We have all heard horror stories about the “medical gaslighting” that happens to women, but one pregnant mom on Reddit just lived through a nightmare that will make your jaw hit the floor. Imagine being 38 weeks pregnant, experiencing regular contractions since 3 AM, and walking into an appointment only to have a provider tell you that your high-risk status—which is literally written in your chart—doesn’t exist. If you have ever had to find the strength to advocate for yourself while literally in the middle of early labor, this story is going to make you want to stand up and cheer for this mama.
The Original Poster (OP) was at a routine appointment that was supposed to include a cervical check and the scheduling of her induction. Because of her high-risk factors, this wasn’t just a “nice to have” visit; it was a medically necessary step to ensure she and her baby stayed safe. But instead of getting the care she was scheduled for, she was met with a midwife she had never seen before who seemed to have zero interest in actually doing her job.
The midwife barely performed a basic swab and immediately started shutting the OP down. She refused to check her cervix, refused to discuss the induction, and—get this—told the OP she wasn’t actually contracting because she hadn’t “seen it” in the two minutes she was in the room. It is a level of haughty b!tch energy to tell a woman who is 38 weeks pregnant that she doesn’t know what her own body is doing. The OP, who is Mexican, noted that the midwife, who is white, seemed extremely reluctant to even touch her, making the whole interaction feel loaded with bias and disrespect.
After being dismissed and ignored, the OP finally hit her limit. She told the midwife that she didn’t like her attitude, that they weren’t going to work well together, and that she was officially off the care team. Most of us would be shaking with anger, but the OP stood her ground and asked the midwife to leave so she could get dressed. It was a powerful “not today” moment, but the real sh!t-show was discovered later when the OP checked her online medical chart.
In an act of what looks like pure retaliation, the midwife had documented a “history of victim partner abuse” in the OP’s chart. The OP has never said anything even remotely like that, and there is zero evidence of it in her history. Adding fabricated, serious information like that to a medical record is a k!ller blow to a patient’s credibility and safety. It is a total bullsh!t move that could have long-lasting consequences for the OP and her family.
The emotional commentary here is a mix of pure rage and heartbreak. To lie in a medical record because a patient dared to stand up for themselves is a level of unprofessionalism that should lead to an immediate loss of a license. The OP felt “sick” seeing it, and honestly, we do too. It’s an ahole move of the highest order to weaponize a patient’s chart against them just because your ego was bruised in an exam room.
The OP’s partner thinks she might have been “harsh,” but let’s be real for a second: when you are 38 weeks pregnant and high-risk, you don’t have time to be “sweet” to a provider who is actively ignoring your health. Advocacy isn’t always “nice,” and it shouldn’t have to be. The midwife refused scheduled care, dismissed real symptoms, and then lied in a legal document. Filing a complaint with the office manager isn’t being “harsh”—it’s being responsible.
This kind of behavior is exactly why so many women, especially women of color, feel unsafe in the medical system. When a provider refuses to touch you or believe your pain, it isn’t just a “bad day” at the office; it is a dangerous failure of care. The fact that this midwife tried to label the OP as a “victim” in her notes feels like a calculated attempt to delegitimize her voice before she even gets to the delivery room.
The OP is 100% right to want this woman nowhere near her or her baby. You cannot have a safe birth experience with someone you don’t trust, especially someone who has proven they are willing to lie about you. The “history of abuse” note isn’t just wrong; it’s a sh!t-show of an ethical violation that needs to be scrubbed from her record immediately.
This story is a vital reminder to always check your medical portal after an appointment. You are the expert on your own body and your own life. If a provider adds bullsh!t to your chart, you have every right to raise h*ll until it is fixed. The OP isn’t an ahole; she is a mother who is already protecting her child from a system that tried to silence her.
So, is she the ahole? Absolutely not. She is a powerhouse. She did exactly what every patient should do when faced with a provider who is incompetent or biased. We hope the office manager takes this complaint seriously and that the OP has a beautiful, safe, and gaslight-free birth with a team that actually respects her!
What would you do if you found a lie in your medical records? Is it “too harsh” to fire a doctor or midwife on the spot, or is it the only way to get the care you deserve? Let us know in the comments if you’ve ever had to advocate for yourself in a sh!t-show of a medical appointment!
NTA nope I would follow up that complaint with one to the state
Her putting the comment in your file was inflammatory and an outright lie that is very dangerous in that if anyone wanted to cause you and your spouse problems later with child protection services. I would think your spouse would be very offended and angry that she was implying he is abusive.