I’m 36. Just broke up with a scrub after trying to be patient for 6 months. I come from humble beginnings, so I really don’t like to judge people. Anyone can overcome their circumstances and God works miracles. But yea, didn’t work out for various reasons, mainly poor communication, very controlling, and didn’t respect boundaries.
I’d like to avoid this in the future. I have avoidant attachment style, which may have saved me in this case. Thanks
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Following this to see other suggestions because I’m so attracted to narcissists, oh my god.
But I recently read “Why does he do that, inside the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft and he has great dating advice. I also really enjoy his YouTube video about the difference between narcissists and abusers.
You cannot weed them out before they have tried to get to you. Whatever list of red flags you will write, they will use as a guidelines on how to behave so they can fool you. Best let them expose themselves for a little while.
TBH, I wouldn’t put too much in your profile about this. Master Manipulators can spot this kind of thing and you’re ultimately setting yourself up for being preyed upon.
Commenting to follow as well
My only advice is time. Guys with short term goals tend to be short sighted. Will have a time limit on good behavior
What a narcs? Where I’m from that’s a policeman or detective
I literally have “I will not fuck you on the first date unless you’re George Clooney. And you’re probably not.” Doesn’t weed out all of those things but weeds out those only wanting a quick fuck.
have strong boundaries and cut people if/when they show their shittiness early on. why be ‘patient’ for 6 months? the first months/year of dating should be great overall, not a sad slog to try and ‘make it work’. date the person, not the potential
it’s good to have an open mind with some criteria, but IMO you should be judging people + their compatibility for dating you, no one is entitled to a romantic relationship with you, why keep dating someone who you dont really like hoping for a ‘miracle’? seriously, why? lol
I like the Maya Angelou quote- when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
More single men and women on reddit need to read up on assortative mating and why it is one of the most replicated finding in social sciences.
It probably accounts for 90%+ of all complaints by both sexes.
Try meeting people a different way?
There’s no way to avoid these types through a bio. You will have to filter out the behaviours once you get to know them, and be ready to leave at the first sign of disrespect.
There’s nothing you can put. You have to talk to them and listen carefully and/or be around them to figure them out. Trust your gut and don’t gaslight yourself.