I am 37 and I now live in Europe (Ireland). I used to live in America, earlier and have dealt with my fair share of racism. I am a dark skinned South Asian woman. I volunteer for local charities, participate and promote local arts and theatre and do my best to be a productive part of the community.
But this week has really broken my spirit. Since the White House invited Connor McGregor, he has found a new wind of good press and acceptance. And he has emboldened the worst racists (them minority as they might be). The last time Trump was in power, I faced a lot of racism. Overt. My mom was yelled at and followed as she was on a walk. The man called her the worst things in the world and she kept apologising and crying. She didn’t even live in America. She was visiting. My sister and were chased around a grocery store, with this deranged man telling us that we have to go back where we came from. My sister is American. Her kids are American born citizens. Where could we go?
My husband got a job in Ireland and we changed countries because I knew if trump because president again, things would get impossibly difficult for us. We moved a year and a half ago. Ireland is a lovely country (I think America is wonderful too). I am grateful to be here. I am grateful for the Irish. But I am struggling to get over the latest bout of racism I faced. A sweet, older gentleman who is part of the theatre I volunteer at…came and whispered to me in my ear – don’t you think you should go home?
I thought he was concerned for my safety, so I went – I will be fine..i have a ride. Thank you so much.
He bends lower (I am short and small) and whispers – no, morally. Haven’t you taken enough from us? Why can’t you leave and go back home?
And then he walked away. Not only did the incident shake me but I can’t stop crying. I had just spent the whole evening validating tickets, and also cleaned up the theatre space after the play was over. I also helped take down them props and took out the garbage. And still nothing is good enough.
I have decided to not bring it up the theatre folks at large. I am the only brown person there and I am so tired. This happened 2 days ago. I am still struggling. I feel icky. I am mad at them world. At Trump. At Connor McGregor.
I just want to know how the wonderful women in this community climb out of their slump, when they feel knocked down by racism.
Comments
What he did was awful and really, really creepy.
Since it’s not your job to be the tour guide to your own victimisation, is there anyone you trust to bring this up to the theatre group on your behalf so they can deal with this unwanted behaviour officially?
It’s easy to say but I brush it off. Once I understood how ignorant, xenophobic and misogynistic they are, I feel pity at the world they’re missing out. I’m also SE Asian and maybe because I’ve only lived in liberal/blue cities but I’ve never experienced racism to the degree you have where people come up to me and are directly racist. I’ve experienced tons of micro-aggressions though.
I know this sounds kinda insane but random racists like this hate you because you have something they don’t. South asia is a poor region but so many of us come to the west and dominate high income jobs. So many whites are bitter because they got life on the easy mode and their lives still suck.
Also hasn’t the UK took enough from us.
I’m sorry you experienced this. Unfortunately due to the current political climate, racists are so much more emboldened. I’m generally a pretty friendly person but overtime I’ve found myself being a lot more stone faced and colder just to send to the message to not try anything with me, especially in areas where I’m the only black woman/person.
Such is life. Sending you and your mother much healing and love ❤️
I’m not a woman of color, American or Irish, but I just wanted to send you some love after reading about your harrowing experience. This is horrifying and completely unacceptable behaviour, and I’m so sorry you had to experience that <3
I hoped you would say you told the management and that they took your experience seriously. For your safety, wouldn’t it be better if your co-workers knew, and maybe the management could ban this man from entering the cinema?
I’m also South Asian and have mostly experienced tons of microaggressions. I’m so sorry for the experiences you and your family have endured. As for the theatre situation, can you bring it up to the head? If their response is noncommittal, at least you know that’s not an organization you want to support.
This is not only sad OP but creepy. Why is he whispering anything to you??
Don’t be quiet. You can’t, racists need to be shamed loudly and publicly at the moment it happens.
Do you volunteer with this person? If so, I would speak to leadership. Ask them what are they doing to ensure all members feel welcomed and not harassed. Not only because of their gender but also race. Also tell them you do not want to work with this man.
I’ll be honest. You kinda have to say something. If you don’t, they’ll pair you two up at some point to work together. You need to give leadership the opportunity to do the right thing and show they care about the safety of all volunteers. If you don’t, this will hang over you. Your time there will be tainted.
I would also seek out therapy with a professional of your ethnic background.
There’s the usual racist dialogue and words which are horrendous and then there’s the situation that you just described which is also horrendous but seems so much worse in its rawness and nastiness. He singled you out in an indisputably callous and abusive way by bending over you to drive home his intention to be racist to you and make you feel like you don’t belong when you initially misunderstood the sentiment. Sorry this happened to you, it’s appalling behaviour. Of course you feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. I don’t know how you would begin to process this. Know that you don’t owe anyone in your new chosen home any volunteer work and should not feel like you owe the community anything, racists or not. While I’m a white Irish woman, I’ve lived outside of Ireland and have experienced racism in the workplace. It was a very tough time and I’m not sure I ever got out of the slump. The best you can do is try to focus on the good behaviour you encounter daily and know that hate is hate no matter what you do. I know that you’ve decided to say nothing to the theatre group but if there’s someone there that you trust, you may find some healing in telling them about what you experienced
I try to ignore it. I dealt with it far more from other white women upset I married a successful white guy. You would not believe their comments to HIM, let alone their attitude towards me when I came around. So ridiculous.
It’s very insidious, and I’m not even entirely Chinese. I’m 30%, and the rest is European, but I look ethnic. Sometimes I feel like being racist back, like, there’s a reason your men prefer Asian women. We are more agreeable, keep a cleaner house, love to cook, understand karma sutra, or now you know why I’m more intelligent than you and why I don’t age. But I don’t. I smile, stay polite, and keep my thoughts private. But I do get angry inside at times over it.
People hold all kinds of horrible ignorant thoughts. I would just ignore them and understand you are so above that. Don’t let them ruin your day
I’m so sorry. I do think you should point this mam out to people, organisers of the theatre etc.
I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say how mortified by that man’s behaviour.
i’m sorry you experienced that OP, it sounds terrible. I’m also South Asian, and I live in Europe. I haven’t experienced the kind of direct unambiguous racism you’re describing, and it’s still relatively tolerant where I live. But I’ve had other bizarre experiences that make me question overlaps between racism and misogyny.
I am often catcalled in my city, which I’ve heard from others is not common for this area. I wonder what about me makes them think it’s okay to do this? In some ways I’m obviously South Asian (accent) and in others I don’t look like a stereotypical South Asian woman. For instance, I have lots of visible tattoos. I wonder if that leads people to assume something about me? Whatever it may be, it leaves me feeling grossed out and fetishized.
I am a single woman in my 30s, which is perhaps also unusual for South Asian women. I frequently travel alone, and have been called out for extra checks at airport security and once during immigration. I’m not sure why I become a target in these spaces, but perhaps there are some assumptions regarding trafficking, or sex work, or something along those lines?
The least ambiguous experience of racism I had once was when I was hanging out with my (white) ex’s friends and acquaintances, and one of them (a woman) started joking about “shitting outdoors” and how China still has those “weird” squatting toilets. (Well, so does India, and she knew I am from there). It took me many weeks to even question that this episode may have been racist, but it was so ignorant and idiotic (as u/eat_sleep_microbe said) that I didn’t feel hurt, per se. Just thought it was cringey.
Well the old man has his opinions and they are becoming more common in Europe and I hear these views more and more amping my friends