I am 29 (F) and have been contemplating a lot of things as I approach 30. As of the present I am healthy, fit, have pets, hobbies, and a high-paying career that allows me to travel/vacation often. Realistically looking at financial independence in my 40s. However, a relationship or even casual sex has always been something that has eluded me.
I have always been very independent and can tolerate my own company, but sometimes I wonder if I missed out on something very important by not experiencing sex in what are considered to be the prime years of life. I don’t know if it will be a source of regret later on. I will mention that I am childfree/have zero interest in kids, so that is not a factor here in terms of how I feel.
It’s just that I don’t know what companionship looks like or even whether it is in the cards for me. I’ve never really connected with anyone outside of superficial work relationships; there always seemed to be some obstacle, whether it was anxiety, childhood trauma, or questioning my sexuality. Maybe I’m just a (very, maybe too) late bloomer? Has anyone found themselves in this position? What became of you?
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I heard what’s out there isn’t that great from most women, so I don’t think I did.
It’s better to not miss out the future by wasting time on regret about past
I was a late virgin and I don’t have that much sex anyway but I very much feel like I did.
Fundamentally no. But it really depends on how you feel about it. It’s never too late to find companionship and having relationships earlier in life doesn’t essentially mean you’ll be successful in the future.
You’ve got it made. Stay the course and enjoy the freedom you have.
Nah I partied and dated pretty hard since 16 and it all becomes memories. As long you are making long term connections in general it doesn’t really matter. I tried waiting but I have a weak will and am easily convinced.
My doc was a virgin until 32 and he is now happily married. I don’t think it matters.
No. The only time you can miss out on something is now.
I’m turning 32 soon, and I’ve never done it with anyone, I’m trying to go back to school soon to work on a career, but you sound like a very smart and accomplished person whose done a alot with their life, I would say first try to understand whether or not you want a relationship, because maybe the reason you haven’t had sex is because you wanted to be with someone in an intimate way and not just physical, if that’s the case then take some time out to see what you want in a partner and go from there, if not you’re free to pursue a more physical relationship or relationships or maybe you’re not to concern really and if it happens it happens but I know for me it was trying to figure out what kind of sex life I want and what goes on between consenting adults is no one’s business it’s about pursuing your own pleasures and happiness.
I don’t think you missed out on anything you can’t make up later, if you’re even of a mind to make it up. They say women don’t even reach their sexual prime until their 30s or 40s anyhow. Your first experiences will probably be better than most people’s since you have a stronger concept of who you are as a person, and you can assert yourself and draw boundaries.
If you were set on finding a partner, I’d say you missed out on some critical practice. Relationships take communication and work to be successful, and those things take practice as much as anything else to be good at it. But it doesn’t sound like you’re in a hurry there, and you seem pretty independent anyhow. Not everyone needs a romantic partner–studies show the quality of your platonic relationships and good friendships are way more important to quality of life than a romantic relationship will ever be.
If you decide you want a romantic relationship anyhow, you still have plenty of time for that too. Regardless of your sexuality you should be able to find plenty of willing partners in your 30s and 40s, and you’ll run into more mature people that way too.
Overall, I’d say you didn’t miss out on much. If you weren’t all that keen to explore sexual relationships in your 20s and haven’t felt “lacking” there yet anyhow, I’d say you did it just right. There are a LOT of advantages to starting out now that you (and your partners) have a bit more real world experience.
Date if you want to. Keep your expectations low from men when it comes to sexual pleasure as most don’t have the patience for it.
Learn to pleasure yourself, it will do so much. If you’re sexually frustrated a toy like the Womanizer will be much more efficient and reliable.
Nope. Energy vampires. You good honey
You did, don’t let any one gas light you. Dating young shapes your expectations in future relationships, think of it like going to high school to prepare you for university.
I’m pretty sure I would trade every sexual encounter I’ve ever had for financial independence, lol.
Every choice comes with sacrifices. We can’t go back in time, we can only make decisions in the here and now. But fyi, a woman reaches her sexual peak in her mid 30s, so you’ve still got time if that’s what you want.
Depends. For me i wanted to have a lot of sex in my early 20s because i felt it was when i loomed my best, and i definitely so not regret it. Im a guy though so maybe its different
OMG, when is your birthday? HURRY, while they’re still time!!!
No, you didn’t miss anything. If you’re happy, then your life is perfectly fine just the way it is. Never let others tell you how to live your life. It is, after all, yours.
you’re not missing life out, you just did what you gotta do and you are still young, it’s not too late if you wanted to try and go out of your comfort, ofc, you won’t be able to find someone right away maybe but rare, you gotta try and try
Just answering the title. Probably Syphilis, so you good. No rushing needed.
Realistically, I think there are pros and cons. I’m also late-20’s and have thought about it like you. I did play around a bit mid-20’s onwards. I dated early 20’s, but never seriously.
The thing that gets me is there seems to be so much less pressure in your 20’s and it just seems easier to find people through friends because your friends are still around and in that mindset. I think I really miss just dating and having fun without feeling rushed or feeling those expectations. The best relationships can come from that. In my late-20’s, I kind of feel like everyone is a bit more serious and rushed. Personally, I feel like I can’t just date someone I can’t see a future with because I don’t want to waste time, but maybe when I was younger a relationship like that would have been fun. Maybe I would have learned something from it.
I’m also leaning towards being childfree and I find that wasn’t a complication when I was in my earlier 20’s because very few were actually thinking about starting a family. Now, nearly everyone is and so it leads to just another things to weed people out with.
So in the end, I think connection is what really matters. You definitely get more in touch with your needs closer to your 30’s, but I think it is fundamentally easier to be spontaneous in your 20’s than in your 30’s without those societal pressures weighing on you.
YES !!! You missed out on getting pregnant by someone you hardly knew and would have quickly grown to dislike. You missed out on getting knocked around by the father of the child who resented you for “trapping” him with a child he didn’t’ want. You missed out on having low paying jobs for the rest of your life because you needed to support your family instead of working on a career. You missed out on a STD (some of which stay with you for life). You missed out on being called a tramp by some of the very people you were sleeping around with. You missed out on the chance to get cancer from PIV (genital warts). You missed out on disappointing your parents by showing you didn’t have the morals they brought you up with.
Do not sell yourself short. There are plenty of men who give anything to be with someone like you. It is not too late to find a loving companion who will grow old with you and appreciate you for who you are.
This isn’t really a question anyone can answer for you. Tomorrow, you might meet the love of your life and realize you were an idiot to feel what you feel now or maybe it’ll be so terrible you’ll need a hoe phase in order to get over it. Only you can answer this question no one else can.
>It’s just that I don’t know what companionship looks like or even whether it is in the cards for me. I’ve never really connected with anyone outside of superficial work relationships; there always seemed to be some obstacles, whether it was anxiety, childhood trauma, or questioning my sexuality.
You’re not alone in your feelings. I’m the exact same as you, although you’re much more independent than me. It seems to me like your self sabotaging. Can I ask what’s your attachment style is? i would wager your dismissive-avoidant.
I’m not much older than you are and in a similar boat. Few relationships, almost no flings or ONS, passed on a lot of opportunities too. Thing is I never craved those things, and if you didn’t either I don’t think you missed much. I’m basically single now (relationship imploding as we speak) and its honestly when I’ve been the happiest. Maybe that desire will come later for you, time will tell. In the meantime enjoy the freedom and lack of complication. Single life ain’t bad!
I guess the big question is whether you want kids 🤔
Maybe you’re asexual? For me..sex is fun and feels good!
Don’t worry about sex but if you’re interested in being in a relationship then yeah you’ve missed out on gaining dating experience but it’s never too late. If relationships aren’t something you’re interested in then keep doing as you are
Maybe learning experiences, but probably got good ones. Most relationships in that age group are exploratory as the people involved learn about sex, their bodies, relationships, etc. Most of the people involved aren’t very good at any of those things and are mostly having the experiences for their own sake. That’s ok.
There’s a lot to learn from underwhelming (or negative) experiences. I don’t know if that’s something to be wistful for. And because of the lack of experience, a lot of people hold tight to familiar relationships that aren’t very healthy, because they don’t know much better. This also makes younger people vulnerable to older groomers that would to take advantage of their ignorance.
Exploring sex and companionship for the first time is a learning process at any age, but as you get older, you learn more (and your partners will also learn more). You’re less likely to be a target for groomers and bad actors, more likely to recognise bad actors. You’ve got a better understanding of your long-term life goals and so can look for partners that are compatible with them, rather than whomever nearby is attainable.
I know a lot of us live in sexually-saturated cultures (though idk what country you live in), and its common for younger people to think they’re “supposed” to have sexual experiences young because “everybody else” is. But a lot fewer people are than you’d think, and those experiences are often educational, but rarely fundamental. Many adults live fulfilling lives, partnered or single, without them.
I had my first sexual partner at 29. I started dating my life partner at 32. There’s nothing wrong with you. The fact that you already know you don’t plan to have children means that the only real downward pressure on age – fertility – is not your concern, either.
All most people really want at this point is somebody whose company you enjoy, somebody who makes you feel good (emotionally, physically, sexually) and that you enjoy making feel good, too. That’s what most healthy long-term relationships are.
Most of the experiences people have in their 20s is exploration and learning. That’s ok, too.
People in their 50s and 60s are exploring relationships too. Its only too late when you decide its too late, and stop trying.
Just curious, what is high paying in this current economy?