So the title doesn’t really make sense, but this is something I’ve been wondering on and off for a while. I (28F) have been in three serious relationships. One at like 15/16 for like a year or maybe a little longer, one at like 17 for like four and a half years, and my fiancé (27M) at 21 until now. I truly love my fiancé, we have a one year old and are very happy. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had some real trials and we’ve both done a lot of growing.
Anyhow, my question is, is it normal to kind of get burned out with feeling of heartbreak as you get older or experience more of it? By that I mean, when my first boyfriend and I broke up I was absolutely heartbroken, and almost depressed for like two months. My second boyfriend ended up cheating on me a lot and it absolutely devastated me, I was so sick from it I couldn’t even eat. By the time we finally broke up for good I wasn’t really that upset.. Now my fiance.. although we are pretty happy now, he has hurt me pretty badly multiple times in different ways.
I have never been as hurt or upset or cried the same way as I had with my previous two relationships. And I really just want to know what that means? Does that mean I’ve run out of tears or I’m used to those feelings of being abandoned/betrayed/unappreciated? Does that mean I’m just older and don’t feel things as strongly? Does that mean I loved the other two more? I’m really just curious if anyone else has had a similar experience and what you think? Thanks in advance!!
***TL;DR: I’m wondering if it’s normal to feel less upset/not upset in the same way when hurt in a third relationship vs a first or second?
Comments
You’re just older and not all hopped up on teenage girl hormones anymore. Plus you’ve got another 12 years experience learning coping skills and how to regulate your emotions.
I think as you get older and experience more things, you have more context for the emotions you’re experiencing. When you’ve been through a couple of breakups, you realize that breakups can feel like the end of the world without actually being the end of the world.
It could also be that things with your fiance are just…not as bad as those previous relationships. Maybe he hurt you, but because you have a stronger overall bond, it didn’t hit to your core as much as your previous relationships did.
I definitely don’t think it means you loved your previous boyfriends more. But especially when you are going all the way back to your teenage years, I do think there is a rawness to emotions that comes from inexperience.
It makes sense that you’re just older and more self-assured. That being said, I’d encourage you to discuss these feelings with a therapist, especially before getting married. No relationship is perfect, but with your description of your fiance hurting you “pretty badly multiple times in different ways,” it’s important to be 100% sure you’re not simply desensitized and letting emotional abuse slide.