So, I went to a small show at a local bar that hosts different artists a few times a week. I tend to always go and especially if it’s someone I haven’t heard of.
This guy comes on stage and has great original songs that blend rap and pop with lyrics that were generally wholesome but with some rhymes in poor taste or low hanging fruit misogynistic tropes. That alone bothered me but maybe a fleeting 20 seconds of his total set. What I couldn’t get over was his shirt. I couldn’t believe my eyes and he was wearing a vest on top so I was like maybe the vest is making it look weird? So I ask my boyfriend whats on his shirt and sure enough my eyes were not playing tricks on me.
So now I’m annoyed the whole show and he was the last artist. After he finished I meet him on stage where he is packing up and I start off with a compliment “hey thanks for the Gaza shout out,” to acknowledge that like I’m not just trying to go yell at him, then I ask “so what inspired you to wear this shirt?”. He looks down and laughs and kinda doesn’t respond and makes a joke like “oh this nothing”…and I said “well no, it’s clearly a provocative shirt that you chose to wear on a night where you will be on stage so that seems like an intentional decision. What were you trying to say with this shirt?” Then he is stammering kinda willing me to walk away with his eyes and I was like “is it about Kim? women in general? Ray j? Sex and capitalism?” Then he just goes “uhh women I support women”.
At that point I didn’t want to go further, people were kinda looking and I didn’t want to be a center of any larger conflict or video taped or something so I left it but I’m happy I at least got to make him feel some discomfort even if it’s a fraction of the harm his shirt does. But anyway can someone help me unravel my feelings? It felt like an active micro aggression (medium aggression??) towards women, I felt unsafe…? Not in a physical way but in a he is clearly disrespecting women and me and we are all enabling it way? Is there a word for the concept of like, turning women’s non-consensual sex tapes into merch? And sure maybe Kris leaked it whatever but Kim has regretted its existence publicly, hates talking about it, and tried to reclaim the narrative around it and to me it feels violent to keep perpetuating it, and this seemed in especially bad faith. Is there a word for inflicting like sexual harassment in this mild but public way?
And please I don’t care about personal thoughts about Kim, the kardasians, billionaires, if it was any woman I would have acted the same and felt the same.
Comments
Glorification of revenge porn, and/or the lack of women’s sovereignty over their image. I don’t think he chose the shirt with intention, I think he just doesn’t see it as problematic. The shirt is the expression that no matter how powerful you are as a woman your sexuality is public and disrespected; it is sexist.
Remember when it was in vogue to put women on men’s shirts? Kinda 2010-15 era? Nearly every single shirt had a woman bent over a table, fingers in mouth, bar/some other stupid object strategically placed over her chest. They even sold them here in Aussie land, in stores aimed at teenagers.
I would just glare at the idiots wearing them. Every. Single. Time. And it worked. They’d look down at the print and look guilty afterwards. Because deep down what a real woman thinks matters more than them trying to look edgy/impress other dudes.
So I think something similar may have occurred here. He’s a muso so he’s trying to get attention, stand out from the competition but he’s not thinking much about it, and certainly not expecting a woman to call him out on it. If he’d actually considered the impact he would’ve had a more thought out response.
Just as an aside, why do these shirts ALWAYS make us look vulnerable? I’d do a dude wearing the late Queen sitting on her throne. But no. We have to be pouty, sexy, and half naked. Not powerful.
You definitely have the right to be offended, it is an inappropriate thing to wear and his intentions were probably not the best. But the sex tape is a public piece of media and it’s not illegal so on some level he also has a right to wear it.