ok so basically, me and my boyfriend have been dating for 1.5 years and recently we both graduated from high school and are now in college. i moved away to a town maybe 2.5 hours from our hometown, and he stayed in our hometown. we both go to great schools, and i see both of us having very successful futures.
however, he has always had this jealousy thing with me, even though i’ve never done anything to make him nervous. in the beginning, he didn’t really like me talking to guys, and i guess it still makes him uncomfortable, but that’s obviously escalated now that i’m in college. on a side note, i am NOT a jealous person, i grew up having friends of both genders and am generally very social, so for me, i have guy friends that are simply peers. i want that for my boyfriend too and have explicitly told him, having girl friends doesn’t bother me–because it doesn’t. i dont see the point in restricting someone’s interactions with another because of their gender bc 1) we live in a male and female (+) world 2) if someone will cheat, they will cheat with or without you surveilling them.
basically yesterday was a pretty big day for our frats to throw and i went out with a couple girl friends, really chill (i was genuinely with the same two girls basically all night). i don’t drink but i do smoke, and i took a very small amount (as in i felt sober, even though i knew i wasn’t if that makes sense). i just wanted to let go a little bc everyone is drinking around me, and im more comfortable w my mary jane LOL.
my bf is also not the biggest fan of the smoking/weed, but yesterday when i told him, he said he was ok with it. we’ve talked about it in the past, and this is something i did coming into the relationship, and i never really hid it from him. for a really long time, i didn’t do it so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable, but with college, since i dont partake in drinking, i want to have a little fun. basically, today comes and he is not ok with it, and it’s pretty obvious. we get into this argument conversation thing, where i tell him that i dont want to keep having these uncomfortable convos about my habits, and that if it makes him that uncomfortable, i’ll stop, but he can’t drink anymore.
he doesn’t drink often, but he has before, and in front of me as well, but i trust him and don’t feel like stupid things will happen so it’s not been a point of discussion from my side, but it’s a two way street.
he gets really sad because i called him out on not trusting me, and how he doesn’t trust me because he sees people cheat or whatever on reddit or tiktok (which he admitted), and i try my best to comfort him. however, i cannot shake the feeling of him not trusting me this far into our relationship, i feel like anything i do is wrong in his eyes, and it’s not like he’s trying to be controlling but i feel controlled. im not sure what to do.
how do i navigate this? i don’t want to give up on us because i see a super strong future, but i feel like im suffocating kind of and i dont know how to tell him this. im trying to be conscious of the reasons and trauma he has to not trust me, but at the same time, i feel like a lot of past insecurities are getting projected on me. i have my own triggers about my mom being very distrusting, and so i feel like i get triggered when this happens.
tl;dr: i went out to the frats, got a little high, my boyfriend got mad at me again, i called him out, and now i feel really lonely in my own relationship
Comments
You guys honestly need to break up and focus on yourselves. After college, maybe things can be different, but as things stand now, the both of you are just gonna cause each other unnecessary mental stress which can easily lead to resentment.