I (23F) and my bf (21M) have been together for about 6 months.
I’ve always been really unsure about whether I want children, to be honest, the thought of being pregnant or giving birth really freaks me out and I don’t think I would want to give my life up for a child.
He, however definitely wants children, he would have a child now if I was up for it.
Last night we had a conversation about it and I told him I was still unsure if I want one. This basically led into both of us saying that if I definitely didn’t want one then we’d have to break up.
I’m not sure if I just feel like I might change my mind because people keep telling me I will? Has anyone else ever experienced this before at my age and did you change your mind?
I do love him, but equally a child is not something either of us should compromise on. But we do have something really special and I don’t want to throw that away and then end up wanting children later on down the line.
First time posting so I hope this all makes sense!
Thank you
Can you change your mind about not wanting children?
r/Advice
Comments
Not really.
I don’t like children when I was younger and I still don’t like children now, I’m 25 btw.
People do change their mind sometimes, about not wanting children. Especially men. some of my friends didn’t want kids; but when the first child was born, they changed their mind. Especially if the child was a girl; the girl became their little princess.
Embrace your womanhood! Having children is the greatest thing that you can ever do!
Most people change their minds, until I met my niece I didn’t understand why people liked kids.
I had a friend who didn’t want any. She met someone at thirty and has three kids. Your young the time isn’t right and by the sound of it your bf just isn’t the one. Travel and enjoy yourself.
I can only speak for myself when I was your age.
So at 23, the thought of having a child within the next 5 years would have horrified me. BUT, even at 23 I did know I wanted them at some stage.
I think you are undecided just now, so it’s not really a case of ‘whether you change your mind’ – you haven’t yet made your mind up.
I didn’t want children when I was 23, because my aims at that time were to finish university, find a job, make some job progress, earn money, buy a home. When I became 28 and was settled, I really started to want children and we had 2.
And I honestly think thank you bf is a bit too young and probably non financially settled to have children.
I can totally understand your position. For any reason at all, ‘I love him, but’ is a reason to break up. If there’s a ‘but’, the other priorities are important enough to get in the way. Having established that if you don’t want children, the two of you need to break up, you both know now that your relationship could go either way, and that doubt will chip away at your bond, your trust, your faith in the relationship, until the decision about having children is made. It’s not ‘throwing it all away’ if you decide to break up. It would be a very difficult, yet respectful decision to you both, which would allow you each to move forward into the life you want.
Whether you might want kids in the future isn’t really the point. You’ve got to get there first, and getting there in an uncertain-feeling relationship isn’t the healthy way forward.
I didn’t enjoy being around kids as a child, school was too much at break times as it was just noise and movement. I never even played with dolls even when my sister tried forcing me, it just caused fights. My thoughts on kids never changed and at 29 I had a full hysterectomy for medical reasons but I fought more for it because I didn’t want kids. I was extremely relieved after it was done, it’s been 4 years since and I’ve not had any regret. I’d rather regret not having them than regret having them and my children feeling/realising that.
Your boyfriend have a really honest and open relationship, which is so important! Many people do change their minds about wanting kids as they grow older and experience life in different ways. It’s great that you’re thinking about this seriously rather than rushing into a decision. Maybe it could help to explore your feelings more—talking with friends or family who have kids, or even considering what your life looks like in the future without them versus with them.
I’ve always known I’ve never wanted children so I didn’t have them (I got cats instead 😉) and I’ve never regretted my choice, not even a little bit. It’s MY body and MY life. Plenty of people tried to convince me and pressure me but I ignored them because it’s not up to them… It’s a choice I made for me and people should respect that having children is NOT for everyone. There are so many people who have had children and its blindingly obvious that they shouldn’t have.
So about your boyfriend. Unfortunately, this is the one thing there is no compromise for. So I would be talking with him about respectfully going your separate ways before you both get even more invested in each other which will make the goodbye even harder. 🫂🙏🏻
I didn’t really want children till my 20s, now I have 4 😅 I’m still not that keen on other people children.
You can change your mind about anything