I (F27) am in a relationship which not to brag is everything I have wanted for so long.
Since December 2023, my life has been turned upside down by my boyfriend’s (M32) ex-girlfriend (F29), who has been relentlessly stalking and harassing me. I’ve never had a conversation with this woman, and yet she has made it clear that she is determined to make my life a nightmare.
It all began with small, unsettling acts of vandalism. She started vandalizing things outside my apartment—breaking plant pots and destroying the string lights I had hung up. While these actions were troubling, they were just the beginning.
In February 2024, things took a much darker turn. She broke into my home with a hammer, clearly searching for me. Thankfully, I wasn’t there at the time. I found that she had caused significant damage to my apartment, which I had only just moved into seven months earlier. It had taken me months of hard work to furnish it and make it feel like home, but that day, everything was shattered. She emptied everything in my fridge all over my kitchen, smashes all my chairs and dining tabel, it wasn’t just the loss of belongings that hurt—it was the loss of my sense of safety. The emotional toll has been even more profound than the physical damage.
The experience has left me with severe PTSD. I now struggle with nightmares, heightened anxiety, and an overwhelming fear that never seems to leave me. I went from being a happy, bubbly person to someone who fights to make it through each day. Litierlly feels at times that my life is the begginign of a netflix special, sad to say. Therapy and medication have helped me reclaim parts of myself, but the constant harassment keeps dragging me back into a state of panic and unease.
Even though I have an order of protection in place, she has found ways to torment me. She contacts me using her family’s phone numbers and fake numbers. Since I cant prove its her texing me these awful things nothing can be done. Her family has also reached out multiple times calling me names and explainig how I am the one menatlly unwell adn should move on. Even after I provided them with tons of incidents on my ring camera that clearly show their daughter/sister being the one who isnt moving on.
The situation is complicated further by her personal struggles—she’s battling bipolar disorder and heavy alcoholism, and she is currently facing charges for a second DUI. Despite all of this, she continues to target me, showing no signs of stopping.
This ongoing torment has taken a heavy toll on my mental and emotional well-being. I had been working so hard to find happiness and peace in my life, but her obsession with me has turned that dream into a living nightmare.
She constantly drives around our street, I often see her creep drive around while I walk our dogs.
The police cant help and court just keeps giving her community service after her oreder of protection was broken a couple of times.
I refuse to walk away from this relationship, but am at a state where I dont know what to do about this stalker.
Our landlord is contantly seeking a new place for us to move into- since advice is always for us to just move, we are hoping something will pop up soon.
Comments
INFO: has your partner had any contact with her about what she’s doing to torment you? The fact that she’s gotten her family to harass you shows they’re just as bonkers as she is. Have you recorded her stalking you while you’re out? Do you have cameras installed both inside and outside? If you’re able to get footage of her in action, that might be something the police can use to at least detain her if not outright arrest her
OP,
Purchase a firearm. Become licensed and professionally trained. Install cameras inside and outside your premises. You can run, but you can’t hide.
Obviously, your stalker is unhinged and a mere paper(court order) is not going to dissuade her. Hire legal counsel in an effort to assist you and become more assertive with the legal system; advocating for her incarceration and mental health assessment. This woman is a danger to you(and perhaps your bf?).
Start looking outside your landlord, too. His main interest is money, your main interest is your safety, and you can work faster than his self-interest. Look for anything you can get that’s within budget, and if you can get month to month rent, or a short lease, even better.
Move there in stages so your big moving day won’t alert her if she drives by and decides to follow the van.
What is your partner doing to alleviate any of this? Is he supporting you emotionally and practically? He’s not his ex’s keeper, but it’s his presence in your life that dragged her into it and is ruining it. He needs to step up and find better ways to support you and get her out of the picture.
Ever considered hiring a PI?
Can you get a protective order and a ring cam? Or cameras inside your home too?
Would it be a good idea to change your number so nobody will have it. Only give it to your family, trusted friends and employer so she and her family cannot contact you via the phone. Block her and her whole family on every social media. Lock down your accounts to be sololy private and only people you know on your lists.
Get more cameras to cover all areas. She might be coming from the side via the neighbours so the motion sensor isn’t triggered. You can also change the sensor settings to be more sensitive. I would get a more resolution 4k camera that can zoom in.
Install more secure locks for peace of mind in the home. Carry pepper spray with you at all times. Attend self defense classes, it’ll help you get confidence known you can always fight off someone who comes at you. Be aware and don’t take the same route home. If you can move, do so, even if you have to change landlords until the landlord can provide the home you want to move into. Don’t tell anyone where you moved to also. Keep it to yourself.
I know how it feels. I was stalked by a woman. Received crazy calls and random thing happening. I had to move, change the car, change my cell number and block everyone on socials. My stalker found another victim and I in the end got peace. That was 15 years ago and I am free. Remember, this wouldn’t always be this way. Your boyfriend is obviously full of guilt but it is not his fault. It is not your fault. This person is unhinged and her family is enabling her actions. They are at fault. And even if you broke up with him, that doesn’t mean her stalking will end there at all. So if your relationship is strong, solid and truly amazing, don’t give that up. Build on it and become stronger together.
I hope you get to move soon and have peace.