I need some perspective on my marriage and what I’m supposed to be doing to save my 5 year old marriage/ 7 year old relationship.
I love my daughter (3f). She is a sweet kid, but is very high energy. My wife (33f) and I and bouncing back and forth between being the favorite parent, as is typical. I would say cracks in the relationship are starting to appear with times that my wife is the favorite, and gets overwhelmed with the attention. I work a very typical 8hr/day, 5 days a week job while she works 12hr/day for 4 days/week, and with every other weekend being mandatory. So that leaves me doing things like daycare dropoff and pickup, bedtime routines, dinner/breakfast, all by myself many of the days, with every other weekend bring 48hrs straight of being essentially a single dad. Obviously my daughter will resist doing some things as is natural. But she has to do some things anyways like get dropped off at daycare, brush her teeth, eat food etc.
Today, I got one of the few days a year I’m allowed to stay after work and socialize because it’s one of wife’s days off, and it’s a union meeting. About twenty minutes into the meeting my wife texts that daughter burnt her finger on the stove while cooking, and they’re both traumatized. Wife says she can’t send a picture it’ll have to wait until I get home… That she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t want to force daughter to take a bath. So I leave early and come home… Bummer. When I get home they’re on the couch watching TV and I try to start a conversation with my daughter about what happened how she’s feeling. Daughter straight up said ‘go away. I don’t want you.’ Ok, kids say the darndest things. It hurts and I’m sad so I go sit on the other side of the couch and eat my dinner. My demeanor apparently wasn’t appropriate and I needed to ‘buck up’ according to my wife. After getting the kid into bed I had the audacity to tell my wife that I need space to have my feelings and that I’m allowed to feel sad in certain situations. Well…I got my space. Sleeping on the couch.
What kinda Dad am I supposed to be here? Should I have forced my daughter, kicking and screaming, to eat a real dinner, take a bath, and go to bed on time? Should I have just been a robot and not been sad?
TL;DR: Dad feels like he can’t be sad. Wife mad when Dad sad.
Comments
Have a full honest conversation with your wife.
I’m no marriage person or anything, but I wouldn’t let it slide with her putting you on the couch over something like that. She’s definitely being petty over you vocalizing how you feel.
That said, I dont really know how to navigate it. Only real thing I can think of is counseling to help your wife get on the same page as you and understand your feelings about the situation more. I’m sure she has her own grievances but it doesn’t sound like its going to be possible in making it clear to each other without some kind of mediator. I get you both have busy schedules that dont really overlap, but its worth looking into.