So my boyfriend (17m) and I (17f) have been dating for about a week. I honestly wasn’t really looking for a relationship but it just happened. Recently we got into a argument and he asked if I wanted to start reading the Bible and yes I am open minded about religion and was thinking about looking into his religion, now my religion is Haitian voudo and we have multiple gods and goddesses so when I told him I don’t believe in the Bible and gave him a summary of voudo religion right off the bat he told me “there is only one god and your religion is fake” I was so dumbfounded I stayed quiet he started reciting me versus from the Bible I told him he was being insensitive and disrespectful to my religion and he said sorry and that he just wants me to turn to god so I can be with him in heaven and then he left for his flight to Boston and that’s pretty much all that happened. I don’t what to say. I pretty much got 4 hours to say something. What do I do?
EDIT: can you guys stop commenting our religions are fake? If you don’t have a solution and you wanna be arrogant DONT BOTHER COMMENTING!!
Comments
Not when your boyfriend is so closed minded, no.
If he disrespects your beliefs, that’s a red flag. A relationship needs respect, not attempts to change each other.
Yeah no. Not this kind of guy. U deserve someone better who doesn’t call ur religion fake and tries to convert u. Thats just plan disrespect
Do you want to be in a relationship with someone that openly disrespects your religion when you’ve been together for like five minutes?
Odds are he’s going to press you to convert here pretty quick.
I would be open with him — in a face to face situation (not digital) and explain how important your religion and its traditions are. It might be as much a dealbreaker for him as it is for you… best to be open and honest up front to save trouble in the future.
Yes. After you both admit your respective gods aren’t real
It can work. I’ve seen it a lot. It simply takes respect and maturity.
Yuck. Don’t date insecure, patriarchal, men like this.
There’s a show on Discovery+ about this very thing. It’s called “Forbidden Love”
All people should be respected for their religious beliefs…well, respected period. I would say this is a red flag. Also, you should genuine interest in his beliefs and he did not yours. You could give him a chance by saying something like, “I understand our belief systems are different and while I am open to learning more about yours, it doesnt mean I will change my beliefs. It would make me happy if you wanted to try and understand mine, but you dont have to. But you do need to respect me and what I believe.”
If he reacts badly to that then he’s probably not worth it IMO and will likely disrespect you in other ways too,
I [18F] am Christian and my ex [18M] is an Atheist. Ones’ religion, more often than not, dictates their moral compass. Whether he’s a good person or not, evaluate what your values are and what you want for your future. Our relationship didn’t end because of religious differences, but it probably would have in the long run. I want to raise my kids as Christians, and that was something he wouldn’t have been interested in.
Umm yea if you have a very specific religion like Haitian voodoo I would highly advise staying away from any Christian. Christians and voodoo just don’t mix. It’s not gonna work
Ask him if he realizes that EVERY religion believes every other religion is fake. I’m an atheist and believe in just one less god than he does.
No, this won’t work out. I’m sorry. Better to find out now than in a couple of years though.
As someone who grew up very similar to your boyfriend, I’m going to offer a movie recommendation that can help. There was a movie from the late 90s that was shot in one continuous shot. Fantastic cinematography. Really ground breaking movie. The plot of the movie is not important because you don’t even need to watch it. The title is “Run Lola Run”. You should do that….Run.
WoW that’s straight disrespect. You should bring this up with him and if he doesn’t understand your perspectives and your beliefs you are better off without him.
It’s been a week and you’re still extremely young. It’s not worth continuing. Do I think people of separate religions can successfully be together? Personally, no I don’t especially if that religion is important to either party. That’s one of those things people need to be aligned on. I am very anti-religion, I respect others beliefs but I do not want to take part in any of them myself. I have tried to date people who held religious beliefs in the past and it always was a point of contention for them because they’d want to convert me and I’d tell them I am not interested. But anything is possible amongst people who want to make it work bad enough, and if you are not hard pressed about your beliefs it could probably be done but the way your boyfriend approached it is not appropriate and should be unacceptable for you. He can believe what he’d like, but he had no right to attack you because you don’t hold his beliefs.
You boyfriend is a pole stuck in the mud.
I’m sorry with his attitude it’s not going to work. You should end the relationship now due to his lack of openness to other’s beliefs
Not going to work
I’m not religious but have had religious partners. Never a problem with me as long as they respect my boundaries. I love to learn more about other religions and supported their beliefs.
Leave while it’s still early. Find someone more open minded
It’s possible, but the odds are stacked against you.
I’m more concerned about his dogma and lack of respect.
You’re both 17 you won’t even like one another in 5 years. It doesn’t matter right now.
Bro literally verbally dismissed your religion and wants you to convert to his.
Girl you’re not even an adult yet, and you’ve only been dating this guy for a week. YOu don’t need that drama. Dump him and find someone else.
The simple answer to your question is yes, a relationship can be successful with two people of differing religious beliefs if both parties are respectful of each other. My MIL practicing Christian and FIL absolute Atheist were happily married for 55 years and had 2 children who were baptised into the Christian faith as children but as they got older were allowed the freedom to choose for themselves if they wanted to continue to confirmation etc.
You’re both 17 date for awhile first leave religion and politics out and enjoy your adolescence
You can be in a successful relationship with separate religions, but only the respect and trust is already there.
Many people who enter relationships don’t discuss politics or religion at all until there is a good feel for the person as a whole. If religion is so important to both of you that you discussed it after being together for a week, and don’t respect each other enough to trust each other’s opinions about it, then it obviously wasn’t meant to be.
Some people say to lay it all on the line right away, but if you do that you’ll never be satisfied with anyone, because nobody can truly meet anyone’s expectations of what a relationship should be. It’s more important why they believe something more than what they believe. Since both of you seemed to be concerned more about identity labels then getting to know each other, it’s probably time to move on.
He dismissed your faith when you were open about his. This isn’t compatible.
I think that you can be in a successful relationship with separate religious beliefs – as long as you both are respectful to each other’s beliefs. It doesn’t sound like he is respecting yours at all.
If your boyfriend believed that there were many paths to God, you’d have a chance. But this guy adheres to a version of Christianity that says everyone else is going to hell, and that the Bible is the only authority about God. I know this because he said he wanted you to be with him in heaven, and he quoted the Bible as if that holy book is more valid than your holy book.
No matter how much he loves you, he considers your beliefs inferior to his and actually even hostile to God. I would get out, because he is extremely unlikely to change. And if he does, it will be decades from now.
Your religious belief systems are incompatible, it won’t work.
Both of you are arguing about imaginary figures. Respect each others stupid opinions and move on to the next subject
Just like different political views. Adults should not let religion or politics completely control their identities. These are 2 of the biggest reasons to kill other people since the beginning of time. I wouldn’t be able to date or marry someone who did this in either situation. For some reason we feel like this kind of behavior is acceptable in society even though the past has shown that these things cause people to do those things. But finding someone who can think clearly without these things really controlling them is almost impossible. Pick your poison.
So me and my now fiance were like this sorta. He was agnostic/atheist and then finally agreed God was real but wanted nothing to do with him and then he got saved. It was hard and we fought a lot because he was in your shoes and I was in your bf shoes.
I was too pushy admittedly and I should e been more respectful (I was more respectful than your boyfriend but I was passionate and that led me to get mad at him a lot). Before he came to God we had to learn to respect eachother. Either you can have healthy and respectful convos about it or you ignore the topic totally.
As someone who is a Christian I understand his passion and concern; HOWEVER, whether he agrees or not with you , he should not be this disrespectful to you especially if he cares for this relationship to go further!
Anyway, all that to say if yall can’t find a common middle ground and communicate or agree on how to talk about religion etc then it may be best to leave. Yall have been together for a week and yall are so young. It sucks I know but there’s so many others out there and maybe you’ll find someone who will respect how you feel more.
Sorry for the long response but tell him how he made you feel and how it sucked, and depending on if he gets defensive or listens I would use that to determine if yall should break up
That’s a negative unless one of you is willing to switch religions. It will make things very complicated especially as you stay together longer and if marriage and kids come along.
You can’t be in a successful relationship with someone who straight-up disrespects your core beliefs. This isn’t about religion. It’s about tolerance, acceptance, and open-mindedness, and it would seem this man lacks all of those.
Different religion relationships will NEVER work, unless someone compromises. Go yall separate ways.
Its possible yes, but not if they don’t respect your beliefs or choices. My dad was catholic and my mom was atheist. They never commented on the others beliefs and they loved eachother until death made them part. They gave my sister and I the option to choose our own beliefs and did not force anything on either of us. I became agnostic and my sister became Christian. And no one ever commented on anyone’s beliefs in a negative way.
Actually I remember once when I was young, I had a babysitter who would take me to church without my parents permission. Both parents were livid about it and fired her once they found out because it “wasn’t her choice.”
It’s doable, but, mutual respect is critical.
This relationship is not going to work out.
KICK HIM TO THE CURB!!!!!!
As long as you accept that both of you are believers in magic then I’m sure you can believe in different magics together.
I am an atheist and I respect other’s beliefs. But yeah I could not date a religious person. Christians are the worst. Dump him
It will never work. Dump him now.
To be honest you can’t be successful in a relationship at 17…. Have fun with it while it lasts and when it’s over end it
Girl no.
This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. Him insulting your beliefs is not ok
Read the Bible and then make your decision. See what he’s talking about and then discuss your views with him. If ya’ll can’t come to an understanding then it’s going to be hard.
It can work, if both of you are respectful of each others beliefs.
Based on is reaction, he may not be the guy who can do that.
You can, just not with this guy.
It’s possible to have different religious beliefs and even different religions. The issue comes in the form of what those specific religions demand and how devouted someone is to those tenets and how they view the religion of their partner.
If your partner unapologeticly views your religion as fake, and makes no effort to hide that fact from you it’s not going to work.
Either their religion needs to be comparable or they themselves have to be comparable with broader spiritual beliefs that allow coexistence respectfully.
It appears he can’t do either so it’s not going to work.
Christianity and Islam as well their respective schools and sub orders have a component of “we’re, right, everyone else wrong, if you love someone, they need to be right like you”. Not all religions do this and not all religious people living in normal secular societies are prepared to die on this hill.
But religion is something you need to talk about eventually. You don’t need to be in the same religion or even both religious but you have to come to terms with the fact that if your parented thinks Gods going to punish you for not being a _____…… it’s just not going to work
To be fair, all religions are fake. He can believe his gobbledygook all he wants, but he should also be respectful of your belief system. Tbh, somebody who is that into their religion just strikes me as someone who is extremely gullible and lacks critical thinking skills. Break up before you share a bank account and he gets scammed out of all your money. If he’ll accept a belief system as ridiculous as Christianity based on nothing but faith, he’ll fall for anything.
Some Christians feel obligated to witness to and convert others. He sounds like one of those. Unless you’re willing to change to his religion then move on. He needs another Christian and you need someone who is open minded.
He shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with you in the first place if he wouldn’t accept your religion. Because it’s early I think you should just separate, and find someone with the same beliefs, or will accept what you believe, not criticize or try to change your ways.
I’m an atheist who’s married to a Christian. It’s definitely possible, but not with the kind of guy your boyfriend sounds like. Mutual respect for each other’s beliefs is a necessity for it to work and it doesn’t sound like that’s something he understands.
Leave the relationship and protect yourself.
It is possible to have a successful relationship with different religious beliefs IF (BIG IF) you are both respectful of what the other believes. In this situation with this guy, he is NOT respectful. Therefore this is the perfect opportunity to end this relationship. Be glad this was found out sooner rather than later cause the longer the relationship progresses, the harder it can be to break it off.
He sounds obsessed with religion , so no, seek Jewish or Catholics or Unitarian
I think so, I’m a Christian and pretty accepting. I’m kinda of the belief that religion shouldn’t be something forced on someone, it should be something they choose when they’re ready.
I do go to church with my parents and siblings but it’s usually only for Christmas/easter (that’s partly a family tradition thing too). But other than that I think the church doesn’t represent the word of god much anymore, so I don’t like to associate with it.
What’s important is that there’s mutual respect. If one is saying that the others is just fake and disregarding their beliefs then I don’t think you can have a healthy relationship. It’s like me telling you your beliefs on medicine are fake and I won’t respect your choices for what you want for medical treatment. You can’t say you respect someone and completely disregard/invalidate a big part of their identity.
No two people are going to agree about everything. But it is necessary to have a certain amount of common ground.
Women I date do not have to like the same football team as me. But they absolutely must have the same views that I have on murder being illegal.
It seems like you guys have fairly significant difference of opinion here. This is a huge hurdle for you to overcome.
You might want to consider selecting people who are more in line with your belief structure.