DAE with bpd go through a major personality switch once starting medication?

I don’t know where else to post this but I’m desperately trying to find if there are others experiencing a similar situation.

Since being on 50mg of vyvanse and 50mg of fluvoxamine, I find that I don’t have any feelings towards others. I love my family of course, but that’s because they’re family. When it comes to friends, I find that I don’t care about their feelings, or if they decide to leave or not. I also have an increased amount of narcissistic thoughts, although I have not acted on these, I can sense that the thoughts are beginning to bleed into my actions and words. Although I hate the way I look, I often think I am better than everyone else. It makes it difficult to talk to others. Especially if they’re saying things I already know, because I’ll become frustrated that they’re wasting time talking to me about basic knowledge instead of actually doing something with this knowledge. It is also why therapy never worked for me, I have had many therapist refer to me as “self aware” and tell me I “already know what’s wrong and how to fix it”. The issue is, I have no motivation to do so. I don’t have any concrete plans to kill myself, but if I was given a gun or something pill to kill me instantly, I would take it. I think because I believe my life is dispensable, all my connections with others are as well. I have no deep connections with anyone. It’s not that I’m closed off, it’s just that when I do talk about myself, I can sense that the other person isn’t paying attention, or that they’re waiting for their turn to talk about themselves. I feel like no one knows me. I’ve gotten to a point where I know myself, I think. But expressing this knowledge has proven difficult. I also have noticed that I am unable to play games such as “two truths and a lie” or “never have I ever” or virtually any games where I have to come up with something relatable to others, while also being entertaining. I know I have experienced many unique things compared to my friends, but when put on the spot to search out those things with no specific guidelines, I fail. I don’t feel like a real person, I don’t feel like anyone else is real, I feel like the only real person, I don’t feel like my brain is in the correct body. I don’t think my diagnoses are correct, I have little faith in the Canadian healthcare system. I wish to know what is wrong with me, and I want to know why I feel like I’m simply an observer. I know I have expressed my feelings of indifference towards others people, but I feel so much love and empathy for animals or living things. This has its exceptions, if I can’t see the purpose of their life, I don’t like them. Mosquitoes for example. I feel this way about humans sometimes, or specific people. If they are unable to contribute anything positive to this world, they shouldn’t be alive. This also brings up another issue I’ve been having; my undeniable rage and violent fantasies towards those who have harmed others with no good reason. I often imagine killing a bad person with just my teeth. The desire to bite into someone snarling and foaming at the mouth while digging my teeth into them is present with every waking moment. I wish to defend myself more than anyone else though. When I think of people who have hurt me, I can only think of the way blood will pump out of them in harmony with their weakening heartbeat. I feel like I am a relatively calm and gentle person, but I know I have so much anger in me. I feel it every day, all the time. But I’m never able to express it. When given the chance to yell and scream or fight back, I stand still and quiet, staring. I just observe the way the other person lashes out and hurts me, I watch every twitch of their mouth, or their fists tightening. I don’t think I was made for a life interacting with bad people, because I know that in these bad situations, I stay still. But I know that all this observing and learning will lead to something eventually. Some kind of breakdown I’m sure. I think this medication is wrong for me, it’s blocking any feelings I should have towards people. Another thing, when I sense that someone likes me in a romantic sense, or has feelings of lust towards me, I feel proud but also insanely angry. I guess it just depends on the person. For example, if I sense that a person has romantic feelings towards me because they believe they know me well enough, I get angry. But, if I sense that someone has feelings of lust towards me, I feel proud. I hate the thought that someone out there thinks they “know me” because I know that’s not the case. No one has truly taken the time to know me. And I’m so eager to have someone know me, no one’s right though. But others looking at me and seeing me in a sexual light feels natural, and so I don’t care as long as they don’t act on those feelings. You don’t need to know me to admire my shell, or body idk. I’m the kind of person that reassures everyone that I like them. I want everyone around me to be happy, that way they continue to hang out with me. But since starting this fucking medication, I couldn’t care less about how others feel. This isnt to say I go around being rude, but I also don’t take extra care like I used to so I can make sure everyone’s egos are fluffed up. I also hate when people accuse me of having feelings or opinions for which I have never expressed. Putting words in my mouth. Hate it. I hope to discuss this with my psychiatrist in the coming months to hopefully get a more accurate diagnosis. I have been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder, and adhd. I’m depressed I know that. But I believe I was misdiagnosed with bpd. The diagnosing process was no more than 30 minutes. And it was just ticking off boxes.

Constant anger and irritation
Feelings of indifference and superiority
Constant narcissistic thoughts
Constant violent thoughts about others and self
No emotion or feeling towards anyone. No care about life events. Feelings of floating through life but still feeling weighed down.
Difficulty crying, being happy, or maintaining any emotions for reasonable amounts of time.
No sex drive
No feelings of sexual attraction or love

I haven’t acted on any of these thoughts. My movements in life have been cut and dry, I don’t do much other than eat, sleep, work. Nothing interests me or brings me joy, and nothing makes me sad or scared. I’m just angry, and that seems to be the only feeling I have in response to events in my life. I also recently feel disconnected from myself. When I think back to me a year or two years ago, I don’t see it as me. Everything except the present feels very distant and unfamiliar, like the only me to exist is the me that exists now, but I also feel as though I don’t exist and that I’m simply stuck in this body as a test and someone is watching me all the time. Like the real me is hooked up to some wires and is connected to the body I am in now. But this world and my life and my body and relationships are all fabricated all for research, for something. It’s because I don’t feel real that I feel so resentful of others, because in my mind they aren’t real, but they don’t know that. They are living life like normal.

My actions/mannerisms are representative of someone who is tired, or on autopilot. But I feel like exploding every second of every day. Very angry all the time. And I have this urge, constantly, to bite into things. I have this reoccurring fantasy that I hurt someone badly with just my teeth.

I’m not a mean person, and if this post gives that vibe, just know I am doing my best to change it. I just want to know if this is part of the recovery process.