I’ve been dating a woman (35f) off and on and I’m wondering if a recent revelation is a red flag or I’m overthinking.
She told me a story about how she is close to her father and has always craved his approval, and believes that her relationship with him is “extremely healthy” in a way that gives her zero daddy issues. She said he always went out of his way to compliment her and build her confidence (which is obviously great).
An example, though: when she was getting ready for her senior prom, he was in the room while she changed into her dress, and he saw her completely nude. She said neither of them had any weirdness about it and he just said “you’re perfect.” This gave her a shot of confidence that is with her to this day.
I was honestly a little shocked at this story. Am I overreacting?
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Let me say, I love hearing stories of fathers supporting their daughters. My dad has been my biggest supporter my whole life.
However it is not socially acceptable for a young lady of that age to be nude in front of her father or for him to be ok with that.
I’ve come to learn families are just different. It could possibly be a red flag, but it could just be a super close family? I do try to give the benefit of the doubt though. To me, this would be very weird and uncomfortable, but so would kissing my parents on the mouth and there’s lots of people who do that apparently. I’d just keep an open mind, and open eyes.
If a parent’s reaction to seeing the adolescent child nude is anything but embarrassment and awkwardness, there’s something wrong.
I think I had a great childhood with well balanced parents. I have never craved my parents’ attention because I had it. We don’t crave things we have. It sounds as though something is off here, but she doesn’t see it. I don’t know whether it will be an issue, but it’s a place you may need to tread lightly. She prizes her relationship with her dad, and likely won’t be open to any kind of feedback that says otherwise. My late husband had a similar relationship with his mom. The first time I met her, she was a stone bitch to me. Like, as rude as any individual has ever been to my face. When we left, I said “that was interesting”. His response was to tell me how special she is.
Tangentially, I assume you used the phrase daddy issues because those are the words your girlfriend used, but that phrase is so problematic. We make girls and women responsible somehow for their fathers being absent? So if a girl / woman has challenges related to her father being absent or abusive or whatever, we label her as a psycho for having daddy issues rather than showing empathy for her having a shitty role model and insufficient support to process same. I’ll get off my soapbox.
Good luck and be gentle with your gf.
Can’t say I have trust that this post is for real, but if it is and even if it isn’t “daddy issues,” in what world would it be appropriate for her to even want to share her father saw her naked and made such a comment on her. It’s creepy.
Some people just have to sexualize everything. I would have sold my soul for a confidence builder like that from my dad on prom night. (or any night) Instead my dad told me I looked like a street walker. THAT was inappropriate.
I mean, my parents have seen me nude as an adult, but it’s usually due to medical conditions (getting checkups, ultrasounds of the chest area, surgery etc.) and it doesn’t bother me much.
If a nip slips while I’m changing around them I also don’t care, but I do try not to be fully nude around them unless absolutely necessary (like when my mom had to help me shower for a bit due to the aforementioned medical issues).
EDIT: You’re not wrong for being uncomfortable though, we all have different boundaries and if you’re not comfortable with that dynamic then you can find someone who has family values more like yours! You can’t change her relationship with her dad, though, so it’s either put up with it or leave.
Maybe dad is or was a nudist.
That’s gross, weird and inappropriate. Unless they are a nudist family. His comment about her body being "perfect" is also creepy. He should not be judging and commenting on her body. Wtf?
Yeah, that’s weird.
Throughout high school, our daughter had a brain tumour and was in and out of hospital. She was too weak to bathe herself many times so her father and I helped her, which obviously means we both saw her without clothes. It wasn’t weird between my husband and daughter (or between she and I) because it was an act of love and necessity. It was utilitarian.
Neither one of us would’ve ever said ‘you’re perfect’ whilst looking at her putting on a prom dress because we wouldn’t violate her privacy like that. And if we did see them naked and said something like that, any of our daughters would feel so uncomfortable.
This doesn’t sit right.
🤮