I (25M) had a BBQ with 7 of my guy friends from softball. One of my friends invited his other friend “Zach” (Who i’ve only met once) and he brought his (27F) fiancé.
My girlfriend is out of town visiting family, and I told her who I invited to this BBQ and she welcomed it as it was perfect timing that she would be out of town while I was hanging out with the boys.
Without asking me anything about the BBQ and essentially ghosting me for the night, she checked our home security cameras and saw that a lady was there alongside our 8 guy friend group.
Now she’s upset with me that I didn’t tell her there was a lady there (although I texted and called her before hand to tell her i’d be busy, but she can always reach me) and I didn’t know that would be important to her. AITAH?
Comments
It’s a friend of a friends fiancé. I don’t think you did anything wrong.
NTA. She needs to knock off the drama.
NTA, not sure why your girlfriend is getting insecure about a friend’s fiancé being present.
NTA. To be spying on your hangout and then get angry because someone else has their girlfriend there sounds highly controlling, with an unhealthy level of jealousy.
NTA. You didn’t invite her, you didn’t know she was coming, and it wasn’t some secret. You were upfront about the BBQ. She’s making assumptions instead of talking to you
I need an update on this
Is she upset that someone she doesn’t know is there that she didn’t know would be there or that a GIRL is around you without her supervision? I don’t think you did anything wrong.
your gf assumes this girl was a hooker who spent the evening on her knees servicing everyone,
You told your girlfriend you’d be busy with friends; it’s unreasonable for her to monitor cameras and then be upset about an unannounced guest at your home
lol NTA… but why dis this dude bring his fiance
NTA. You had no clue that this other person was even going to be there. You told your gf that you weren’t going to be fixated on or tethered to your phone. She can get over her insecurities about the fact that another woman was over.
She’s insecure and needs to chill. Look for other signs. You could be getting into a miserable existence.
It’s not your fault obviously, just explain to her what happened and ask her in the future how she would like you to communicate with her better. Or better yet with each other in case it ever happens at her party with a dude there!
NTA
NTA
NTA.
Sounds like your girlfriend is very insecure and/or doesn’t trust you.
Your girlfriend is unhinged bro. Thats not normal behavior
Does she think the girl ran the dome train? Lol
NTA. You didn’t even know she was coming, so your girl doesn’t have a leg to stand on here. She needs to save her rage for something that’s actually a problem.
NTA- your gf sounds immature and unhinged. She must fall apart imagining all the women you may cross paths with, especially if she hasn’t interviewed and approved them. I’d reconsider this relationship.
NTA. The friend who brought his fiancée to all guy hangout is though.
I’d be a lil concerned what she’s doing on that lil “family trip” if she’s spying and tweaking tf out on you like that.
Nine times outta ten, a partner getting crazy and paranoid, accusing you of cheating is up to some shit themselves. You can ask p much anyone here.
Run. Been in a relationship like this before. It will get worse.
If the fact she was your buddy’s fiancee and there with her fiance isn’t good enough– never mind. I wouldn’t even debate that level of craziness, honestly. “Your choice is to shut up and never mention this foolishness again, or get the hell out of my life. I’m not putting up with this paranoid bullshit from a partner, so decide.” NTA
Big red flag. She has trust issues
I have zero interest in being in a relationship with someone who trusts me so little that I’m not allowed to interact with someone of the opposite sex with their partner in attendance. She’s going to have you in a burka next.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. I think what’s alarming is that she was spying on you. You should ask her why she’s upset, or if this is coming from how she’s feeling inside. Because without proof, assuming something shady feels like projection.
Does she think the gf was a stripper or sex worker?
NTA you didn’t know that one guy was bringing his fiance. I would tell your girlfriend one of the guys bought a plus one last minute
No. She’s acting like you had a stripper there. #eyeroll
NTA – your girlfriend has some insecurity issues and/or trust issues. If you love her, communicate more with her, but, the communication needs to be coming from her end too. why is the extra person there a big deal? because it’s a girl? Would she have felt the same way if it was an extra guy? Was she ever cheated on in the past? She needs reassurance, not you questioning her reaction. We’re all a little damaged.
Man, ur NTA here. GF gotta chill out. U didn’t invite the lady, didn’t even know she’d show. Communication is key, but she’s gotta remember that trust should be there too. No trust, no relationship. Period. She needs to get her insecurities in check, bro.
YTA You didn’t do anything wrong, technically. If you didn’t honour her sensitivity, even though exaggerated, then you are the ass. You sound defensive in the face of her upset; take care of her and stop making it about you.
NTA
Your girlfriend is out of town visiting family and she’s checking the security cameras to spy on you and your friends? She clearly has trust issues or is just a snoop and doesn’t have anything else to do with her time, you’d think she’d be out with family having a great time.
Without asking me anything about the BBQ and essentially ghosting me for the night, she checked our home security cameras
Dude, this isn’t the first time she spied on you. I bet every time she’s away she’s checking to make sure you’re doing what she approves of. In her mind, you finally got “caught” and this is why you’re hearing about it.
Prediction:
You “having a girl over when she was out of town” will now ALWAYS come up in future arguments.
This now justifies her not trusting you even further.
If you can’t openly address this and plan to stay with her, then measure yourself for a dog collar now.
NTA, and a couple of smaller things strike me as odd in what you wrote. Aside from the obvious weirdness that she ghosted you then felt the right to basically spy on you and your house guests without consent… but just the little thing of “welcomed it because she’d be out of town while I get guy time” does she not like hanging out with your friends? Does she ghost you often? Regardless this all reeks of a deep insecurity if not a deflection from her own shadiness. She needs to do some work on that if you’re to move forward. Is this the first time she has gotten cagey about you and other women? Do you have lady friends? Or did you do something to give her something to be suspicious of you about in the past?
It feels like a massive red flag to me that she’s monitoring your actions.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable of you to not turn away a friend of a friend, I think they should have asked you before inviting friends along but that’s an issue for another day.
Did she expect you to call and ask permission for a friend’s fiancée to enter the house? Are you allowed to accept parcels from female delivery drivers?
NTA
I would be feeling sorry for the woman that got dragged along to the guys’ night. All of this is weird.
I do not understand this whole thing some people have about their partners never being around people of the opposite sex. It’s not like this woman was someone there for you – she was a friend’s friend’s fiancee.
Also, she spied. That’s weird.
Run !!
She sounds high maintenance. Get out before you can’t
Definitely nta if she cannot trust you enough that your buddy brought his fiancé and now she is freaking out, you should probably run and as fast as you can.
By this point, you know your girlfriend, and I’d be willing to bet you knew she would be upset.
NTA She sounds possessive and insecure. Red flag.
Rookie’s mistake is to leave the cameras on when you hire a stripper, I mean, when your friend brings the “fiance”.
I’m kidding. I don’t have cameras in my house. We did for the driveway after cars got broken into. Before the batteries ran out, we spent a majority of our time harassing the kids and asking why it took each other so long to get out of the vehicles.
Now I’m the weirdo teaching my cats how to walk on a leash.
How often does she go through your phone? Bet your phone would blow up if you received a notified every time she checks your location? How many other controlling behaviors have you overlooked because she justifies their initial use as “for safety”?
Red Flag Alert!!!! Jealousy, unnecessary drama, and controlling through accusation.
Did you fuck your friend’s friend’s girlfriend? If not, I don’t see her problem?
Oh wow. She cheating!
See that red flag there off in the distance? It’s getting closer
Nope, this girl has major trust issues. To check the security camera with out talking to you is very childish. Run from this one…
NTA. The minute a partner starts spying on you the relationship is dead.
NTA. You literally notified her, or tried to, about all individuals that would be involved.
Now she wants to get upset for SPYING on you? This girl is overreacting.
She has insecurity issues. NTA
A friend of a friend’s fiancée tagged along whom you didn’t know. Other than that it was all dudes. So 8 dudes and one woman whom is engaged to one of the guys. At that point I would want to know what she thinks could possibly be going on with 8 men and one of their fiancée’s. There may be things about your girlfriend’s time in college she isn’t telling you about.
You know she’s out of town yet she some how ghosted you. After that the rest is nonsense.
She is a lunatic
OP NTA. This is so not even a thing.
If girlfriend was so busy watching y’all on the cameras then she knows that nothing happened. So what the fuck?
Do you really want to spend your life with this drama llama? She sounds extremely insecure and a little bit unhinged. I bet she’s been obsessively checking the cameras for quite some time.
Does she regularly check in on you when she’s not home via the camera?
No. Your fiance is hella insecure. Proceed carefully.
NTA but there is an old joke that goes “If a guy is in a forest and there’s no one around is he still wrong?” Or something
I highly doubt she was still upset when you told her it was a friend’s girlfriend. It’s not unreasonable for her to have been upset if she thought you had invited a woman but made it sound like it would be just guys.
Tell her to watch the whole video of the bbq to find out what you really did while you sit there and watch go through hours of nothing.