I’ve been overthinking since my teenage years and I am exhausted. I don’t want it anymore but I don’t know how to turn it off. I very rarely can enjoy one day without worrying, getting upset, crying, freaking out or losing sleep over some minor problem – that sometimes it’s not even my problem and/or I have little to no control over.
I have a pretty good life overall – a decent husband, a healthy baby, we got money, a great career, I am healthy and fit, I have several strong friendships. I don’t have any real problems that would justify the mental distress I experience on a daily basis.
What has helped you break the pattern of constant overthinking?
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Mindfulness. Some people achieve it through therapy, meditation or yoga or other wellness practices. It can also be achieved through willpower and refocusing the intrusive thoughts instead of feeding them and letting them grow bigger. Reading is an excellent and easy way to interrupt overthinking.
And generally just getting some perspective: if everything is objectively fine, why are you worrying? If everything isn’t fine but you can’t control it, what is ruminating helping? If everything isn’t fine and you can control it, then do that instead of just thinking about it and acting/feeling powerless.
So many of us have been there, so you’re not alone. It’s rough, I know. There’s already some great suggestions here, but recently for me going to therapy pretty consistently has helped. And I do have a few ‘real problems’ (parent recently diagnosed with an aggressive and rare form of dementia) but I sometimes find myself overthinking and ruminating on stuff that isn’t even about that. Anxiety can be so sneaky with how it makes us focus on such seemingly insignificant things.
But yeah, check yourself into weekly therapy. It’s like brushing your teeth – not necessarily a fun or exciting task to do, but it has to be done for your physical hygiene. Therapy is for your mental hygiene.
This is going to be so cheesy, but therapy has helped me.
Working with a therapist has helped me identify my anxieites and overthinking. and given me tools to deal with it.
Going to therapy. My ruminations run wild when I’m under a lot of stress and I get stuck in thought patterns. In therapy I learned some CBT techniques to help stop the anxious thoughts. For example – “so what?” You think of a scenario, the worst that could happen. But so what if it does? I think the answer to that depends on how much you trust yourself to make it through whatever bad scenario you’ve thought up.
Sleep is huge for me, so I exercise and do everything I can to get good sleep. I cope so much better with life if I’m rested. I also noticed a big drop in anxiety when I cut back on caffeine. Alcohol is another big no-no for me since it disrupts sleep. Then other stressors, like work, I decided weren’t worth losing sleep over. If I wake up in the night and my brain starts to wander to work or something stressful, I think about something boring. My therapist gave a technique called “put it in the box” where you imagine every detail of a box you’re going to put your worries in.
For me my overthinking has to do with some fear of things going wrong. I kinda accept that things going wrong in life is ok. If my partner leaves me, it’s ok. If I am unhappy throughout some period of my life, it’s ok. If a loved one dies, it’s ok.
Not ok as in “I won’t care” but as in “it’s part of life, life is not perfect, I can survive it”.
Only thing I can’t apply it is to health, but I think overthinking in this case is more justified.
There is this book called Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Stephen Hayes who founded Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and pretty sure that book changed my life.
It is a long process but reading that helped, going to meditation, getting into CrossFit which meant getting into my body also helped.
It definitely can change.
Therapy. My therapist helped me catch myself ruminating (when you find yourself just anxiously spinning in thought) and do something more productive with it.
She suggested lots of ways to do that.
You can do something like set an allotted time for it. Like set a timer for 10 minutes of worrying and then you’re done. I didn’t find that super helpful.
What I did find helpful was a few different things. A big skill for me was learning to push back on my own thoughts. I tend to worry about all the worst scenarios. One time she asked me “how often has the worst scenario thing actually happened?” And of course, none of my worst worries ever came true. So this made me feel emboldened to view the anxious thoughts as silly things that I could brush aside.
Some other things to tell yourself are “is the sky falling?” The answer is always no 🙂 or “is this going to matter to me a year from now?” Probably not! “Do I have any control over this?” Many times the answer is no, but sometimes maybe there are things you can do to set yourself up for success.
So, if I’m anxious or worried about something, maybe there’s an action that I can take to help me feel like I’m decreasing the likelihood of a bad outcome, or to at least make me feel more prepared.
If I’m nervous about a meeting later this week, maybe I go ahead and pick out my outfit for that day and make sure everything is clean and not wrinkly. Maybe I prepare speaking points or practice what I need to say to a friend or my husband to make sure I’m being clear and my point comes across well. Maybe I review the presentation and realize there’s too many extra details that are gonna make people’s eyes glaze over and tune out.
Or maybe there’s nothing I can do because the thing I’m worried about is out of control. In that case, I either do something productive to distract myself, or maybe take a quiet meditative walk where the goal is to have an empty mind the whole time, but if thoughts arise I just let them pass as I continue walking. Or some people might cope with more vigorous exercise.
However you cope, just know it gets easier with time! I’ve learned to think of my anxiety as a separate silly voice in my head. Those are not my thoughts, I don’t have to believe them or accept them. I can reject them and move on to something else.
Side note: alcohol is not a helpful way to cope and will only make you more anxious. Tried that for a long time and finally learned that lesson!
Yoga, especially savasana. Slowing down your thoughts, observing them, and just letting them pass by without spiraling takes practice!!
I don’t think I’ve gotten *rid* of my overthinking, but I am far less of an overthinker than I once was. As others said, mindfulness and meditation help. So does finding an external focus. Anxiety is a form of self-obsession. Finding a way to focus more on connecting to other people and the world is a great balm for that.
For me, that was a combo of therapy (EMDR helped most), therapeutic ketamine, dance, mindfulness, a psilocybin journey, and anxiety medication.
IFS with a therapist. There’s a reason those “parts” exist and getting to know them helps a lot.
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Yes meditation/mindfulness practice did wonders for me.