So my fiance of almost a year now ’23M’ emotionally cheated on me ’20F’ and I just found out yesterday. He fell asleep with his phone open and I had a gut feeling and turns out he texted some random chick about something at work. I confronted him about it but im so lost, yes it could be worse but Im pregnant at 17 weeks and im just scared and idk what to do. When confronted about it he said he didnt know what he was thinking he honestly feels guilty and wants to really try again and make things work and that it wont happen again but I already know they do it once it’ll happen again but I really cant raise a kid on my own. Im so lost and this has been making me super sick. What should I do? (This next part is the text he sent to the person.)
“Idek where to start…. I’ve been with my fiance about a year. She got pregnant earlier than we expected and we started planning our baby shower and gender reveal party. Problem is after starting my new job, there’s this girl that’s just amazing. Her smile, her personality, her smell. I seen her out of the corner of my eye today as she was walking towards our automotive department and she seemed upset. I got over there and she was crying. Me wanting to be a friendly coworker asked what’s wrong and it ended us with hugging for quite a while. There’s a blindspots where we were with the cameras. The way we looked at each other after, something just felt right. She knows I’m engaged but it didn’t feel like a, let’s hookup feeling. It just felt like we should be together. We’ve talked quite a bit at work before this so this wasn’t our first encounter. I got home and rubbed deodorant on the inside of my shirt to cover up her smell so my fiance wouldn’t know and she doesn’t. I don’t know what to do. I wanna tell the girl at work how I feel about her but I don’t wanna ruin what I have with my fiance and being able to be a dad.
Ik this sounds bad and Id have a very difficult time living with myself but I’ve been thinking of leaving my fiance. The problem is I have no doubts that she would kill herself if I left her which in a way makes me feel better but also a lot like shit Only reason it makes me feel better”
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It honestly sounds like he’s no longer happy in the relationship. What he texted her speaks a lot more volumes than what he said to you. Idk if I could ever trust someone again if they texted someone else saying something along those lines. Would you be okay with leaving?
no way this is real
You should probably leave, you could try asking him again and see if he’s willing to have a more truthful in-depth conversation about how he’s apparently feeling according to the message. He could really potentially end up cheating on you if you stay though, because it sounds like he’s only staying out of guilt
He seems like he has already checked out if the relationship and wants this other woman. I know what I would do, but only you can make your decisions. I would leave. I wouldn’t want to continue on and have no trust and always worry if he’s cheating with her and questioning everything he says and does. Can you leave and go stay with family or friends? Cut the relationship with him and only involve him when it comes to the child.
If what you report above is true, then your fiancé sounds like a complete imbecile who is unprepared for either a committed relationship or parenthood. And I’m being as charitable as I can.
I would also note that his reference to feeling better if you killed yourself sounds to me like he might well have some sort of psychological disorder.
People who are well adjusted simply do not talk that way. Nor do they make “jokes” about such things.
I would suggest you contact a lawyer and start thinking very seriously about setting up arrangements for him to support you and your baby financially, as well as establish coparenting rules for once your baby is born.
Please please know YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! I was in a similar situation at 18. Got pregnant had baby in college a single mom by choice (father of child was making extremely poor decisions so I had to break it off). It was the hardest few years of my life but let me tell you it is possible and to think back and see how unhappy I was/would have been if I married the father of my child!! Like thank God I got some sense knocked into me. Once baby was born I just was slapped in the face of WHAT AM I DOING?! Do I want my kids to have this relationship of “love” as an example? Do I want my kids to grow up thinking this is how you treat the person you “love”? Do I want my son to grow up and be like his father? Absolutely not!! I have raised my son who is now about to be 10 and I’m now married and have 2 other children with a real man who has treated me amazing and shown me what real love is. There is so much support offered out there. If you’re not in school or still in school they have childcare options and grants to help you through school. Please don’t think you’re stuck even though you may feel stuck KNOW there are places and people willing to help you. Do you have family that would be willing to help you? I know the confusion and helplessness and heartbreak you are probably feeling and I want you to know it gets better and someone is out there that would love and cherish you and your child!
I’m a firm believer if he did it once he will do it again… and yes there will be people that come into our lives that we may be compatible with but you NEVER cross boundaries like this when you love someone. Love is a choice everyday! A person that values you would keep that commitment to you even if they are temped.
You both made commitments too early without knowing each other properly. Sadly he is not ready for all this. This will not go away it will come back one way or another. Only thing is maybe try couples therapy but if I were you I would be realistic chances of a long term relationship are slim.
I think that confronting massive life events can be difficult to process during the early stages of adulthood.
I’m not excusing it, but I think the both of you should probably take some time to think about where you each stand and to properly acknowledge the future before you.