I’m 30 years old. I’ve only dated one person , it only lasted a couple of months and was 7 years ago (so after both high school and university).
Recently , I can’t remember exactly how it came up , a friend of a friend was really shocked I was straight. He was convinced I was gay. He said it’s cause I’m quite camp.
So I’ve now got it in my head that this is why I can’t get women to take an interest in me that way.
So looking for two things;
– is being camp really a turn off stopping women from seeing me that way
– if so, what am I meant to do? I actually really like who I am 🙁 do I need to change just so I can have a dating life , touch a girl and be touched back ?
Comments
What the hell does “camp” mean?
Being “camp” is a subjective term. I feel you could get better advice if you were more specific on how exactly you are “camp”.
“He said it’s cause I’m quite camp.”
Damn. For a gay guy to tell you think, you must really be behaving some sort of way.
If you like yourself, great, but be realistic that there were be fewer women who will be interested in you. Seems strange, but you’d probably be better off letting women think you’re gay and then they will feel the need to “flip” you.
You can be as camp is you like if you are good with females. You are clearly not. So not being good with talking to females and confident in making moves with them is your real problem.
Just like we men tend to feel more attracted to more feminine women (gentle, delicate, sweet), women tend to be more attracted to more masculine men (calm, serious, deep voice, tall and strong).
Surprised you dont have many friends thay are woman because woman dig that. And then you can make your move on all them after they fall for your trap.
Join mostly female hobby clubs (sewing, knitting, painting, yoga, book, cooking, palates, etc) and when introducing yourself add something along the lines of “I’m a bit extra for a straight man, but you work with the cards you’re dealt”.
Even if you don’t click with anyone in the club (perhaps because they are all grandmas), you’ll get blind dates with whoever is single that they know.
Of course, you have to not be a snarky negative Nancy dickhead kind of extra for this to work.
From your own description you’re coming off as a flamboyant gay man. My dude, women probably won’t know you’re straight. Next time you’re out with your buddies and you find yourself around a woman you find attractive, compliment and flirt with her. Let her know you are interested in HER. 🙂
First of all, you got to try harder with women. Haven’t dated anyone in 7 years ago?
Maybe you aren’t homosexual, but perhaps asexual?
Ask your friends that are women on what their objective opinion of you are. Perhaps they can give you advice.
A lot of women are actually attracted to this, so it might be that they just assume you are gay because our brains tend to stereotype in a way. So if you just say things in conversation to imply you are straight, I’d bet you’ll find a lot more women interested in you.
What does camp even mean? I’ve never heard this term before.
I mean why is it that you’ve only had 1 brief relationship in the last 7 years of your 20s?
I don’t think that the cause of this is your behaviour being “camp”, whatever that means. There’s clearly some other factors that you’ve left out.
The Fuck is “Camp” ??
So, basically, you read as a gay guy.
Do you act on attractions? When you have a woman around that you’d like to date do you initiate conversation and actually ask women out or just hope they’ll fall into your bed with no effort whatsoever?
I believe there is a lid for every pot. I’m sure there are women who would be into your campness.
You don’t need to change who you are to have a fulfilling dating life. Being a camp straight man might cause some people to misread your sexuality at first, but that doesn’t mean women won’t be interested in you. In fact, many women appreciate men who are expressive, emotionally open, and confident in themselves. What might help is being a bit more intentional in how you express romantic interest, being clear, flirty, and open about your orientation when it comes up. Misunderstandings happen, but that doesn’t mean you need to suppress parts of your personality. You said you like who you are, and that’s incredibly important. Keep being you, and the right person will be drawn to your authenticity.
Women want a man to be manly so time to man up bro!
Being camp can be a turn off for some women. Some like more manly men, and some don’t mind a man that has some feminine tendencies. It’s really just a matter of being around/attracting a certain kind of woman. My advice is to maybe dial it back a bit in the beginning & see what the vibes are with these women & then ease into your real personality lol
Camp is fine, but do you actually pursue women? That is not incompatible with camp or being yourself. Pursuing, initiating, etc. is hard and takes some practice, but that is the primary indicator to me. Until I see a guy actually ask a girl out and either get a yes or get shot down, then to me it’s all potentially hazy and hypothetical not necessarily their orientation but whether anything is going to come of it either way. It takes a pretty concrete, strong desire to overcome fear of rejection and ask or initiate or otherwise put it out there in bold terms, “I am attracted to you, will you give me a chance for more than friendly acquaintance?”
It sounds fine with me. Just don’t be camp in some ways. Like a lot of “very straight” guys are jealous and mad at their girlfriend for getting male attention. Please don’t be messy with those you love. It sounds like a good time to be honest as long as those worries didn’t come to fruition.
Describing yourself as “camp” doesn’t help.
Your 30 bro. Dont listen to what people say. Your not old and your not magically a “wise old man”. Being stupid and dumb is normal well into 30s. 30s is just like 20s but typically with a little more money. At 30 your old enough to date moms or their daughters. Live it up
Given the number of women who fall for gay men, this should actually work to your advantage.
Dont let a random person define u with a queer term. Thats ridiculous
I’ve always been extremely effeminate, to the point I’m out as NB now, but straight men all my life have confused that for being gay.
Basically, most straight men have no functional gaydar and classify everything that isn’t perfectly heteronormative male gender performance as gay.
But women in my life have always understood me to be straight, even though they often consider me “one of the girls”. Heck, I was even a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding 25 years ago.
You haven’t described how you’re trying to date. It doesn’t just happen. What effort are you making?
First off I would encourage anyone to be the best version of themselves, for themselves, instead of trying to change into someone they think other people will like. It’ll make you happier and it’ll help the right person who likes you for you find you, and it’ll keep you from having a sad identity crisis years into a relationship.
What I would ask about your situation with the information provided is whether your humour and tendency to exaggerate might be interpreted to someone who doesn’t know you as you being disingenuous, shallow, or not confident in who you are and thus masking your actual thoughts and emotions with humour? Or is some of your humour sort of dry, or even a little mean?
If that is possibly the case, it’s probably a bit of a turn off or overwhelming for someone who just met you who would otherwise consider dating you. It might be a good idea to put yourself out there with women, but in a way that’s slightly calmer, more direct, and more nice while still being true to yourself.
I say this because my humour can be pretty dry, I am a bit sarcastic, and my friends know that I’m quite kind so if I’m saying something that sounds like it could be mean they know I’m being ironic. All that is fine and fun around people who know me, but I’ve learned to titrate my affect a bit based on how well the people around me and I know each other.
I mean, I’m kind of surprised this is a problem. A camp man sounds mostly desirable and fun.
It’s definitely going to depend on the person, though. You may not have found the right crowd? Not everyone is super heteronormative.
Heteronormative people might be placing you in a femme or gay box subconsciously, and some women will not be into it.
Personally, I’ve mostly dated feminine men and enjoy a bit of silliness as long as it’s at a non-startling volume.
Also it could have nothing to do with being camp.
Wtf is camp
They were just talking about this on Savage Love! I don’t remember Dan’s advice… 🤔
There are women out there who are into camp men. I promise you.
Maybe you can trick the system? I’m assuming here that you’re liberal, but if you find a queer community and become the token straight you’ll be wearing a label in a sea of camp. Hope that helps!
Don’t change yourself at all.
Some guy at my university was super camp, everyone just assumed he was a twink, then one day he turned up with the hottest girlfriend
Turns out he wasn’t gay at all.
I think you need to just approach more women, be more sexually forward (like, don’t be in your face about it but don’t be shy to show someone you think they’re attractive), and get on the apps
Good luck
Just be the goofy silly guy you are man,
Ha, this reminds me of three separate conversations I had yesterday at a family thing. “So, are you seeing a guy… or girl?” I’ve been single so long (longer than OP), people aren’t sure anymore which way I go.
It may not just be the campness, it may be the singleness that’s prompting this.
Probably act more masculine until you find her. I’m a gross rat and inside this hot girly girl is a sweaty Armenian midget that smokes cigars and takes big dumps.
Brother start going for bisexual women. I am in the same ‘camp’ no pun intended as you and I have found that I am too gay for some straight women but bisexual women eat me up like catnip
From the way you describe yourself, you sound like my youngest son. He’s overly dramatic (a drama queen!), he’s very animated, loves to act silly, wears pink & sparkles like a tween girl. He is straight as an arrow, & his gf is absolutely beautiful. There are women who will accept you for who you are. Don’t change in order to settle.
I have the opposite problem. I’m not ‘camp’ enough for the gay men lol.
Being “camp” would be a turn-off for me because it is, at its core, a display of inauthentic energy for the purpose of seeking attention. Why would I want to date someone who is purposefully inauthentic and attention-seeing? That would be exhausting. I’m a partner, not an audience.
It sounds like you should figure out why you put out this persona before you start dating. Why are you trying to create the emotional distance that this persona creates? Why are you scared to just be normal and have real conversations?
knowing what camp means automatically makes you gay
I’ve never heard a straight man use that term. OP it sounds like you are a very specific flavor. There must be situations where you’d find your people like maybe a local trivia night or paint and sip gathering etc think of things people who are “camp” might like to do for fun. Even a local choir gathering check out meet up.com or your local city reddit page and you will probably find some kindred spirits.
Call me old, but what’s the meaning of camp? Im can’t keep up with the new age shit lol
Get a t-shirt made with the word “Straight” on it. Take advantage of the conversations it starts.
Look for and date bisexual women. They are WAY MORE open to that kinda camp behaviour.
Is everyone here gen Z by any chance, telling you that all girls only want manly men 😅 you may not know that there is a subset of women that find a bit of campness REALLY attractive if it is combined with cheekiness and sexuality. His interviews have aged incredibly badly, but just watch old Russell Brand interviews, the eyeliner stage! I had the biggest crush on a guy that had the same vibe: a bit of girlyness, a bit of an edge. You have to dial up the sex side (obviously don’t take notes from Russell brand on this one, he’s just an example of the trend) in order to balance out the platonic vibes. If you like being camp, lean into it and work on the flirtatious bit instead. My examples are out of fashion now, but there must be someone who is similar and a sex symbol
Yeah it’s sad believe me missy When you’re born to be a sissy Without the vim and verve Well I could show my prowess Be a lion not a mowess If I only had the nerve
“Touch a girl and be touched back”
Is that your only reason for getting a relationship??
It’s a sad but true fact that many many straight women have strict views on what “being a man” is, speaking as a bi woman. Many conversations with straight women have taught me that our tastes in men are leagues apart – and that’s not meant to box straight women in, there are certainly exceptions, but that for the most part, I’ve found that I and other bisexual women value different things in our men than straight women do.
I don’t think you should change who you are, but I would recommend trying to expand your social scenes to include those with LGBT women, or at least those with straight allies involved. You’re still young, there’s lots of time to find someone; don’t measure yourself on anyone else’s timeline.
Best of luck <3
You’ll find your one. Idk exactly how you are, but I feel we’re similar and I’ve found my one. So you can too. It’s just when