My wife isn’t a cheater, I want to believe it
She spent the whole night sleeping with a male friend.
The friend was her gay best friend from her highschool, I’ve told her before that I’m not comfortable with him.
They slept the whole night on our bed, no sex, no touching, nothing.
The only “touching” they did was shaking hands and a hug when he came in the front door.
I’m lost.
I need help.
She tells me I’m overreacting.
Btw she’s 21 and Im 23.
We’ve been dating since high-school.
Comments
The problem with getting together very young is you can end up relating to each other in immature ways. And you’re still young. I suggest you two get some professional counseling to discuss ground rules for your marriage to help maintain being on the same page as much as possible.
If it was just a weird sleepover situation with no intimacy, maybe you’re overthinking it, but it’s important to communicate how this makes you feel. Trust your gut, but also hear her out, and set clear boundaries if that’s what’s bothering you
He’s gay. It’s not sexual. Would you be offended if her female friend slept over?
Dude another man spending the night in your bed should be a hard boundary regardless of his status in your wife’s friend group. No way she fails to understand this. Go have her to tell her parents what she did and get their feedback.
Dude, don’t let ppl gaslighting you to think this is ok, this is not how a married woman(or men) should behave, you need to have a serious conversation with her about boundaries or even try counseling.
They want to but choose not to.
If nothing else it was disrespectful of your wishes
why would you be unfocmfortable with that? do you never sleep over at your own friends?
what is seriously fucked up here is that you even have cameras that can record that and that you went to look.
this is horrendous and pretty disgusting. you should really apologise. and perhaps think about counselling together to understand where your relationship is and is going.
🤔🤔🤔
This is ridículos , no man is sleeping in my house while im not there , at least not on my watch , this is not even a debate , honestly i think your balls are missing
No other guy is ever sleeping in my bed. Ever. There’s a spare room, there’s couches, my bed is mine.
Uh it kind of sounds like they had a sleepover? Me and my friends stay over at each other’s places all the time and yes if it’s convenient we’ll share a bed lol the handshaking is kind of funny though 😂 I’m surprised how many straight people look at normal friendship things as cheating
No body should be allowed to sleep on your bed except your wife.
There is such thing as a guest room or a couch.
This is very disrespectful, not because they were sleeping on the same bed, it’s the fact she allowed another man to sleep next to her on your bed!
This is something that is supposed to be respected as a space for only you and your wife to share, and possibly your kids. If she was at her gay friends place and slept on his bed maybe ok… Or even if he did have to stay over, couldn’t he sleep on the couch or something?
Your wife clearly doesn’t respect the marriage if she allows such an intimate space for only both you and her to be shared with someone else.
OP ask your wife how she would feel if you slept at a woman’s house. I don’t get the thought process behind why women in a marriage need outside male friends regardless if he’s gay. My only female is my wife. I don’t need female friends. I love all you ladies but we’re not friends. EDIT Here this is me. Friends are acquaintances are different. I don’t have female friends but female acquaintances is fine.
I agree with the fact that he should not have been spelling in your bed cause it’s your bed
But I do question do you react the same if it was another woman?
I’m going to chime in as always with an opinion against the grain.
I’m a man, I’ve slept many a time in close friends beds. Women and men alike. When me and my partner first got together she though this was odd, however I’ve got very close friends and we all lived together during uni so passing out in each others rooms were common.
The key difference I think is that she knew where I was and what I was doing. If I’d stay with a friend and I was sleeping in the same bed I’d tell her simply “oh by the way I’m going to so and sos next weekend for a night she’s said I can stop in her bed if that’s cool”.
The obvious thing above is it requires communication and understanding, my partner is close with the above person aswell and well aware of the boundaries we have but in your case this doesn’t seem to be true. The issue isn’t that she slept in the same bed it’s that a boundary was crossed without discussion.
I wouldn’t throw the marriage away but you need to have a chat and talk about how you move forward.
Id be annoyed she let another person sleep in my bed without asking me if that was ok but he’s gay and she didn’t cheat so give her a break and establish some healthy boundaries and good communication yeah.
OP you’re in the middle of the crossroads. Either you correct the behavior and demand respect or find a new wife. Making concessions like this in a marriage is all bad.
So why do you have cctv trained on your bedroom? That’s a betrayal of its own
Once, my ex’s younger brother stayed over at ours
They hadn’t had time together for a very long time.
They slept together in the main bedroom. They were chatting and laughing late into the night. Like a proper sleepover, like kids again just having fun as brothers. Warmed my heart to see them bonding and laughing. I slept on the sofa bed. (Also because if my ex drank, he’d snore loudly, so it was a win win.) I was comfy. All of us were happy, it wasn’t an issue for anyone at all.
All of yall, overreacting like OP, need to grow some brains and go to therapy.
She isn’t his property, and if he can’t trust her even when he can watch every thing she’s doing, he shouldn’t even be in a relationship in the first place. Psycho behaviour.
Honestly, if it’s a gay friend, I’d be okay
I haven’t seen a person say “CCTV” in decades.
She says they didn’t fool around. Either you believe her, or you don’t. If she ends up “sleeping” over there on a regular basis, I think you have your answer … her gay friend is really bisexual.
What advice are you seeking?
It’s understandable to feel confused trust your gut, but talk openly with her. The CCTV shows no intimacy, just a friend visit. Ask her to clarify her intentions, and see if it aligns with your relationship boundaries. Age gap or not, communication is key.
What I find it very odd is, if she’s close enough to share a bed for innocent sleep over, her shaking hands. Do people shake hands with close friends?
Gay or not, I think it’s disrespectful for her to invite her friend to sleep on the bed she share with you. That’s quite weird too.
Maybe she’s extremely immature and still acting like a teenager. You definitely need a talk of boundaries.
If it’s her gay best friend from high school, what is there to understand?
You’re overreacting
I sleep next to my lesbian friend, does that mean I’m cheating on my boyfriend? lol
Also the spying is crazy, admit to it and see how that goes
I think it’s weird that 1) you have a camera in your bedroom and that 2) you’re getting upset when nothing happened with her gay friend.
Does your wife even know she’s being watched? Did it ever occur to you that watching her all night to track this is unhealthy??
How can you be sure nothing happened? Was there a camera in the bedroom? Was she aware there was one?
If the cam is outside of the bedroom, sorry but they fuck bro.
Mate you’re 23, why even have this be an issue to deal with in life? You’re way too young to even consider this good or bad in a relationship.
Would she be okay with you sleeping in the same bed as your lesbian friend?
If he’s truly gay, not bi, then it’s like having a sleepover with a girl friend. Of course people don’t have to be sexually attracted to each other to have sex or mess around but you said they didn’t touch. You have a camera in your bedroom? Does she know? Maybe the post should be about you… If you’ve told her it’s something you’re not comfortable with then she should be me more open to hearing you out. I get why she’d be saying you’re overreacting but it’s not fair for her to invalidate you. Have you met him, spent time with him? What are you lost about?
You are not overreacting.
So she would be ok with you spending the night with your lesbian friend?
Shouldn’t you be relieved
He left his skin cells and pubic hairs in your bed. Hopefully you washed your sheets with hot water.
You need to grow up. You want to bitch about your wife sleeping next to a gay man but gloss over the fact that you have a camera in your bedroom. You’re weak.
Op I have a question. Are you uncomfortable with it because you don’t believe he is gay, or just that it’s another guy and thats your wife?
Sleeping in bed with a gay man just sounds like a sleepover? Especially if they did nothing, but why would they? He’s gay. Do you just assume she’s lying to you or you don’t trust her? If you don’t want someone in your bed, that’s understandable but it seems like your problem is with him and not trusting her. Like you feel threatened of him or like she’s lying to you. I’d encourage individual and marriage counseling.
“Gay best friend from high school”
How could she cheat then?
So many questions:
Where were you?
Why is there a CCTV?
Why did he sleep over?
Is this fake?
Honestly this just seems like a case we’re your guys boundaries and expectations weren’t fully talked about so some things didn’t align and then this situation happened which is touching a boundary for you but not for her id say have a sit down and go over all your relationship boundaries so this doesn’t happen again hopefully I hope it all gets figured out!
Bro. He’s gay, she’s loyal, and you’re insecure. There’s only one problem here, and it’s you
You are an immature man if a gay man is a threat to you do better you admit nothing is happening why are you questioning it ?? Paranoid it’s innocent you can literally see that 🤦♀️🤦♀️ be a better man it’s sad and pathetic completely unattractive if I was her you’d be gone for lack of trust and being a child in a grown up relationship do better
She got her gay friend to come over while you were away. She had him sleep, not on the couch but in the bed with her. They didn’t do anything except sleep. Intuitively, my assumption is that she’s afraid of something coming to get her at night or afraid of something she might do if no one is right beside her to watch her.
Is your wife afraid of you, OP?
Why do you have a camera in your bedroom spying on your wife?
The dude is gay. He is not threat to you at all. It’s the equivalent of a best girlfriend.
You’re overreacting.
Where were you?
if you don’t let that lady and her bestie have a sleepover 🙄 this suggests extremes insecurity on your part
“They did sormrhing so strange,” and it’s just a her having a sleepover with her gay best friend.
If it was a woman how would you feel?
They’re friends and had a sleepover, so what?
So…what’s the problèm ? Not everything vas to be sexual.
I slept in the dame bed of plenty opposite-gender friends and it does Not mean sex.
This is one of the weirdest things I’ve read on reddit and that says a lot lol
It’s giving “got married because we’d been dating for years and thought it was time” even though most of the relationship was probably spent asking your parents if you could hang out together. I’m not a huge fan of people getting married so young in current times but this didn’t even read like high school sweethearts deeply in love and want to be together forever. It reads as two kids made a decision to get married not fully grasping what that means.
It sounds like immaturity and insecurity are running your thoughts. You said you’re not comfortable with “him” not “him sleeping in your bed” which makes me think you’re simply jealous of another man around your wife/partner even if they aren’t interested in her. I have many gay friends and boyfriends havent cared about them at all because they know there’s no chance of anything happening
I think the problem in this relationship is you, my guy
Would you care if it was a female friend staying the night?
Also, I’m calling BS on the whole CCVT thing as a hallway camera and a floor safe in an office or a basement safe secured to the floor would do the job as well.
This is one of the many situations posted on here that is very clear cut.
Your wife has no concern at all about the friend touching her or trying anything sexual because she knows he is gay and trusts him fully. She rationalizes it easily because of that knowledge and trust.
The other side of that coin is how you feel. You don’t know him like she does and even if you did you are not comfortable with another man sleeping beside your wife, especially in your bed. That is the typical reaction to this.
When you are single you can do whatever you want but when you are married every situation and how it is handled has to encompass not just your own feelings but also your spouse’s.
If your wife knew how you felt about it and did it anyway she owes you an apology and perhaps so does her friend. She will have to work on regaining some lost trust for ignoring your feelings.
If she didn’t know it was a concern then she should still apologize for hurting your feelings but I wouldn’t flip out because she probably just didn’t consider it being an issue, although she should have.