I went on a second date last night. He’s an acquaintance that I met a few years ago and we recently reconnected after my relationship ended. Both dates were very fun, and the connection and chemistry were there.
Last night went a bit off the rails though. We had some drinks and he confessed that he’s falling in love with me, he wants me to be his girlfriend and he’s told everyone in his life all about me.
It’s just way too much way too soon. He’s really sweet and I like him but I’m not looking to jump right back into a relationship. I want to have fun and date around and enjoy single life. I’m not sure if I would be interested in a relationship with him at all—the level of intensity is freaking me out and I think it’s a red flag and could mean that he’s also very jealous and insecure.
How do I talk to him about this? Do I just end it now? I wouldn’t mind seeing him again because we had lots of fun together but that seems selfish and unfair when I know we want completely different things.
Comments
Let him know you’re not looking for a relationship and end it.
Honestly, that would freak me out enough that I would be running. But my dark side would be whispering that I should turn the tables and act as a crazy lady and start saying that I’m so in love with him and we should get married tomorrow 😀
But yeah, it’s a textbook love bombing
Yeah tell him you’re not trying to do that. I would not recommend seeing him again
Just from what you’ve stated that you want at this point, you need to (my opinion) is to end it, and not on or after another date.
Wether he is displaying a red flag, it may not be jealousy, it may be lack of past connection, not dating or being in a relationship, etc. It could also be his lack of emotional intelligence.
I think the promise of another date not only leads him on, it builds his expectations OF a relationship. He may be playing things out in his mind as the happy couple.
Please, call him, don’t see him and end it…
It feels like he’s either very socially awkward and inexperienced with relationships (maybe he thinks being this forward is what women are looking for) or he’s love-bombing and that will eventually lead to heartbreak for you later..
You know him better than the internet does.
If you think it’s the former, then tell.him what you’re looking for (“I’ve been enjoying out time together, but I’m not looking to jump right back into a relationship. I want to have fun and date around and enjoy single life.”)
If you think he’s the latter, tell him you aren’t feeling a connection and you don’t see moving forward with him.
Personally I’d end it because my experiences with men like this have never gone well- they’re super emotional, unstable, emotionally immature, and throw me off because I feel like they’re not seeing ME- they’re interfacing with this fantasy version of me. I want to be seen as a human, so I don’t get down with this kind of energy.
Earlier this year I went on a date with a guy after meeting him once for coffee- he said he deleted the apps, told his friends he thinks he found his wife, he said he’s so happy to be with a “10”… Needless to say, I told him I respectfully didn’t feel a connection and I blocked him.
It’s one thing to tell his friends and family if he had an amazing date and was excited. I can see that happening and being valid and not a red flag.
But after 2 dates, he doesn’t know you well enough to be falling in love with you. He may be very excited about the connection and where it could lead- but to me it’s definitely a red flag when a grown man cannot differentiate between excitement about a prospect of romance, with feelings of genuine love. To be in love with someone requires that you know them deeply, or else it’s infatuation and being in love with a fantasy.
If you really like the guy it may be worth it to tell him you’re interested, but want to take things slow and are not comfortable being referred to as his girlfriend. Don’t go out more than once or twice a week, implement boundaries that you feel good about, and see how he responds.
Maybe he had an overeager moment of candour when he was intoxicated and spoke in a hyperbolic way, and I think how he responds to you taking things very slow and telling him you just want to date casually without putting any labels on exclusivity on things will give you the answer you need. If he respects that without issue- good sign. If he is pushy- I’d cut it off ASAP.
If you really like him and think this is a mostly harmless error, I’d talk to him. I briefly dated a guy like this who was sweet and inexperienced, and when he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend, I said, “what do you think that means?” and we had completely different understandings.