A lot of people get tangled up in the fact of the notion of “don’t shit where you eat” but the thing is it’s not a bad idea to pursue co workers as potential dating interests. We as people are busy work 40 hours a week some more some less but you get the general gist. If you and a co worker have similar interests and find each other attractive it’s okay to go date them and a lot of people even marry their co workers.
I get it that sometimes shit doesn’t work out and that’s fine no one has to be weird about it if you guys break up. It’s not that deep people break up all the time. Remain cordial at work be respectful and if it didn’t work out then it didn’t work out.
We see our co workers probably more than anyone else and if two people can hit it off I say go for it. I think it’s a great idea to date a co worker if you can.
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People say playing the lottery is a bad idea, but 1 person wins every day. Its the same concept, more coworker relationships end up bad than they do good.
Depends where you live and the culture of it all it’s fairly normal where i live and where a lot of people meet their partners.
I mean if you’re totally sure the person would be cordial about a breakup, sure. But if the other person does decide to act weird about it, then work is probably gonna be a bad time. And unfortunately you don’t always know how someone will react to a breakup unless you get there.
I think it does depend on the place though. If you work for a large company and you don’t see each other super often, it makes more sense to me. If you work closely together that’s different IMO. And maybe this is my introverted side speaking, but if I worked closely with someone for 40 hours a week and then saw them often outside of work too… we might get tired of each other lol
Based on how many folks actually do this, I wouldn’t say this is unpopular, though I’d never do it.
I met my partner of 18 years at work.
Each to their own but if I ever have to see someone for 8 hours a day and then go home and see them too I would jump out of a building no matter how much I liked them. Maybe if they were in a different department or something.
I know this couple that runs a dental practice together and basically spends every waking second together for like decades, I don’t know how people do it.
its fine in theory but breakups arent always able to be cordial. you dont know what people are like outside of work once you start forming deeper connections. sometimes you realize too late that the person you liked and thought was amazing is actually a stalker, creeper, abuser, manipulator, rapist, etc. then after you break up youre stuck working with them and have to remain professional after the trauma they caused you. it makes going to work a living nightmare and not everyone can just switch jobs.
>I get it that sometimes shit doesn’t work out and that’s fine no one has to be weird about it if you guys break up. It’s not that deep people break up all the time. Remain cordial at work be respectful and if it didn’t work out then it didn’t work out.
Yea, people break up all the time, and a lot of the time it ends badly, or at least in a way that you don’t want to see your ex every single day. With a coworker, you don’t have that option, you have to deal with them daily regardless of how the breakup went.
Never fish off the company pier is a saying for a reason.
The realistic outlook on this is that most people are NOT emotionally mature enough to be in relationships to begin with. And you think it’s a good idea to pair two emotionally immature people together in a setting where they have to maintain professionalism post breakup or during their relationship? Good luck
In some workplaces it is forbidden. It is never wise.
It’s generally best to keep it professional at work. It can go sideways too often.
If someone tells you that they’re quitting, that might be a good time to ask for their socials and go from there.
its not a bad idea
just keep it civil, leave the intimacy after work and come to an agreement that there will be no tension after a breakup if that happens
It’s not the dating in itself, but breaking up that can get really really messy. Especially if one outranks the other (which can happen after you start dating too)
I was my wife’s buddy on her 1st day of her new job. Over a decade later I’m still doing a great job. Although my review that year didn’t reflect that…
Wow an actual unpopular opinion
I think for a certain type of person this can be okay. If both people are very accommodating, easy going people that don’t easily get jealous then it may be fine. However if either one is a little bit controlling it can be a nightmare whether the relationship works out well or it doesn’t, either way can be bad.
My good friend had to leave his job because he couldn’t stand working with his girlfriend. They are still together and love each other, but he specifically told me one of the main reasons he left was to get some distance from her. Not good.
Edit: I realize I used the word controlling, that is a red flag for any partner but I don’t know how else to say it. A very organized person who likes things a certain way.
It’s just lazy af to me.
And it can go wrong so easily.
In my experience dating co-workers has been fine. Dating superiors or people you have authority over on the hand is a much different story and can be messy. I’d hate for a relationship to fall out with the person who decides my promotions, raises and demotions.
In think it’s impossible to make a blanket statement about this; there are so many variables. It depends on your job, it depends on how closely you have to work with that person, it depends how much of that person’s life you will be subject to if you breakup, it depends on how cordial that person can be, it depends on HR regulations, it depends on if you plan on moving up in the company, it depends on your positions in the job, it depends on how often you see them, etc.
A couple at my job met, got married, have kids, and are still going strong. Another couple at my job met, got together, broke up, and one had to quit. It’s so hit or miss that I feel like it’s hard to say it’s straight up good or bad.
Depends on where you’re at in your career, how long you have been at the company, and how mobile your skill set is.
Two new grads meeting at their first real job, go for it.
Sr. Executive fucking the intern, not a good idea.
It’s not necessarily a good one either
I mean, it’s totally natural that people who are around each other a lot and get along might pursue a romantic relationship.
I married mine
I met my SO at work. We are in our fourth year together, lived together for over 2 years, and still work together
It is NOT something that anyone can pull off, it takes a very specific type of person to make it work
We’ve watched others try at this same place and so far no one else has managed to make it work and it always ends with at least one of them having to leave the company
It entirely depends on the individuals involved.
I don’t date coworkers anymore because in the past when I dated a coworker and the relationship ended it just became a distraction I didn’t want or need.
I couldn’t date my coworkers… they annoy me…
Also, once you hit management you have to be REALLY careful who you date. A lot of corporations prohibit inter-company dating.
It’s always a bad idea. Which is why I’ve done it twice.
Well sure if you can guarantee neither party minds working with SO all day, and also guarantee both are mature adults if it goes sideways. That’s just not the case a lot of the time.
You do whatever you want. I will not shit where I eat.
I married my coworker, and we’re actually still coworkers. We work on the same projects all the time. But I get that we were really lucky
The majority of people don’t have the maturity to respectfully date in the workplace. As such, they are a bad idea for the majority of people.
I work in a small office of 6 people, 5 men, 1 woman. The only woman in the office is the daughter of the owner, and sister of one of my coworkers. I’m gonna pass on this idea.
I married my coworker last month
Refusing to date co-workers makes me wonder what kinda person they are…. like are you afraid the relationship WILL 100%, without a doubt, go up in flames horribly? What terrible things do you plan on doing once you’re dating? Have you never had a relationship end respectfully?
It wouldn’t be that bad as long as people left their personal shit at home, but the majority of people can’t. So when they inevitably break up, everyone gets subjected to their drama
It wa very fun while it lasted however when shit went south and you have to stay cordial with them for hours on end, it’s a bad idea
Not an unpopular opinion.
>It’s not that deep people break up all the time. Remain cordial at work be respectful and if it didn’t work out then it didn’t work out.
If it were that easy, you wouldn’t have to post this as an unpopular opinion.
Im happily married but if I were single I would not even think about trying to hit on someone at work in todays climate.
Think about how many people you’ve dated, where it didn’t work out. Think about the average number of people we date, before we tend to find a lo g lasting lasting relationship.
You wanna tell me that it’s not a bad idea to shit where you eat? Think of the shittiest breakup you’ve ever had, the awkward painful animosity. Now imagine that you see them every day after that, at work. Just that alone is bad enough, without the usual shit that tends to come with it – office gossip, them sabotaging your reputation with lies, HR nightmares, and that’s if there wasn’t a power imbalance that could end with you literally unemployed or even blacklisted in your field out of spite.
It’s not the dating when the issues pop-up. It’s when the breakup happens and shit goes down at work
I’m forced to be in one place for 40 hours a weeks, imma do what I want
I’ve dated a lot of coworkers, that’s just kind of a thing that happens in the bar industry. Though once it really blew up in my face and it absolutely sucked having to work behind the bar with him.
I dated a coworker. Got married 5 years later. Was it worth it? Hell yea, but I did leave that job because of all the jealous assholes becoming a problem for me, even my own boss
Not a good idea.
Very fair point, except some people don’t take breakups well and some people will deeply harass their ex’s which could make the environment like hell. Yeah you can be cordial but who knows if the other person will return the favor.
I’ve only dated one coworker. She’s my wife now. We liked each other so much we worked together at two other places.
Give this guy a couple of weeks / months / year and let’s see him fry his own ass
All fun and games until it’s a manager that becomes interested in you….. Euck… Nevermind the power balance where they could do anything to you but you can’t do shit about it. Who are they going to side with? Some employee that might leave after half a year, or a manager? ( Yes I know they take the employees seriously but I’m meaning in an especially toxic work place )
It’s not a bad idea, it’s an awful idea.
Sometimes I’m glad the majority agree on certain things.
It’s not a bad idea, it’s a horrible idea, if things go south. Once you get emotions involved what happens when you both have to work together daily after a bad breakup?
At worst you have to suck it up and continue coexisting together against your will. At best you disrupt teams and have to get moved around if your work lets you, which will upset leadership and hurt your reputation
I would personally never put an ex’s goodwill in charge of my salary.
I should hit on my coworkers you say?
It’s a great idea… untill shit hits the fan.
So the question really is, do you want to risk shit hitting the fan.
I agree. Never understood why people needed to cut themselves from potential partners for no reason
All is fair in love and war, but that doesn’t mean it should be part of your standard playbook. Coworker crushes? Let them be, if you can. Sometimes you can’t. And when that happens, sometimes you have to go for it.
I wouldn’t do it, but if you don’t care about office, go for it.
Unless one of you has a higher position in the company. That’s asking for trouble.
it’s the WORST idea. do NOT do this.
>I get it that sometimes shit doesn’t work out and that’s fine no one has to be weird about it if you guys break up. It’s not that deep people break up all the time. Remain cordial at work be respectful and if it didn’t work out then it didn’t work out.
This is the problem, there are people who simply cannot remain cordial after a breakup, and you’ll have no idea if that’s the kind of person they are until it’s too late.
Entirely depends on the place and if you work in the same section.
I dont know like anything in life its always contextual. You could meet your wife. Or just a girlfriend that ends badly.
Some people meet the love of their life at work, and some dont.
It is something you have to see and experience often in order to see how it goes to shit quickly. A stat I saw was 90 percent of people that date at work, one of them is gone from the company after a year. Where else are you forced to see your ex day in and out? Even if it works out, the person loses their independent identity. Dating at work is exciting the first week, then it goes downhill from there.
I met my wife at work. Granted it was a huge company (200k+ workers at the time) and we never even worked in the same line of business, we just worked at same location for a couple of years.
Me and my wife got together when we worked at the same place, it sometimes works out.
It isn’t a good idea if you aren’t emotionally mature enough to deal with it if it doesn’t work out which applies to most of the people around here. Especially the loud minority
Sometimes break ups are messy and leave people feeling resentful. Sometimes there’s cheating or domestic violence or any number of things that could result in the people hating each other in the end, creating a hostile work environment.
Also if you guys get in an argument at home then come in weird and aren’t spending much time around each other or taking your lunch together, then it becomes workplace drama that everyone is being nosey about and trying to take sides on.
What if you’re the jealous type and you see someone try to hit on your partner? Is that going to cause work issues?
I love my partner deeply and I really enjoy spending time with him, but I don’t know I would want to spend every second of my waking life around him both at home and at work.
Not to mention you being potentially distracted and performing worse with your close proximity romance 3 cubicles down.
Then what if your partner gets a promotion and is now technically your boss? You think the dynamic wouldn’t be weird?
There’s like a hundred reasons this is a terrible idea.
A broken clock is right twice a day but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fix it
I mean I’ve had co-workers date and get married. They’re all still together so.
Work is a vacation from my family.
I met my wife at work but she moved jobs once we were together
I don’t think it’s healthy to work together, I’ve no issue dating Co workers but I would expect if it did work out then one of you should move jobs once and it’s not that i wouldn’t want to spend all day with them (I would actually enjoy that) it’s because when I worked with my brother, outside of work it was alllll we ever talked about, fuck working for 8 hours then it being all you have to talk about when you are home
Done it twice, absolutely will not do it again.
My girlfriend and I are in completely different departments, in the same hospital. We have a great relationship 😁
Comparing dating to shitting is also probably why a lot of these people have trouble dating coworkers, or anyone for that matter.
The question is whether a new relationship is worth your career.
If you’re working at Taco Bell, why not?
If you’re a middle manager, probably best not to have that on your record.
Still if a relationship seems like it has potential to be long lasting, I’d say go for it.
Your job has already taken so much of your time, don’t let it take your potential future happiness too
I did this and it’s how I met my husband. Together ten years, married for 7, and very happy together.
We almost got in trouble for it because it started when we were both still in the military and he was two pay grades above me so we had to keep it on the DL until I ranked up. I’m a little older than him, though, but I joined way later than he did.
Let’s be real, people pick and choose when it’s acceptable and when it isn’t.
I agree. Meeting your partner at work is an extremely common way to meet a partner. And so is the gym, which people say you should never flirt at either.
I think Gen Z is generally very squeamish about flirting and relationships, and we maybe shouldn’t take romantic advice from the generation having record low amounts of relationships and sex.
I was engaged to a coworker. Messy, messy break up. But we hadn’t been coworkers for years at that point. It can work out.
Don’t shit where you eat.
This was my ex’s favorite way to cheat. She’d keep a job, do great for awhile, and then fuck a coworker or her boss.. then after the thrill was gone and shit got weird at work or she got caught up in a situation, she’d have to make up a reason to quit. Rinse, repeat. That whole “work wifey/hubby” shit is a red flag. Yall too close. Even polyamorous people be cheating at work
i think “no one has to be weird about if you guys break up” is easier said than done. in an ideal world thats great but like the human condition and what not
Done it twice. Ended very very poorly one of the times. You really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into and its more likely for things to go wrong.
Its work, act like an NPC, keep things impersonal and drama-free. Do your job and go home, life will be easier. Trust me.
I don’t really care about my jobs enough to not date my coworkers.
The only “bad outcomes” I’ve seen are social. I’m not really friends with any of the coworkers anyways generally. So it doesn’t really matter to me if xyz coworker is feeling animosity towards me because he was trying to date her and I did, or a girl is mad because we dated and it didnt work out.
What else would I do? Not bang the hot girl because we both happen to work for the same company? lol
I think if you work at an ice cream shop, or a nursing home or something it’d be fine. But if you’re in an office with corporate culture and everything probably not a good idea.
It really depends on how big your company/building is. I’ve dated multiple “co-workers” but my company was open 24/7 and had 500 people in it at any one time (pre-Covid) so they all were in different departments, different shifts, worked on a different floor, etc. I would not recommend doing it in a small company, as everyone will be up in your shit.
How many co workers have you dated? Did things go well?
This is only unpopular on Reddit. It’s incredibly, EXTREMELY common in the real world
As long as she quits, if the relationship ends, there won’t be a problem.
It was a bad idea for me and ended in a divorce. But it works for some people!
It would be fun to have sex at work during the day in a closet 🤭
I married my coworker. So yes, not a bad idea.
Co-workers….yes! Dating boss or subordinates is never a good idea.
Before online dating it was the second highest way of people meeting significant others
Na it’s not a bad idea but the thing is it’s that it can go VERY BAD.
Dating at work is fine until it’s not, then it’s the worst decision you ever made. I think you need to be fairly sure if you want to date someone you work with.
i’d say just try to do a diff department. if you’re gonna see each other a ton at work daily, not a great idea. fortunately, that is typically policy for companies anyways
As a Tech consultant, I thought dating someone I work with could be a good idea since we would already have something in common and we could sympathize with our work/life balance. I’ve dated people who don’t understand / respect my need to sometimes work late hours and weekends (I am not normalizing it, I hate it, but sometimes it happens).
In reality, you have to think about the power dynamic, presumed favoritism in the workplace, and jealous coworkers who will try to get you in trouble. I went to dinner with a coworker once and she told me she wanted to date me but she didn’t want her success to be tied back to me (we were the same level at the time). I understood, but our friendship basically ended there.
Too many factors going into it. I’d never do it personally. Plus my wife wouldn’t appreciate it.
I think dating coworkers is fine, I’ve done it myself. It can be really hard to meet people these days and if you get to know someone and there’s a genuine spark, and no troublesome conflict of interests like being their boss or something, I think its not only fine, but would be silly to pass up on a good romantic match because you both work for the same company.
That being said, I think the reason this advice exists is probably for a certain type of person (mostly male) who just sees every interaction with a woman as a potential to date or fuck, in which case yeah, you probably shouldn’t be hitting on or asking out every coworker you think is hot.
If you exclude people who are already coupled, I think you’re going to find that pretty much everyone is dtf in the office.
The dating part isnt the problem, it’s what happens when you have a messy breakup.
“Don’t shit where you eat” the problem is we don’t have many places to eat in the first place. Work is one of the only places where you’re regularly around other people.
I agree. I think it actually makes more sense than online dating.
Dated a lot of coworkers and have not had any problem whatsoever. I think a lot of people hear some things and then start to parrot it , even if they’ve had no personal experience with it. With that in mind, I do see how dating at the workplace could potentially be a problem, but it’s not some sort of rule that’s just set in stone. Context always matters
I’ve dated coworkers almost exclusively for years. I love doing it. You’ve gotta be mature about it and so do they so that breakups aren’t awkward. Never date someone who has control over your career, nor you theirs. But otherwise, it’s the best. You can have great conversations, gossip, low-key flirt at work.
This is a good take, but the part you don’t acknowledge though is that you may be able to be professional if it doesn’t go well, and you may think the other person would be able to handle it professionally, but you can’t really know that until it happens.
It’s all fun and games until you’re pursuing your way to the HR offices
Right, agreed. Especially if it’s a fairly large organization where you don’t have to see each other every day
I agree, BUT be aware, some people aren’t mature enough to be cordial and they make it weird.
I think it’s a pretty solid rule to not date anyone who says “don’t shit where you eat” –
But I think working with people — is how you get to know them. So, of course you’re going to meet people there you like. This is only a problem in corporate structure – at a level where people can afford to switch roles anyway –
Ideally sure, but being rational about a situation that deals with lots of potential emotions feels a bit naive. I’ve done it twice and had kinda no issues, but I’ve also seen it go sideways a lot more. Especially if they then move onto another coworker, then it gets spicy
I’ve seen nasty break ups from people who worked together and it was bad for everyone that worked with them
Yeah, break ups always are cordial and everyone keeps their personal and professional lives seperate. Common. This sounds like a science fiction story.
Most breakups require some time far apart. Sometimes it’s a mutual breakup. Many times, one party is done and the other didn’t read the memo.
You do you though.
It is how I met my wife.
If people could remain cordial I would agree with you but they don’t.
It’s a terrrible idea
The worst part about dating someone you work with is that after you breakup, you still have to work with them and keep things friendly.
This is something women think is fine but men don’t.
Women generally get a chance to meet people in the office and “date up” more than they would finding someone in a bar or randomly in the world.
But if HR gets involved, one of two things happens:
If the girl gets let go, she expects the man to pay for her until she gets another job, if she bothers to get another job.
If the guy gets let go, she will probably hang around for a month while he is job hunting before her frustrations result in calling him a deadbeat and leaving.
It’s a win-lose for women but it’s a lose-lose for men.
It is for me since I’m not gay
As someone who dated a supervisor at a previous job I can attest that it is a bad idea. It’s not that things can’t work but the fact that it can very easily create a toxic work environment. And in my case it very much did that. It’s bad because when things don’t work out it can be VERY bad.
You’re right. It isn’t a bad idea.
It’s a terrible one
This is fuckin awesome. Both my wives ended up doing this. After about 5 of them, she became a liability, and the promotion she’d been striving and groomed for suddenly vanished.
I don’t go to work to make friends or even discuss anything personal.
OP is just trying to convince himself its ok to hit on the intern.
Next post by him is gonna be “mild sexual harassment should be ok in workplaces”.
Written as someone who has never been investigated by HR when a relationship goes bad.
If you are smart enough to be able to quickly filter out psychopaths, drama, and unstable people…then it’s fine. Problem is that most people can’t and in the event it doesn’t pan out, you now have problems at work and home dealing with stalkers, aggressive or passive aggressive behavior, or worse. Thats why the general consensus says don’t risk it.
Totally agree. I met my current wife/Mom of my kids at work.
I’m betting you’ve never dated a co-worker.
>no one has to be weird about it if you guys break up
And fortunately, nobody ever is and it’s always totally tension-free.
You’re right, it isn’t a bad idea. It’s a terrible idea.
I disagree. Imagine they end up cheating on you but you have to have a zoom meeting with them the next day. Or you see their slack notification. It’s easy to pretend like you can always have an amicable mature break up but the risk of not having one outweighs the benefit of dating them. There’s way too many fish in the sea.
Even if you don’t have a bad breakup, it’s also good to have a healthy amount of distance from your partner. One of my favorite parts of my day is coming home to my husband and we talk about our day while making dinner. You can’t have that if you’re working with your partner. You’re with them 24/7. That would kill any relationship.
I think its fine if one of you are about to leave or if you work in different departments, but if you’re working closely with one another, I think its better to just wait or find someone else.
Only dated 1 coworker before. It’s fun until it isn’t. They start showing up to your house when they please or at the job when they’re not on shift just to “be around you” or they’ll try flirting with the other coworkers to make you jealous. 3/10 experience do it but don’t stick around if there’s any red flags.
As with most things in theory its always easier said than done. I first want to know where you get your data that many people marry their coworkers because I find that fact very hard to believe.
Second, there’s more to why you shouldn’t date a coworker other than break up. First is level, if youre a supervisor or manager and date someone who isn’t, that already sets a bad precedent. That opens the door for assumption that if your partner gets a raise or promoted it was done mainly because of your intimate affair with them and now you just opened the door for HR to come in and thats putting you up shits creek without a paddle.
Second, even if you two are same level, people aren’t stupid, they notice. Like above, it doesnt take much for one asshole to start a rumor about you two and it spirals and pretty soon you and your partner are the talk of the office for something that may not be true and now you need to get management involved to quell it and they aren’t exactly thrilled to have to take time from their work to halt rumors about where your dipping your wick.
Third, and the most obvious one, most dont simply just break up and be civil, there’s animosity from at least 1 person. Just like when the office notices you are dating, believe me they’re going to notice when you two are no longer dating and that shit spreads like wildfire. There’s always 1 who will change attitude no matter how much you want to say to be civil. If it escalates and management has to get involved, again, theyre not going to be thrilled to have to deal with it and usually one person goes
Sometimes you break up and it’s really not fine at all though. It can definitely make work much harder for you. I personally wouldn’t date anyone I’d have to see everyday that could hold a grudge against me.