A few months into dating, my gf’s ex moved across the country. Long story short, he asked if she would help him clear out some stuff for the move. She said she could go help but she’d have to bring their kids; he said he wanted it to be alone. I guess over the phone it was made clear it was his intention to have one last hook up before he moved away.
Instead of her saying no, she said yeah i’ll see if i can get someone to watch the kids. For whatever reason, she didn’t go and nothing happened. But I saw the texts and she really didnt seem opposed to it.
When i confronted her she claimed she didnt have any actual intention of going, but she didnt know how to say “no” to her ex. I guess there is more to it so if more details are needed I can give them, but this is the gist of it.
Comments
She definitely messed up by not saying no outright, but since she didn’t go through with it, it’s not full-on cheating. Sounds like she was stuck in a bad spot with her ex and didn’t handle it well. Trust is key, if you think this is a one-time slip, talk it out. If it feels like a pattern, rethink.
Sounds like they have a long and close history and she might have been torn, yet she chose not to go. Her choice could be she is done with her ex and now she’s choosing you.
“I had no intention of really going” is the number one cop out women use when they get caught, js.
Does she usually have a hard time saying no to people in general? If so, it may be nothing at all.
Ultimately she didn’t go, so it’s up to you how you want to handle it, but if you do decide to move on and forget about it, you have to make sure you’re really going to be able to move on and forget about it.
If you don’t think you can, then you have a decision to make… do you stay with her despite not being able to trust her anymore, or do you call it a day and give both of you an opportunity to find someone new?
I feel like this is potentially really complicated and involves a lot of difficult feelings. If she didn’t cheat and has never been an untrustworthy partner then I would believe what she’s saying about not being able to say no outright. Especially if she’s a people pleaser.
Having kids with someone is a big thing and I can imagine it being difficult to keep a co parenting situation amicable and positive for the sake of the children.
Did her and her ex break up on bad terms?
Is he someone she might have reason to be afraid of upsetting?
Has she ever been an untrustworthy partner?
Has she expressed how she feels about him moving away?
Ex: Could you give me a blowie?
Gf: Sure thing!
She doesn’t know how to say no to her ex. Sounds like a healthy, desirable partner to me.
It doesn’t matter whether or not she planned or intended to cheat, all that matters is that she chose to cheat in the end. Just accept that it happend, remover her from your life, move on, and understand that looking for a reason or justification will only cause you more pain and misery.
She didnt tell you about any of this? Dump her
Send her back to the streets bro
Your problem here is there was clearly intention and with them having kids you’re never going to escape that. If it was a normal relationship then he would be long gone now. I’d use this opportunity to set some very clear and strict boundaries for going forward.
Yes. Next question
Given what you shared I would be cautiously optimistic.
You’re the side chick
You really wanna help raise kids that aren’t yours when their baby daddy can hit up your woman just ask and be accepted for a goodbye quickie?
I think the biggest piece of missing context that dictates my answer is whether or not she tried to find a babysitter and was unable to, or she just said she’d try and didn’t actually try to find the sitter.
Well she didn’t end up going and she said she never intended to go. So I guess it’s best to take her at her word. BUT at the same time that shows that she can’t be trusted to ever spend any time with her ex’s because well, she doesn’t know how to say no to people. So if she’s not saying no when they come on to her, then she’s takin it. Guess it’s up to you on how much you trust her and if you’ve ran into these kinds of problems previously and what the outcome of that was.
Girls are not as naive as they seem. Girls most of the times can see through our intentions. She very liley knew what was this about.
fuck dis man find someone who want u for u not someone whos like ehhhhhhhhhh
I don’t agree with the POV that she didn’t go. The intent was still there. Even if she has a hard time saying no, excusing their behavior as being unable to say no will just lead to more toxicity and less honesty down the road
Me personally I would not take that kind of behavior
Sounds like she’s a ho and you’re gonna have to deal with this in the future.
Also you’ll have to pay for her kids so better to break off now.
She already has kids with this guy. Are you sure you can ever mean more to her than him? Definitely will always be second to those kids that aren’t yours. Why don’t you find an unencumbered woman?
Are you open to being the cuck in the relationship?
Do you have reason to distrust her otherwise? I ask because I wonder how you came about seeing the texts.
I’m a guy. My view is that relationships can often start a bit messy and what happens at the very start of the relationship doesn’t matter so much if she always chooses you once the relationship has lasted a bit.
My reasoning is that it takes a little while to fall in love and know it’s someone you want to be with.
After that however, nothing like that should be tolerated.
Nah shes was keeping all options open, dump her you deserve better than trash
She didn’t go. The question was answered. Forget about it. Her answer was logical.
It certainly doesn’t sound like she cheated. Sounds like she made a good decision not to go. 🙂👍
You’re dating a single mom? Lol he’ll always have that in his pocket, give up