When I was 15, I met a guy in a youth group. He was 21 going on 22. We started off as friends, then it turned to messaging, and eventually he told me he liked me. That’s when we weren’t just friends, we were flirting. He said I was really mature, so I didn’t think it was weird that someone his age wanted me. He also told me he was shy and wanted me to ask him out. I eventually did.
Our relationship was a secret because neither of us are allowed to date (religious reasons). He did ask for sexual stuff, like nudes and, well, sex. He would be so kind, tell I’m beautiful or smart, compliment my body, and talk about our future together.
When I was 16 and 23, we officially broke up. The relationship seemed normal, but I’m worried it may have been wrong because of the ages.
Comments
It is wrong! Tell your parents what happened!
100% 15 is wayyy too young to be dating an adult even if he says you’re “mature”. Not to mention incredibly illegal in most countries. You need to tell your parents and the authorities, particularly since he likely still has your nudes which are obviously classified as child pornography
If you have to ask the answer is almost always “Yes”
yes, sorry
This is very wrong of him. Definitely tell someone and don’t see him anymore. It is always wrong when an adult is interested in a child
Omg yeah 100% grooming. A 22 year old wanting to sleep with a 15 year old is sooooo creepy.
It was illegal for him.
Yes. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Not one single well adjusted 21/22 year old would be thinking anything about a 15 year old. Thats somebody in college and you don’t even have a drivers license. It was completely wrong for him and you were absolutely groomed and preyed upon.
Definitely a predator you were only 15.
From how you described this relationship developing, yes. This is most definitely grooming.
15 is underage and illegal where I’m from. It’s only one year off 16 which is legal- but if that’s the case where you’re from he should have backed off. I’ve known of people to be close friends who turned into lovers around 16 or 17 with similar age gaps that grew to have long long term relationships. My parents for one. Mum was very mature for her age. It happens. If you feel taken advantage of then maybe you were. Maybe talk to a therapist to unpack things properly. They could probably better tell whether his actions were manipulative or not.
“Underage “youth group”
Yes
Gonna leave this one alone.
Would you date a 10 year old? this is practically the same thing development wise between the 15yo and 21 year old. Yes you were groomed
He’s a pedophile.
If anyone ever says “you’re so mature for your age” then they intend to groom you but making it seem as though the age gap isn’t a big deal cause of your perceived “maturity”.
Yes. “Mature for your age” is the biggest reddest flag imaginable.
“Youre mature for your age” = instant grooming. If he could get women his age henwouldn’t be looking for “mature” 15 yr olds.
That’s how these losers do it. Textbook.
As someone said. But I’ll change it. If anything sexual happens between a person anywhere below 18 with an adult. The answer will always be yes
Yes, he did and you need to expose him what he did was illegal. This man is a pedophile. This man is a child molester and he should not get away with it. You need to expose him. And I am going to bet you are not his only victim. In this way, he needs to be exposed so we won’t do it to somebody else. I repeat this man as a pedophile and a predator
As a 21 year old guy, I find it gross to think about dating anyone NEAR that young. My partner is 20, and that’s an exception for me, generally I only date people older than me just because of maturity levels. He should have known that’s wrong, and unless he’s stupid, he did know that it was wrong.
I would think about how you felt about it rather than think of if it’s grooming or not though, maybe a therapist could help. As someone who was groomed as a ten year old (although it was only through the internet) therapy has helped me realize and work through the impacts it has had on me. Wishing you the best
Sweetheart, I’m sorry but you were groomed. If he is still working with the youth group, take with a trusted adult.
There is a reason for statuary rape. Please talk with an adult, possibly at school that is not affiliated with your church.
Yes
Oh yeah, that’s grooming. Had a guy do that with me at 16/17 and he was 24/25. He asked for nudes, and always played up compliments. I figured it out in 6 months, and blocked him cause I wasn’t willing to do that kind of stuff (he was a international guy, so I easily cut him off).
Definitely, a child and someone in their early 20s is grooming
At first I wasn’t sure, but the comments make it obvious this is fake. The most boring people on Reddit are the liars. 🥱
You 15, he 21? Yup, you were groomed
Ask yourself once you turn 22 will you date a 15 year old. You will look as them as little boys. Then you’ll understand it was not right.
When he says “you’re mature for your age” you’re being groomed.
Story time with snake, I knew a guy once, made passes at my girlfriend of the time, was the youth pastor(23-24).
She got defensive when I said something seemed strange. I’ve always had this 6th sense, it is really a curse tbh.
Anywhooo, when I brought up his rather strange affection towards the young ladies (13-17), I was screamed at (by the ex). Flash forward a few years, her and I broke up, found some rather spicy conversations on her phone discussing if her and I were active and if she had ever done oral. (She told me to text her friend we were almost to the party.) I decided to inform her mother. A few weeks later after her mother found out, he (YP) was just…gone.
I’ve got another story about a music teacher and another EX but that’s a story for another night. Go tell your parents immediately, and hope for the best on your end.
NAL but taking/sending those nudes can get you in trouble too for CP. However, if coercion/grooming are involved, depending on state, how it’s handled.
stopped at ”youth group”, yes.
Wow
Why is it when someone says “you are so mature for your age” that isn’t a huge sign that at best they are extremely immature for their age or worse lieing to you or themselves possibly both.
In the USA (and many other countries), it is incredibly illegal to send or request nudes from a minor. If you have evidence of him asking for nudes or sending you nudes, you can go to the police and report him as a sex offender. As laws and consequences vary by state, you should check with a lawyer first to see how you will be affected by the law.
Yes, he groomed you. Telling a teenage girl she is very mature is in the grooming playbook. He then convinced you to ask him out so that he could say it was what you wanted because you asked him. He probably really twisted you up, and he sounds very manipulative.
He doesn’t deserve to get away with it. But you have to do what is right for you. There are always consequences to the women who report men for this, and you aren’t required to put yourself through that. If your parents are supportive, I would tell them. It’s certainly embarrassing to talk to your parents about, but they can help you (if they are supportive).