I (48F) left a relationship of 30 years, and fell hard for a former coworker who is about 20 years my senior. I figure, Ive always respected, admired, and adored him, my kids are grown, it is okay to have a relationship that is just fun and not all about responsibility. To make a long story short, we now have more obligations and duties than I’ve had ever.
I continue to love and adore him, and I am 100% sure he loves me too. That said, he gets very uncomfortable around the topic of affection/reassuring/loving words or touch. This is difficult for me because of past trauma and emotional deprivation. I crave these things so much, but it also seems that the harder I press him the more difficult it becomes for him.
Do I have to give up a part of myself to stay in this relationship? Is there anything I can do to make things easier for him or me? Has anyone experienced this and gotten past it? TIA for your insights.
Comments
Most relationships have a “price of admission” and it’s up to you if you want to keep paying it, if you see yourself being okay with it 10, 20 or 30 years down the road.
My 2 cents, I had a similar issue with my last ex. He wasn’t big on any kind of emotional expression, professions of love or deep talks or anything that facilitated real emotional connection. I had that need met through my friendships and was generally okay with it. After our break up, I realized how starved I was for affection and how deeply insecure I felt in that relationship. Sometimes, loving someone is not enough. So I made sure to identify my core relationship needs that are non-negotiable, and when I started dating again I made sure that the person was capable of meeting my needs before things became serious with them. 10/10 would recommend dating for compatibility first, and emotional investment second, not the other way around.