I dunno if it’s because I’m autistic, or because of the CPTSD but even if it’s something small I (23f) continuously berate myself for not understanding sooner. Usually I end up drawing the argument out because I make assumptions and then judge off that instead of just asking what the person means. And then after the argument is resolved and everything is okay, I feel horrible and just cry and cry and cry because it usually could have been avoided if I just hadn’t made the assumption and get mad based off of something that 9/10 times isn’t even true. I’m getting mad at myself because I can’t just get over it like a normal person. I have to replay it in my head over and over and over until eventually I find something else to fixate on. Does anyone else get this way or should I ask about adjusting my meds? 😅
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It might be because you’re missing 5000yrs of your history as a woman. This happens if you reject your biblical history. Also, believe in computer science history. As strange as it sounds, it should help.
Yup, I do this. I understand exactly what you mean. I have similar issues due to being raised by narcissists. To this day I can have a hard time humbling myself and trying to approach things with curiosity over judgement. And then I too fixate on it.
I call it the shame spiral, or toxic shame.
Just keep reminding yourself that resolving these mistakes and owning up to them is a sign of maturity. We are all human and fuck up. And we learn by making mistakes and doing the wrong thing… sometimes big and life-changing mistakes, sometimes small. But big or not, we still learn through those conflicts. Instead of beating yourself up over said mistakes, try to instead reframe it as a learning moment, that you can gain insight from and better yourself from. Take it as something to self reflect upon, not beat yourself over.
& If you’re struggling with it, look up toxic shame on YouTube and there’s tons of professionals out there that explore it. There’s lots of self help books, such as Healing the Shame that Binds you. Or also you could seek out therapy too, therapy helped me a lot.
Definitely. I’ve been berating myself lately for something I said in 2007.