RANT. AGHHHH. I don’t know where else to place this but also has this happened to you or like… what’s the fucking thought behind this?!?
To leave much without, my problem is this…
I literally am the only one cleaning the house, otherwise it gets to shit. Dishes? Me. Laundry? ME. Cleaning the bathrooms MEEEEE. EVERYTHING cleaning is always ME.
I had problems in the past with my boyfriend about cleaning etc., but this is literally on repeat x47471874. We had a “fight” about this but came to the conclusion to talk about our problems each week before stuff blows up.
Anyway, here I am YET AGAIN cleaning my ass off when I have the time… and he complains of the smell?! Yeah dude I’m using fucking bleach, thanks for checking in on me.
He says the smell is too much and he is gonna sleep upstairs bc I am inconsiderate. Has the words to say I’m upsetting him.
I am here on my fucking knees sweating, with gloves and a mask on deep cleaning our bathroom and inhaling deep fumes whilst he games upstairs with his friends and relaxes. (And YELLINGGG!!!)
Yeah there’s much more to it I guess but like FUCKKKKK I’m trying hard and he is UPSET with me CLEANING?!?!
For fucks sake :/
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ALSO WHY IS THERE SO MUCH FUCKING PUBES
Cleaning is one of the partner filters for me. If they can’t deal with simple cleaning it would be constant fighting/resentment and I don’t have time for that.
Someone really wise once told me it isn’t a boundary if you aren’t enforcing it. Then it’s just a suggestion. You’ve communicated your needs, and he’s communicated that he doesn’t care about them. Even worse, he’s upset with you for meeting your needs. What does he bring to the table that this is worth it? Because he’d told he won’t change, and marriage/babies/buying a house together/getting a promotion won’t change it.
Cleaning matters to you. Let him go live in filth somewhere else.
At this point if you want to stay with this guy you should live apart together (this is actually a thing some couples do). Otherwise this is going to cause so much entitlement from him and resentment from you down the line.
Edit: grammar
Have you tried a chore chart since he acts like he is your teenage son anyway
Once my ex was gone and in his own place, he suddenly found the ability and motivation to clean, at least his kitchen and living room. His bedroom was still a filthy sty. Amazing how they can clean or hire someone, when leaving it for someone else is no longer an option.
Idk, I’d say reconsider the relationship.
Gross dudes are just the worst. They know they’re gross and they know it bothers everyone else and they don’t care. Just selfish and disgusting. Horrible qualities for a partner.
And no one wants to be a nagging girlfriend.
To have to whine constantly to get a guy to help and having to be annoying and also knowing you can’t stop. It sucks.
Don’t become something you don’t like.
Unless you like nagging and struggling and cleaning for him. Then carry on I suppose.
But life is hard enough without such a stupid struggle. Like seriously, there will be a million other things to prioritize in your life and then what? You won’t be able to deal with them cause you’re still cleaning pubes? Like girl, come on.
Cleaning is hard enough without another person who just doesn’t take care of their share. Even kids eventually learn.
What are you gonna do about it, OP?
Close your eyes and imagine doing this FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. he ain’t changing. I’m sitting here with the flu and my husband has been cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids AND me for five days. Good partners are out there—find one!
This is going to be a controversial take, but here’s what I do: my husband is not the messiest guy I’ve been with, but he’s not the cleanest. I don’t think he’s ever cleaned the bathroom, he’s vacuumed 3 times since we’ve been together (10 years) and the bedsheets, towels, all that. I clean.
I’ve lowered my expectations and only clean when very necessary. Our house is messy. It’s not gross, because I still clean floors, bathrooms, I do dishes every day etc. but I don’t do it often. I hardly vacuum. If people come over I clean a bit but I just don’t have people over.
He sometimes complains, but I shut him right down when I tell him he can clean whenever he wants.
It works in its weird gross way. We don’t fight about cleaning. I just gave up.
That being said, in all other ways he is a wonderful husband and I love him. If he had other terrible traits, we wouldn’t be together, and it all comes down to what you want and what you want to put up with.
We also have no children and never will.
I’d be cleaning his ass out of my life.
He’s already told you he isn’t going to change.
Sounds like time to kick him to the curb. Doesn’t care, doesn’t listen, inconsiderate, expects you to do all the work (but only when it doesn’t inconvenience him). You’re being used by someone who doesn’t care about your needs.
An actual partner listens and problem solves and collaborates on solutions and follows through. You don’t have a partner. You have an irritable parasite.
People have different tolerances for cleanliness. Some people are obsessed with the idea that everything has to be clean basically all the time when not in use, and others will just straight up not see messes up to a certain level. You can’t really have a relationship that works with no resentment if both people aren’t at least on similar pages about cleanliness or the cleaner person will go insane and eventually beat the dirtier one to death with a used toilet brush.
Single women are on average happier than married women, just saying. I cannot imagine how much energy you are pouring into cleaning up his messes day in and day out, not to mention the energy wasted in frustration fighting over what should be a straightforward issue. Why are his needs mkre important than yours? Do you want to spend your life in a relationship that is not equitable? How much is this relationship nourishing you compared to.how much it is draining you? Cuz this sounds draining as fuck. After living single for a few years, honestly I could never tolerate what you’re describing. Harsh maybe, but honest.
If I was generous, I’d say consider your ages and maturity level. Most guys mature quite late, in so small part due to society babying them. I was brought up to be considerate, but I also don’t care for cleaning except when I started living by myself, and I cleaned rarely, but thoroughly. Add a splash of depression, and I end up cleaning little, but also made very little mess. But I totally neglected, for MANY years, “clean” messes. As in none toxic, not gross, but things just put everywhere what the hey. I’m still working on it but I’m much better now.
But this:
>He says the smell is too much and he is gonna sleep upstairs bc I am inconsiderate. Has the words to say I’m upsetting him.
is un-fucking acceptable if he was RIGHT, never mind how it is. Letting you clean yourself more than once while being around and not helping when there’s no other obligations on his time is bullshit. One has to actively chose to ignore you and your labor and your needs at that point (again, barring baby male brain).
And I see you have tried for better communication. I don’t know how that goes, but these are pretty bad behaviors on his part from your telling. I’d say, next time you talk, which should be very soon, but not while either is angry, make it clear, like, in your face clear, that he is neglecting you and your needs. That “love” is not just talk, it’s actions, it’s compromises, and being mindful of the other. Talk like your are trying to educate a child, but like, nicer because of frail egos. If that doesn’t jive, you know what reddit is especially good at recommending. Don’t make it an ultimatum. Just make it a fact. If you can’t make this better between you, what other important things will be incredibly difficult or impossible?
My husband cleans more than i do since he is better at day to day messes and I’m better at deep cleaning. OP this isn’t normal