I 26M have been working at my job for about 6 months. Early on, a coworker (let’s call her Harveen) joined the team. She’s an immigrant and opened up to me about going through a nasty divorce that was affecting her mental health. I empathized with her and tried to be supportive — I gave her guidance, helped her understand tasks, and even let her copy the format of my work when she asked.
Now, she’s suddenly become more productive and got selected for advanced training before me. My manager told me I’m next, so I wasn’t too bothered — until Harveen’s attitude shifted.
Lately, she’ll ask me questions like, “Are you trained on [task] yet?” while smirking, and then say things like, “It’s so hard, wish you luck,” in a way that feels condescending. She also called me the wrong name (“Andrew”) multiple times today when thats not my real name, even though we’ve worked closely for months and she clearly knows my real name. It doesn’t feel like an honest mistake.
I’m starting to feel used and disrespected. I helped her when she needed it, and now she’s acting superior and passive-aggressive. I haven’t called her out yet, but it’s starting to affect how I feel at work.
What’s the best way to handle this kind of subtle disrespect without creating drama or looking petty?
Comments
Classic case of no good deed goes unpunished. She used you, now document everything.
Keep your head up. She mistook your kindness for weakness and she was wrong.
Next time she says the wrong name, interrupt her with your correct name and a smile.
Next time she says something condescending about something you don’t know reply, “Sounds interesting!”
Positivity and kindness in the face of insecure sociopathic behavior is a strong choice.
Best of luck and sorry you’re going through this.
You better stand up for yourself. Same thing happened to me and I got put in a fucked position. Clawed my way out with HR. Call her out everytime.
Honestly I’d just subtly stop any interaction with her. Except for when you are called the wrong name, like, “Oh, my bad, I thought you were talking to me but you’re clearly addressing someone else” and just blatantly disengage from that particular interaction. Over time as she tries to get your attention just give her the one moment sign with your finger and go back to looking at your work/computer and just never turn back, like you completely forgot about her. The less you engage with her the less she’ll engage with you.
Oof you found a dramallama queen. They are sad and lonely when going through something to get attention but as soon as they feel “better” they’re back to their twat-self. Welcome to girl world. It sucks.
Play her at her own game, act nice to her face, call her the wrong name. Put yourself forwards with management.