I (f20) go to a really small university where everyone knows everyone and people are VERY cliquey. It’s to the point where nobody really has individual friends but instead has their “assigned group”. There’s also a mentality of “I have my friends and I don’t want any more” after freshman year. I actually did a project about it for one of my classes just because I was curious and found that 87% of people who filled out the survey (all seniors) felt they met their closest friends in freshman year.
I’m in a big group of friends where I’m the only one who isn’t close to someone else. Yeah I’m friends with them but far less than they’re friends with each other. Everyone has their “person” or two within the group who they’re closer to and gets them on a deeper level as friends except for me. If I want to do something one on one with someone it’s always me initiating, and with a big group like mine it gets to the point of feeling like I’m auditioning to be closer with people. The people in this group aren’t bad people (at least individually) but they just aren’t my kind of people.
I’m lonely to put it bluntly. And while I’m not going to stop trying to make friends I’m also wondering if this is it. That after university making close friends isn’t really a thing and I’ll be lonely forever unless I get a partner but seeing as I’m a (mostly) straight woman I’d rather be lonely than taking care of somebody’s overgrown child. So does anybody here have some wisdom for me?
Comments
Yes
I literally don’t talk to any of my friends from University anymore.
I have quite a few close friends, and all of them are friends I made after college. I have a few friends I was very close to in college with whom I still keep in touch, but we’re not really close anymore.
Yesssss my closest friends are the people I met 27–30.
Half of my friends from college got married and pregnant really quick and we are still on good terms but in totally different life stages. No bad blood but they aren’t my “friends” any more because our paths went different directions.
Yes. 34f here… I’m still making new friends. Sure, I don’t make as many new friends as I used to, but I’m still making new friends. Yes, there were periods where I made no new friends, but over the last year I’ve probably made 5-8 new friends. The year before, I probably made 2-3 new friends.
You’ll go through different phases of your life. You’ll have different jobs and go in and out of hobbies and routines. Sometimes you’ll meet new friends and sometimes you won’t. But with each new phase of life, there’s a new opportunity to make some new friends. Very few of them will be very close friends, but every now and then, someone will come along and you’ll just click. Don’t sweat it too much! Go forth and be openminded and seek new experiences, you never know who or what you’ll find along the way. You may find that you need to be a bit braver and take more initiative with new connections, but it’ll be worthwhile. You’re not alone.
Yes, I made a lot of life long friends after college. Your people are out there!
Yeah I haven’t kept up with friends after college
I became a Christian after college and naturally drifted away from the few friends I had in college. However, I have made MUCH deeper friendships as an adult built on a common faith in Jesus Christ.
There’s always opportunities to make new friends 🙂
I talk to two people from university- and it’s work to stay connected because we live far apart. University friends, imo, are often friendships of convenience and often don’t last long term once you’ve graduated, especially if you move. I have a lovely friend group of people I’ve become friends with after leaving university- some through work, some through actively seeking out friendships, some that were met through former boyfriends and outlasted the relationship. 😂
I talk to more people from high school than I do from college. My friends from adult life are either from jobs or my run club.
Absolutely. I’m 50. Two of my best friends I met in my early and mid forties. In fact, I haven’t spoken to a friend that I actually went to college with since I was in my mid twenties.
Yes. Just one of my closest friends is from college.
Yeah. I’ve made friends outside of college. Some were cool and I still talk to them while some weren’t and I ended it. Imo, finding friends isn’t he hard part; it’s finding genuine people that is.
Yes. Even when people say no one at work is your friend, I have a few close friends from my last job.
I’ve only stayed in touch one person from college. But I HAVE made new friends since then, and some of my closest friends I’ve made in the last year or two (I’m in my 40s).
Oh abso-fucking-lutely, I didn’t start putting most of my social circle together until my mid-late twenties.