Ok guys so I am an introverted 25 year old guy. I only socialise in small bursts and generally prefer my own company. But recently and old friend who I have kept contact with has latched onto me and clinging hard. She has no other friends any more and has no real hobbies. She is not someone who is ok being alone. And she is going through an awful lot with some pretty bad stuff. Which is why this is really hard because I feel terrible. But work (we both work the same hours) is the only reprieve I get. The rest of the time she is at my place whether I like it or not. Just turns up without a word. And unloads all her stuff on me. She one hundred percent expects me to be emotionally available for her 24/7. If I dare mention that I need alone time to recharge then their are tears, no one cares about me ect. Any suggestions I make for activities she might try are immediately shot down. But the worst thing is my family I know will side with her if I try to enforce boundaries. My mum loves her and has made it perfectly clear she expects me to be there for her as long as she needs. I really don’t want to lose my family, but I am pretty that’s what will happen if I try to get the alone time I desperately need. This has been going on for months now.
TL;DR- I am an introverted guy. Clingy female friend with a ton of bad stuff going on is treating me like her personal therapist and my family expect me to be just that for her. If I try to force boundaries, I fear I will lose my family. Length of relationship- have known this girl since primary school and been friends for 20 years.
Comments
Damn. That would make me get a second job. Or at least tell everyone you got a second job so you can go somewhere else and have some space. Frankly, it’s people like that who make people move across the country.
your other option is to just speak up and enforce your alone time. But if you can’t stand up to the friend and your family (who are actually dumping her on you), then your option is to move far away or get a second job.
Tough situation.
I would suggest that she gets official help and I think you’re family would also agree with this if the issues are quite severe. This might open up some time for you.
I would also talk to your family about boundaries and that it’s not helping you. You are their son and so regardless how much they like the lady, they should side with you.
It’s easy to feel stuck between wanting to support a friend and needing some breathing room for yourself. Here’s the thing: your well-being is important too, and not prioritizing it can lead to burnout down the line. So, how about suggesting local resources that could help your pal without relying solely on you? Maybe therapy groups or counseling services she could tap into. That way, you’re showing up for her while still carving out space for yourself
And hey, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential for maintaining the relationships that truly matter in the long run. You can kinda feel me on this.