Hi reddit! This is a bit of a doozy so I’ll try and keep this brief. I also don’t know if either of them use reddit so I will try and be vague. I (F21+) have been working at my job for about 3 years. Around the time I joined work I met my coworker Harry (M25+). I get along with most of my coworkers as most of us are currently in college, undergrad or masters programs, and generally around the same age. Me and Harry became pretty close work friends and before I left for a family trip out of our city Harry confessed a crush. I also confessed a crush, but we decided that we shouldn’t pursue anything with that due to being coworkers. I then left the job for a while, and we didn’t keep any contact at the time.
Fast foward almost a year I get rehired at my job and I talk to Harry again. I did briefly ask if there were still lingering feelings, which he replied that he had actually been interested in someone else since I had been gone and I let it go. Since then Harry has started dating Stephanie (F30s?) and my workplace crush had swiftly faded away as I got into more serious actual relationships. Since our initial conversation I’ve had 3 serious relationships, although currently I am single.
I met Stephanie around 6 or 7 months into them dating, and heard nothing but good things about her from Harry. I ended up meeting her at a large work event in which she accompanied him as a date. She looked at me as I introduced myself, scrunched up her face a bit and didn’t really respond. I figured she was having an overwhelming day and decided to try not to think about it too much. I said hi to Harry and they were off.
I then meet her again while going to a movie not too far from my job site, with my then partner. They were also on a date night to the same theatre (different movie) and noticing Harry in line I went over to say hi, my date in tow. Harry and my partner start chatting and I go to greet Harry’s girlfriend. She does not say anything other than a simple, “hello” and spends the rest of the interaction glaring at me from over his shoulder. I decide that she does not like me, and upon talking to some of our other work friends find out I’m the only person she is giving a hard time to.
Skip forward about a year, they are still very happily together. She is around our job and common hang out spots all the time, she is his consistent date to work events, and has even sometimes managed to get into employee only areas such as our break room and the door to locker rooms (somehow). It feels like I can’t escape her or her constant weird glares and things came to a head about 2 weeks ago when my coworker randomly asks me if I still have feelings for him. By this point, there have been no feelings for 3 years and even when there had been they were very school yard crush. I said no, that ive dated other people, ive been over it, and I was confused on where this was coming from. He then says I’ve been giving his girlfriend “bad energy” and she was “sensing hostility” from me (she’s spiritual). Harry then goes on to say that she is deeply hurt by the energy I am putting out to her and that she is worried about my feelings towards Harry. She says I’m making her uncomfortable and he wanted to help ease her mind, so he said he’d talk to me.
TBH this hurt my feelings since I don’t treat him any differently to our counterparts at work and we aren’t nearly as close as we had once been. I was also really put off by the accusation that I was holding out on some type of weird hope of being with him (and a little weirded out he’d ignore my past partners). Stephanie is still around pretty often still, I’m assuming he was open and honest with her about our crush, and now I’ve resorted to avoiding all contact with Harry in part because I’m upset at him for accusing me of having feelings for him after years, and because I don’t want to stir up drama more with this girl. I’m at a loss at what to do and I feel bad just constantly pretending I dont hear him when he tries to talk with me at work.
So reddit, my main question is how do i navigate this. I feel like I miss my friendship with Harry but on the other hand I’m uncomfortable with this being brought into my work life. I want to be respectful but I’m feeling very disrespected and I dont understand how to move foward.
TL;DR: My coworker’s longterm girlfriend is disapproving of our friendship, tells him she suspects im plotting to get with him, and is damaging our dynamic at work. I don’t know what the best next move for me to make is.