inside.
🌀 mentally? i’m a whole overthinking machine.
i procrastinate everything and then feel like shit about not doing enough.
i’ll plan an entire comeback and then just… disappear. and i hate it.
but i swear i have potential. somewhere.
some days i believe in myself. other days i feel like a complete joke.
📚 after failing in school, i started questioning if i’m even smart.
like i know i’m not dumb. but those marks? they made me feel otherwise.
and now every time i open a book, it’s like… can i really do this? or am i just pretending to be serious this time?
🧍♀️ physically? let’s not even talk.
i’m working on my body. trying to eat clean. trying to glow up.
but it’s hard.
my comfort foods are literally biryani and maggi and chips and i’m supposed to pick lettuce?? like girl bye.
i know it’s for the better but ugh it’s exhausting being at war with your cravings and your reflection.
also i’m about to start gym and the thought of being watched, judged, or just existing wrong in a gym setting makes me wanna disappear.
what if i mess up the machines? what if people laugh? what if i already don’t belong there?
and the worst part??
even when i’m doing everything “right,”
even when i look okay, do okay, eat okay,
there’s still that tiny voice whispering — you’re not doing enough. you’re not enough.
like bro. let me live.
but maybe this is what healing looks like.
calling yourself out, softly.
owning the chaos.
hugging the version of you that’s trying.
so yeah. these are my weird little insecurities.
loud, clingy, real.
do they ever go away? or do we just learn to live with them louder?
just wondering if anyone out there feels the same.
no pressure to reply.
just needed to let it out somewhere that didn’t feel fake.
🌒
Comments
Damn, mate. You just echoed a lot of what’s goin’ on in my head. Like wth? I felt that. Not just the insecurities but that whole 9-5 trip, man that’s downright scary, idk how people do it. N btw, nothin’ wrong with being overly attached. Means you’ve got a big heart imo. 💖 Remember, everyone’s kinda half winging it, half messing up. We’re doing better than we think. Hang in there, bud! 💪 We’re all just works in progress. 🚧🔨🧱💭🌱✨
I always have this feeling of what’s “right”, and everything I do has to follow that to be okay. not to exceptional, just to feel like I did the bare minimum. It is literally impossible for me to do anything above that.
I volunteer to play an instrument on stage? I could have practiced more.
I help someone at work? I must have taken longer than they would have.
I buy a gift for a friend, but I don’t even give it to them because it’s a bad gift anyway and I’m being too clingy anyway.
I have improved much with therapy so I mostly don’t feel too bad about these things, but it’s still the way I see myself. It’s exhausting.
Especially with my friends, i constantly need reminders that they like me, no matter how long the friendship has lasted. I always feel like an inconvenience, a tolerable one at best. I have terrible anxiety even around my best friends. Every time I talk about myself I feel like a selfish piece of shit that only talks about their issues and makes everything about themselves. My friends see me the opposite way, but that doesn’t even matter. Nothing can make me believe that I am lovable in any way.
The insecurities to which you refer above almost always are rooted in our earliest childhood experiences and memories… many times we are re-enacting behaviors that we saw in our parents, for example, without even being aware that we are doing so.
I wrote a post recently about this very topic.
Please let me know if you are interested and I can send you the link.
Thank you.