I’ve seen this discourse online where people discuss the difference between “coffee and catchup” friends and “making memories” friends. The former is pretty self explanatory – these are friends who you’ll catch up with over coffee, chat about what’s being going on in your lives, and that’s the extent of it. These friendships might be more casual, or more like acquaintanceships. Whereas the “making memories” friends tend to be those friendships where you go on “adventures” together and make memories, and you tend to be more involved in each other’s lives, and you tend to be more open about your thoughts and feelings.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with coffee and catch up friends – they’re great, but it feels sad if “coffee and catch up” friends are the only friends a person has. It feels like in adulthood, friendships become less of a priority and that makes me sad. I’m fortunate enough to have a close online friend who I can tell pretty much anything to, but most friendships made in adulthood end up becoming “coffee and catch up” friendships where it has been arranged weeks in advance, and we politely update each other on our separate lives, and then we go home. It feels like this is just the nature of adulthood, but it still makes me sad.
Idk. I know this topic has likely been discussed to death, but it was something I was reflecting on. I don’t really need advice, it was more of a vent really.
Comments
Friendships only become less of a priority in adulthood if that’s what you choose. It’s a choice. Whenever someone posts about friendships, a lot of people lament the fact that they have no close friends and then reveal that they are actually a shitty friend themselves because they either don’t prioritize friends (but expect others to prioritize them), or they view friendships as placeholders for romantic relationships. Or, the people who take 2 months to respond to a friend’s text because they’re “busy.” Like, yes…that’s why you don’t have any meaningful friendships.
Not everyone is like that.
Could you invite a coffee and catch-up friend on an adventure?
I don’t have any really close friends like I did when I was younger, but I feel mostly fulfilled in my friendships because each friend fulfills a different need, very few fulfill multiple needs.
I refuse coffee and catch ups. Y’all can loon at my highlight Reel. I work as a waitress so I see these dynamics a lot and I always get second hand sadness for it. I get it, it’s the best some can do/get, but it ain’t for me. My time is way too precious for that.
My friend BROUGHT me coffee this morning. To my house. That’s how I cultivate friendships.
The tricky part is how do you get here and it happens less and less these days. I’m out in the wild enough (not an introverted homebody) so my catch up happens organically a lot. If it spirals into something more, awesome. If not; it is what it is.
Coffee and catch up friends aren’t really friends though are they? I don’t know why you would have coffee with someone who’s an acquaintance.
I dont have like categories for friends. We all do it all.
I can’t repeat this enough but, adults should take advantage of technology to stay in touch. I have several friends who are on Instagram ONLY for friends because it’s so much easier to stay in touch and feel like a part of their life and vice versa. I’m happy to hear you have a close online friend. It makes me sad how many people feel lonely but they also refuse to make “online friends.” Online friends are real friends. Almost every friend I made online, I met them in person too.
My “coffee and catchup”friends ARE my “making memories” friends. It definitely can be both. We go to coffee and catchup more often than we have the time to “go on adventures” but these groups have overlap.