One memory that jumps out at me is how my nMom would be furiously mad often. If we left something out like an unfolded blanket or if we didn’t clean good enough for her, or if we said the wrong thing (which was disrespectful and talking back), my sister and I would get yelled at.
We would stand there while she yelled and demanded answers. And when we’d answer the answers weren’t good enough. And we’d be brow beaten for a while.
But sometimes during this process she’d get a phone call.
She’d go from gnashing her teeth and screaming in outrage to answering the phone with a friendly “Hello? ✨️😊”. And then she would be fine on the phone. She’d talk and be friendly and catch up with a friend, all the while we still had to stand and wait for her to be done.
Then when the phonecall was over she’d go right back to yelling at us.
Did anyone else experience this? Is this normal?
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Yes, it was like that all the time, she yelled at me for anything, she was completely hysterical over domestic matters. If someone called she would answer with her honeyed voice “ah exactly my darling, I was thinking of you” that’s scary…
Lmao, the tonal whiplash when narcs go from dealing with their own family to dealing with an outsider has always been hilarious to me. What’s even funnier is that as I got older and started to give my mom’s own behavior back to her, she had the audacity to get incensed as if it wasn’t exactly how she treated us.
She’d start fights with me and I’d respond harshly or defensively. Then I’d answer the phone and get a wrong number and be patient and polite. Of course, she’d point out, “Why are you so disrespectful to me, but nice to some stranger on the phone!?” Gosh, mom, I wonder why. It’s not like anybody ever treated ME that way…
My mother ran a business out of her home. She was a different person when clients came. It was truly bizarre. I could always tell when she was going to be “good” or “bad.” Strangely, “good mom” was always very loud, while “bad mom” was quiet.
That was my NMom. She could go from a negative emotion (anger or self-pity) to a fake “sweet” voice to answer the phone.
When I was young, I thought it was a sign of self-control. Now I believe it was mostly performative.
I remember my younger brother sadly saying “Why can’t she talk to US like that?”
This is my mom to a T. Though now in her old age, she seems to like to pick up the phone while still arguing with my dad and not even realize someone answered lol.
Yep witnessed this no end
Triggered. Yes absolutely. Or you do something small and it’s a blow up, unless the phone rings. They are pleasant but then ramp back up
Every time.
One second, she’d be yelling at me like I had committed murder. Then the phone would ring and she’d answer with a tone as sweet as a Disney staffer, complete with a smile on her face.
It was creepy and proved her to be insane.
She acts so sweet and innocent in front of people. I’ve often been told how lucky I am to have a mom like her. She would always put on such a performance if I had someone over. Make cakes and pies from scratch, constantly enter my room while carrying plates of freshly made muffins, bowls of fruits, ice cream, etc… she would serve them acting like she was my servant or something. “For you, madame.” She’d say to me, while handing over cups of hot chocolate spiked with bailey’s. She wanted me to appear all spoiled and mean towards my poor little mummy, which she was successful at.
I remember one time, I had a friend over and me and her had been doing drugs all weekend and had zero appetite(uppers) there was a bunch of plates scattered all over my bed with barely eaten food but she didn’t get the hint, haha she’s ridiculous.
If people only knew she actually shapeshifts into a demon behind closed doors…
I have lived through that exact scenario a bunch of times. My therapist says that the tone shift is evidence that my mom could have controlled her anger if she had wanted to.
Yep yep yep yep yep yep.
Yup. I remember when I was little I used to look forward to when she got a phone call. That meant I was in the clear for a little 😅
yes
Oh yeah. They have a different voice for family and a higher pitched, syrupy sweet voice for others.
Hahah the emoji made me laugh out loud! This stuff just showed me they can turn it on and off.
You met my Mom is see. She is the same as yours, berating us for one thing wrong, then a lovely phone voice. Then hang up, sigh and berate us again. I am in my fifties and still remember that
Mine gets a whole new accent when she talks to family on the farm.
Oh yeah. Before I knew what what a narc was I thought he was a sociopath.
I call it her secretary voice, I started calling it that after I had to go to her work after school one day because my baby sitter was sick, I remember her scolding me for fidgeting and then her boss walked up and asked her to make a phone call and as soon as she saw him she switched to her secretary voice, it would have been more startling if she hadn’t been using her work mask while “dealing with my bad behaviour. ” I was very conscious of the fact that she was at work and was stuck on a homework problem and getting anxious because my homework had to be done before dinner, I don’t remember why.