I have a unique ass-profile (think Hank Hill) and so when I sit on the pot, my cheeks act like two parts of a drop-in brass bearing.
I must spead, or I risk running a Playdoh Factory press.
I don’t take 2 hands and spread em before plopping down, but I also don’t sit flat so my cheeks squish together. You ever so subtly sit with one cheek first and move your pelvis an inch towards the other side before seating so that you’re sitting on your ass muscles, not the squishy folds of ass skin and fat.
If it’s a particularly heinous crime I’m about to commit, the pelvis is moving 2 inches for a fuller spread. I’ll go hands on and abandon all caution if it’s a time until projectile concern.
I’ll open my butt chick’s very wide when I need to decompress my butt and I have a visit at home… Especially if I have female friends because girls can be sensitive to noisy anatomy 🧌
This is why this is the first form of social media. If you call it that I’ve ever been on it’s amazing that in 2025 you cretins could be amused and waste your time with this garbage
Comments
You mean sitting on a toilet seat doesn’t maximize your spread?
Yes but I didn’t used to have to. I’ve got too much cheek in the way, it’s absolutely necessary to spread before I sit.
I thought I was the only one
I have a unique ass-profile (think Hank Hill) and so when I sit on the pot, my cheeks act like two parts of a drop-in brass bearing.
I must spead, or I risk running a Playdoh Factory press.
Yep. Used to worry that my ass would stay separate like that. Kinda like going blind spending too much time with Rosie and her 5 friends.
If you’re thinking this much about it, you really need a bidet, friend. Come. Come to the dark side. We have heated seats and a blow dry setting.
you could shave your butthole hair and make it even easier to clean up- farts get a little louder tho so it’s a tradeoff
always, dont even know if it makes a difference and too scared to find out lol
Helps you push more effectively and keeps you cleaner.
That’s just gross.
Used to, until I started getting hemorrhoids, and my doc said to stop spreading, which caused the hemorrhoids.
What like in front of the mirror or something?
I do it so my farts are more of a ssssss than a brrrrrt sound.
I don’t take 2 hands and spread em before plopping down, but I also don’t sit flat so my cheeks squish together. You ever so subtly sit with one cheek first and move your pelvis an inch towards the other side before seating so that you’re sitting on your ass muscles, not the squishy folds of ass skin and fat.
If it’s a particularly heinous crime I’m about to commit, the pelvis is moving 2 inches for a fuller spread. I’ll go hands on and abandon all caution if it’s a time until projectile concern.
I spread one when I wipe but I don’t spread them when sitting
Does anybody not?
Do people not do this? I thought that was the standard operating procedure. I can’t imagine not spreading my cheeks when I sit on the toilet.
I’ll open my butt chick’s very wide when I need to decompress my butt and I have a visit at home… Especially if I have female friends because girls can be sensitive to noisy anatomy 🧌
Yes, I do. I use both hands to spread the cheeks and everything.
Bro just get a bidet and be done with it
Yes tf I do!
Instead of a special technique, maybe your diet needs a little cleanup to avoid this situation.
In my experience Fatty Foods = Greasy Stools
Fascinating
It sounds like you sit like Dr. Robotnik in that piano Gif.
This comment secti9n has given me a lot to think about and I am grateful for i feel my clean up is about to get much easier
I spread em and use a squatty potty
What an odd way to gloat about being caked up
And here I thought I was the only one who did this.
My toilet seat is designed to do that for me.
This is why this is the first form of social media. If you call it that I’ve ever been on it’s amazing that in 2025 you cretins could be amused and waste your time with this garbage
lol no. But I’m a pretty skinny dude so maybe that’s why.
I’m no inventor, but after reading this thread I’m certain somebody could achieve product market fit for this category.
Not me reading this on the toilet 2 minutes after doing exactly that