17M
I’m kinda lost. I’m thinking about all this shit and I don’t come to a conclusion, I just ask more questions. I’ve only had bad experiences with loving people, and the last one broke me the most. But as time passed I realized that the single life is not that bad. I’m watching myself change every day, changing the way i think, talk and act. I distance myself from friendships that were really strong. A friend set me up on a date in a few days, and my attitude towards it changes every hour. I want to go but I also don’t. The only thing I wanted for years is now the thing I fear the most. Do I have a choice if to love or not? Am I a bad person for going to a date while uncertain? What do I do on the date? Should I just cancel everything and isolate myself further? Or go and look how it will be? Should I go to therapy? I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR: I don’t know if I want to go on a date which would be in a few days. Past experiences scarred me and I don’t know if it’s even worth it anymore.