This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in RBN.
RBN is a heavily moderated subreddit. Any rule breaking, regardless if it is the first-time offense, may result in an immediate ban. Failure to read our rules in full will not absolve you from breaking the rules. If you have not read our rules, read them first before commenting.
Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by a moderator.
Our rules include (but not limited to):
No politics.
No victim blaming and/or personal attacks.
Advising anyone to RBN to take their life or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate, unappealable ban.
Do not derail OP’s post.
Narcissists are NOT allowed to participate in RBN.
Do not advocate violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
No content about N-kids.
No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
For a full list of our rules/more information, click here.
If you are confused about some acronyms or terminology, click here!
Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
Nmom did not have an nparent to my knowledge, but she was abandoned by her parents when she was very young and I feel like that had very detrimental effects on her ability to form connections with people.
Basically her mom (my grandma) had too many kids too quickly and couldn’t handle/afford it. Since my mom was one of the older ones, she sent my mom to live with another family member when she was … maybe 7 years old? I know my mom had a lot of resentment toward her mother about being the one kid who was sent away while the other kids got to stay.
My mom’s mom was so much worse than my mom and then her mom was a narcissistic pedophile/enabler and the cycle continues that’s way all the way back to late Victorian era but in Sweden
I don’t know. My mom HATED her mother, but only had nice things to say about her dad (history repeats because I feel the same about my parents). She claims her mother was terrible, but my grandma seemed nice and my mom was super mean to her. My mom’s three siblings were very close to both parents, and each other. So I’m honestly not sure if my mom was singled out and treated differently, or if she’s just a crappy person by her own virtue.
My mother hates her, says that she wants to be nothing like her, but never follows through on that. In fact, she actively repeats the abusive behavior she was subjected to when it “gets results” or when it “works” on me and my siblings.
My Nfather did not have nparents, but he was excessively spoiled by his mom (my grandmother). She was told that she couldn’t get pregnant, but she ended up having him and treated him like a prince.
Yes. Ndad had an insanely Nmother. He was an only child and raised as ‘special’. He was raised by a governess and didn’t attend normal school until thirteen. Due to all his private tutoring he was well ahead of other students and excelled at school which only reinforced his belief of ‘specialness’. He never did anything of note with his specialness. He always saw himself as too good for normal jobs. He worked in his father’s business until he died then he sold it and ran various businesses of his own that always failed because he’d never worked in the real world. Ngrandmother hated children and made it clear to us grandchildren. To the day she died she treated my N/BPDmother like she was garbage and not good enough for her prince.
N/BPDmother no. Looking back I can’t really say whether my mother was a full narc or more BPD. She could be frighteningly cruel and vindictive and was prone to hateful, unexpected outbursts seemingly triggered by nothing. Both her parents were wonderful and I spent a lot of time with them even though they lived in another state. They were a safe place for me. My mother completely resented the closeness I had with them. N/BPDmother had a very accomplished older sibling that she always hated and resented. We were not allowed to know our aunt or our cousins/her kids. Similarly even though Ndad was an only child he had many aunts/uncles/cousins that we didn’t even know existed until mid to late teens. We weren’t allowed to know them either. Heaven forbid we find out they were actually nice people and have other family members to turn to.
Yes, I lived with my grandfather for most of my childhood, I understand why my parent is like this. He was awful and his child (my parent) isn’t much better 🙁
Hard to tell…my Ndad ‘s mom died when he was 12. (And her father when she was very young. Her mother was apparently a crotchety bitch.) His dad (my grandfather) worked a lot and even had a secret second family, so my Ndad’s older brothers were left to take care of him most of the time. He has some pretty bad abuse stories…. The few times he’s talked about it.
My grandfather died when I was 6 so I only remember happy things.
My grandma always showered her son with everything he wanted while completely overlooking my mom. She never offered her any love or support. Now, she treats her grandkids the same way. When I try to talk to her, she often doesn’t pay attention and gives me a strange look with a grin, then asks others to repeat what I said. When I was younger, I used to speak really fast and quietly, and while I’ve gotten better at that, her behavior hasn’t changed.
NMom: My step-grandfather seemed to have some N traits, but nowhere near as N-like as Nmom. Not much was known about my biological grandpa except that he was a Lt. Col. in the Taiwanese military, lived on base and drank like a fish until liver issues took him away at 44 years old (when NMom was 14). My grandma seemed well-adjusted though.
Dad: Never had any N tendencies, my grandma didn’t exhibit enough signs for her to be explicitly labeled one, and long story short, I don’t know about my biological and step-grandfather enough to say whether or not they had N tendencies, since they both passed away before I was born.
Yes. My Nmom experienced all kinds of parental abuse (including SA) and neglect at the hands of her so-called parents. Her stepfather died before I was born and she rarely spoke of him, so I never met him and am not sure whether he was an N. He was definitely human garbage who should have been in prison, though. As for her mother, she lived with us for a year when I was little, and Nmom ended up kicking her out for neglecting me (I injured myself while she was ignoring me) and favouring my sister. She went back to her home country and I only saw her in person once after that, as an adult. From all that I experienced and heard about before she passed, she was definitely an N.
Yes and we most likely picked up the behavior as well. Be mindful of things you don’t like about them because you most likely have them too, I learned that that hard way. I’m currently unlearning the bad traits.
Grandma was an Nmom to Ndad, it seems. And grandpa was an Edad to him. Obviously Ndad claims their controlling and abusive behaviors made him so successful.
My father’s father & mother’s mother were. But not true for the opposite.
Besides being a narcissist, my father was also racist, misogynistic, bigoted & transphobic. Which makes sense considering his father was all that as well as being a snake oil salesman (actually got my father and his brother to help him with peddling his quack cures when they were children).
Yes, I believe all four of my grandparents were narcissists. My paternal grandfather was the least obnoxious (just cranky and unpleasant) and so I liked him most.
As I know from my own experience, Narc parents sometimes act behind closed doors and aren’t noticed by others on the outside. I feel like the grandparents I know may not be reflective of the parents they are/were.
That being said, There are selfish moments in them. They also don’t reach out to me unless I reach out to them first (unless there is some tragic news). If they are narcs, they must be very covert.
Both of my NParents had NParents. To complicate matters, both were the Scapegoats of their families, and most members of the extended family have strong Narc traits.
At least two of my NGrandparents were abused by their parents.
Yes. And honestly I didn’t see it up until about a little less then a year ago. Made everything make sense. Grandma had an abusive alcoholic for a father that took advantage of her and the siblings. I don’t know if he was narcissistic or if he was trying to drown everything from being in Pearl Harbor (on the ship next to the Arizona) or the fact he accidently shot and killed his friend screwing around as teenagers. I’m trying so desperately to break the cycle.
Yes. My grandfather molested his children. Their mother knew. When they were much older I was in the room when it came up in conversation somehow, I don’t recall how but I do recall my grandmother first saying if he did that he was just trying to make them feel good, then back tracking and saying he couldn’t have done it because he was “huge” and would have hurt them. My mom and her sister left angry and I was still there (why?) and she repeated that he would have hurt them if he did that to them. I said he did. And she was just quiet.
Hard to say honestly. I’m probably gonna say not really. It’s more of a result of being raised in a poor family of ten and her feeling neglected. So, she just focused on herself and felt the victim of her own upbringings.
My uncle tells me no. He says their parents were perfectly normal. That was my experience of them as grandparents also. I don’t know how my father turned evil.
Yeah. This has been an ongoing revelation. My mother’s behavior makes more sense, and at least at this very moment, the excalation of her folks’ behavior has made her examine her own behavior a little bit. It’s been, weird, tbh.
Yep, definitely 3 grandparents, possibly 4. I think my paternal grandmother was mostly following cultural norms aligned with narcissistic behavior, but unfortunately the result was the same for her kids. She had one golden child who worshipped her. The rest moved as far away as possible and didn’t take any part in her care in retirement or end of life aside from sending money.
I’m not sure, I guess? My mom has consistently said my grandma was controlling, overprotective, and harsh and that she will never be like that. Today, I can say that my mom is far worse. She treats me like a “friend” when she wants to but turns into the devil when something doesn’t go her way. I never saw that in my grandma because although I’m sure she might’ve softened up with time, my grandma would raise me with love and care. She wouldn’t have ridiculous outbursts at me over the tiniest of things. She was essentially more of a mom to me while my mom worked ridiculous hours constantly. My mom would scream at my grandma everyday when my grandma lived with us.
For context, my grandma grew up as the sole caretaker in Ukraine of 6 of her other siblings at a very young age so she grew up to become pretty strict but responsible. Her mom died giving birth to the last of her siblings but was a very loving woman. My grandma’s dad was a hard worker but a drunk, he died when she was a teenager from freezing to death after becoming heavily intoxicated and passing out in the winter. My grandma had to protect her siblings during WWII and beyond. When it came to my mom, she was apparently very strict and would use a towel or shoe to hit my mom if she was caught doing something wrong. My grandma also had my aunt before my mom, but they have a much better and civilized relationship than my mom, or at least my aunt was a lot more calm and normal in turn out after my grandma raised her. My mom was a very rebellious and immature person (still is) growing up in the Soviet Union. Her head was in the clouds and she had great ambitions. Times were rough down there and approaching the 90s, the Soviet Union was crumbling. Crime, violence, and substance/drug abuse was crazy. My mom would constantly sneak out, get involved with super sketchy stuff and people, started smoking at age 12, and has had a lot of rough patches throughout her life. My mom praises my grandpa all the time, saying how he was funny, cool, and loving (he was a drunk, a workaholic, would cheat on my grandma, and was involved with sketchy groups of people who killed him).
My nmom has a nmom also, much more overt and grandiose. My mother has never said a king thing about her own mother, and rightfully so. My ngrandparent is a bitch. Any time I’ve tried to approach my own mother’s behavior, no matter the approach, has always been sobbing, “That’s what my mother did.”
I am torn on my father. Because he was honestly really caring and dedicated but I occasionally caught him doing narcissistic things (only realizing it looking back). Like being happy I got the lsat I wanted celebrating but also throwing in “if only you could have also gotten higher”. But then ontop of that the dude is sitting in the parking lot for 3 fucking hours waiting for my lsat class he drove me to until I’m done because he didn’t want me taking public transit because he wanted me to just “focus on learning”. And then when I offer him a place to stay if I make it off disability so he didn’t have to stat in the area which sucked him literally refusing and saying “that’s your money”.
I think my dad was 95% normal being scapegoated and 5% adopting narc tendencies.
Given his brothers being 99% narc I’m happy with what i did get though.
Mum’s dad was a pedo, married a girl when he was 23 and she was 9. Got her pregnant at 11. She passed down horrible anxiety issues to all of up
Dad’s parents would hit him like hell. He told me when he didn’t do homework in grade 2 his dad (airforce officer) kept him outside the house and made him sleep outside near canals with literal shit in in and there were huge pigs roaming around. His mother was chronically ill.
Yes. Ndad hates his mother, but takes a lot after her, and he was raised and spoiled by his grandmother who was horribly abusive and mean to his mother. History repeats itself
Yup. I’ve only heard the stories of what grandma was like. She had 3 different husband’s, 2 kids with each, and raised 6 of the kids on her own to my knowledge. All her daughters, my mother included, are just nightmares to hang around. All my uncles though are so sweet and I honestly feel for them so bad because their sisters and wives around them abuse and manipulate them so much. Is there some patterning here? Certainly. Will anyone do anything about it? Not a chance.
Yes and I’m sure my grandparents had nParents too.
My grandparents were product of the Great Depression and Fascism in Italy under Mussolini.
Grandfather served in WWII. Came home home all fucked yo and just passed it down to my mom and she kinda passed it on to me but I’m trying real hard to break the cycle.
I think my mother just has N tendencies and enmeshment issues her mother was the Nparent and she also ended up in a lot of relationships with dark triad men. She ended up giving birth to my NSis who kept a lot of N practices going on in the family. I think my mother developed N traits because she was always being mistreated and being selfish and manipulating people into existing just to please her was the only way that she knew to keep people close.
Her father died when she was young, but the few stories she’s told about him, he sounded abusive. My grandmother used tools (hangers, extension cords, etc) to beat her children and grandkids up to me (#3 of 11). None of my younger cousins got hit by her because she learned other ways to discipline when they came along a decade later.
Definitely. She and a sister were sent to live with a childless aunt and uncle when she was 5 and it sounds like her sister was treated as the Golden Child by them. I never met my aunt more than 5 times and my ‘grandparents’ maybe 20 times so only have my mother’s word for it. If the stories she makes up about me are anything to go by most of it is in her head.
I hang out on this sub because my mother was/is toxic, but she’s not narcissistic, she’s BPD, I guess, with a huge anxiety disorder.
And yes, my poor mom (I’m LC but I understand how she became problematic)…
Her mom, my grandmother.. She was a child during WW1, she became an orphan at 15, was raised in a school /pension Jane Eyre-like, then was a young bride with a young child during WW2 and spent the nazi occupation worried that they would all be deported because her husband was a free mason. (We’re all French.)
My grandmother was kind at heart, but very damaged by all of this, and she raised her daughter, my mom, in an atmosphere of fear, looming tragedy, and crippling anxiety.
So… No narcissism here really, just tragedy and war creating a generational curse… That hopefully stopped with me and that I didn’t transmit to my children.
No, my adopted mother’s mom was an angel on earth. My adopted grand dad was a bit stern, but I didn’t see him as narcissistic. He was a family man running a company.
My adopted mother is a narcissist. My biological egg donor and her mother are narcissists.
That family is riddled with narcissists. They ran a whore house and the grand mother was the madam.
My nmom certainly did. Her mother was very sweet and a good person. She raised me and saved my life more times than I can count. Her nfather was an alcoholic with severe mental health problems and he tormented my aunt and uncle their whole childhoods. He left when mom was 10 years old and his abandonment of her really damaged her even though she had a lot of positive influences in her life.
My father, while not raised by one, also had significant childhood trauma. His mother died when he was 12. He has major surviors guilt because he was alone at home with her and he didn’t know what to do. His father drank and was no doubt off somewhere. When my grandmother died, he was so consumed with his own grief that he shipped him off to his grandmother’s house and had a poor relationship with him after that.
My nmom then had two other kids who both have pretty narcissistic tendencies. The verdict is still out on my brother but my nsis is so obviously cut from the same cloth as my nmom. They were incredibly close when they weren’t bickering with each other.
I know I’m not perfect myself but I acknowledge my CPTSD and am mindful of the things that trigger me so I can do better. I don’t want that to be my future. It helps that I had one person who believed in me and showed me there could be a better way. My grandma knew what my mom was. She couldn’t protect me from everything, but she was one of the only people my nmom would listen to and the world is a worse place without her. But she taught me how to be patient and kind even when the world is spitting in your face. She was a much better person than me, but I do my best to follow her example and not make the same mistakes my family did.
I think if you asked my mom she would say yes — but a lot of the things my mom disliked about her mom are positive character traits in my book. Looking out for the underdog, kindness to animals, being active in the community and opening up her home to those in need.
Of course if you ask my mom and her siblings, grandma was an easy mark for bad people, and didn’t prioritize her kids over strangers. As an adult now, I imagine that both things were probably true; I’m sure my mom felt abandoned by her mom and lashed out at the character traits that allowed that to happen. But there are also a ton of stories of grandma doing things that I think are admirable, that I wish more people in society did.
I remember as a teenager being appalled at how my grandma’s adult children treated her. My grandma had vocal spasmodia and deafness so it was hard for her to participate in conversations, and the kids just kind of shut her out and got irritated when she asked them to repeat themselves, or give her a minute to form sentences. It enraged me to watch my mom, who demanded so much respect from me, disrespect her own mother like that — especially over things she couldn’t control.
Apparently dad was physically and emotionally abused by his mother. Apparently she hated him for ruining her life. (She was only 15 when she got pregnant and in 1939 a girl didn’t have options.) I say “apparently” because the family only discovered this about ten years ago when dad was babbling after anesthesia.
For whatever reason, he never laid a finger on us. But his evil mouth destroyed the minds of both his children.
Yep. My grandmother forced my mom to work at a young age and take care of her younger sister. My mom doesn’t know how to love me because her mom never loved her. Their relationship was purely transactional, my grandma would only show care towards my mother when my mother was able to give her money.
No. Her parents were amazing. Her dad basically raised me, died only a couple months ago unfortunately, but he was the best grandparent i could have asked for. There was never any form of animosity or ungratefulness or even rudeness whatsoever from him. I think in 18 years he got upset with me once because of a misunderstanding.
Honestly I don’t know where it’s come from but apparently she’s always been like it (according to her sister).
Moms mom was a sweetheart and was always trying to to hard to be nice. Leading to many issues like with spending to much money and her dad although use to being rough and tough. Was more strict than narc. It was grandma getting sick putting mom in a roll of being the parent to her siblings. Causing stress and putting her in a position of power and control at a young age that caused her narc mess. I am during smoking at 16 didn’t help.
Dad had the opposite. His mom was to afraid of his dad to do things and his dad was very clearly controlling and demanding. Allowing my dad to suffer a series of head injuries and telling him to wash the blood off and go play down. Instead of taking him to the hospital. (So when you hear “were you dropped on your head a lot as a child?” Dad says “yes”). So he ended up longing for that kindness and love. Which led to his motto of “never tell kids no so they have a better life than I did”.
I see the effects on my older brother and my parents youngest. Older bro got mom growing up. So he got that controlling and commanding parent and grew up struggling to make his own decisions and got quite the anger outbursts. Having learned to conceal don’t feel, don’t let it show. So when he does get mad and can’t hide it he snaps. Otherwise a nice person.
Older sis got half a heart instead of being raised by them and the youngest was tiny when dad ignored his and my warnings that he was going to get hurt and fell 32ft out of a tree. He retired and mom worked again. So the little one got the “I want to I’ve then everything I never had and make their life better than mine without hardship”. Thus has an ego the size of Neptune and demands you obey or get screamed at. Becoming worse than mom.
I was “lucky” and got a brain aneurysm and spent so much time blacking out and ending up in the hospital I got the diverse view points of the kind nurses, doctors, other patients and older folks. Giving me a better understanding of the world from a young age and showing me how I shouldn’t want to be like them. Which naturally incited mild rage in mom when I wouldn’t obey and frustrating dad as I got older and wanted fairness and understood mistakes are for learning and wouldn’t cater to his never say no attitude towards their other son.
Why when around people who don’t know this families hierarchy it’s fun. Cause some insist wolves raising me is more believable than her and dad raising someone as nice as me (naturally mom stopped associating with those who jokingly made the remarks). Had a few figure that they’re my grandparents. (One even tried to process it and asked if I was their pet cause I got a collar necklace from a friend and have my medical tags on it. Though was more shocked by the fact he was my father than when they were thinking I could be their pet.)
not sure, my mom told me randomly that one time when she was younger maybe around 6-7, she was singing and suddenly her mom said “stop singing it’s bad” and my mom never sang again. then she told me that my grandma was the worst mom but is a good grandma to me which I can for sure agree. I just wonder why she still talks to her mom even when she’s mean to her? I don’t know if I move out I’ll still keep in contact with my mom. I’ll feel bad to leave her alone.
Oh yeah. My mom’s parents get all their information from facebook and youtube and are huge conspiracy theorists who are full of themselves. so yeah for sure😭
Surprisingly no, but personality disorders do run in the family.
We got a histrionic personality who married an autistic who was raised by an Nmom (wonder why he married one/s) and they raised their own bp with ND (which is a surprisingly common combo) along with my Ndad
Not sure. Nmom’s father passed away when she was in her late teens. She never discussed him. Her mother is not a narc.
My edad’s mother was a narc so I get why he picked my mother and stayed. He was comfortable with it.
I have no idea. My mother’s mom died when she was 4 and she was raised by her grandmother only who got physical when she behaved badly. The grandma died when my mother was 16 and she was moved to her father who had like 5 other children from another woman. She said it was the first or second time idk when she met them and didn’t like them so she went to live to another family member. I am sure she was abandoned and was bullied bc of the death of her mother. I wish i knew the whole family lore it’s messssy.
She let my mother go without glasses for a good chunk of her childhood and completely ignored and gaslighted my mom about her concern and struggles, did similarly to an aunt about trauma in her childhood. And now has done the same for me and my trauma and disabilities. She also has extreme internalized misogyny and expects her daughters and any women of the family to get married off and become perfect maid slaves for their partners. Treats her boys with so much more grace, but also hates all their wives and bad mouths any woman and constantly lies and victimizes herself. Obsessed with her image and probably has more photos of herself than positive memories with her family. All her children aside from the 3 narcissists/otherwise abusers have cut contact, or limited contact, and I’m just about to as well. I was the only grandchild to visit or care for her, but because I wasn’t a perfect maid or servant, so oh well.
Both sides have narcissists but both sets of parents are just flat out awful human beings.
On my mom’s side, my grandpa has a second family, he’s murdered someone and covered it up, and he still does business with the Mexicans (mafia not cartel). My grandma is hardcore Pentecostal, always hides food from certain grandkids, and she always gaslights people.
On my dad’s side, my grandma was pretty bad when she was younger because she threw a vase at one of my aunts and she favored my dad’s younger brother over him. But, she mellowed out when I was born and I never had an issue with her, she got stage 4 cancer about 4 years ago and passed away two months later but she made things right before she crossed over (I still miss her). My grandpa on my dad’s side isn’t in my life at all and he walked out on my dad when he was 5, I met him when I was really little but I don’t remember because I was 1 or 2 at the most. He’s a registered sex offender and he’s wandering around NorCal last I heard.
Yup. My aunt was the golden child who became a nurse and stayed in the country to be there for my grandparents and my mother acted out as a teen before running off to England. Though my aunt is considerably better adjusted, possibly because she didn’t have kids to pass on the trauma to.
My mothers father was probably a narcissist. Her mother was a nice woman , she brought us all up until her death and that’s when my mothers “reign of terror” sorta began. We were left alone to deal with her , and all her brothers and sisters chose to look the other way while she abused her children. I have nothing to do with any of my family now , it’s too much trauma to take on and deal with , sometimes all you can do for your mental health is leave them all
Yes. Both my parents had Nmoms and pushover dads. My mom has told me countless times her and my dad settled for each other because they could tolerate each other’s mother (since they had a crazy one of their own). I married a man from a health family that my parents can’t stand because he doesn’t bow to them.
Yeah, I didn’t know it until I lived with that grandparent though. Everything made sense and the decades of strained on again off again relationships made so much more sense. I also saw my future if I decided not to go no contact and decided I’d rather have no relationship at all than decades of that. It would have just been an endless continuation of hateful mother daughter relationships. Fuck that.
My nmother came from an incest situation (first cousins marriage)
I feel like in some countries where its common to marry cousins like Pakistan/Iraq, so the incest/inbreeding percentage is high, the narcissist percentage is also very high.
Oh yeah. My maternal grandmother was like the final boss of narcissism in my family. My dad’s parents were alcoholics and he had a lot of really sad stories about having to grow up with shitty drunks for parents. Neither of them learned shit from what they went through.
Yes, they literally said “I grew up like that too, and I suffered too”. “And you consciously decided to inflict that upon your children as well, aware that they’ll suffer?” “I didn’t think too much about it”.
My mom is a covert. Her mom is a covert. I think her grandpa was a overt. My dad is an overt. I don’t think either of his parents were. He had zero boundaries as a kid and was highly praised.
My mom definitely did and I never heard the end of it growing up. If I got upset with her, she always reminded me that her father did worse. It’s probably true that her father was worse but it didn’t cancel out/justify what she did to me.
The real irony of the situation was that my mom also named me after him. So I was his favorite grandchild and her least favorite kid. She named me after him for cultural reasons (a lot of Greeks name the kid after their parents). But it still makes me feel like I was doomed from the start.
Yes, and my ngrandmother makes my nmom look like a Saint, I can’t say that I forgive my nmom but sometimes my heart hurts that she didn’t have the protection she needed, then she goes and does something crazy to me so you know:
Dunno shit about my grandparents. Though I believe my step grandma sounds like she was one. My mother is and so is my sister. My mom’s bio mom died when she was 5. So don’t think any of us know anything about her.
Dunno enough about my dad’s side. I don’t think he’s a narcissist, but definitely an enabling person. As well as abused me. Just there’s a lot he’s done that makes me question if he’s a narcissist, and seems like he’s the victim in his own ways. Never excuses how he hurt me, but yeah. His family has a history of abuse though too.
My grandparents from dad’s side seem normal, especially grandma, grandpa sometimes isn’t the nicest towards my depression and has laughed at some stuff that hurt me but idk. I always liked him when I was younger.
Grandparents from mom’s side are unknown to me as she never talks about them and I never met them as they live in another country but my dad said grandpa left my mom when she was young.
I’m not sure if my mom is a narcissist even tho she mistreated me but my dad is for sure. I don’t really understand but I’ve been told some people change when they get older so maybe the grandparents weren’t as nice before and also it can be different children vs grandchildren.
Comments
This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in RBN.
RBN is a heavily moderated subreddit. Any rule breaking, regardless if it is the first-time offense, may result in an immediate ban. Failure to read our rules in full will not absolve you from breaking the rules. If you have not read our rules, read them first before commenting.
Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by a moderator.
Our rules include (but not limited to):
For a full list of our rules/more information, click here.
If you are confused about some acronyms or terminology, click here!
Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Nmom did not have an nparent to my knowledge, but she was abandoned by her parents when she was very young and I feel like that had very detrimental effects on her ability to form connections with people.
Basically her mom (my grandma) had too many kids too quickly and couldn’t handle/afford it. Since my mom was one of the older ones, she sent my mom to live with another family member when she was … maybe 7 years old? I know my mom had a lot of resentment toward her mother about being the one kid who was sent away while the other kids got to stay.
V much so.
My mom’s mom was so much worse than my mom and then her mom was a narcissistic pedophile/enabler and the cycle continues that’s way all the way back to late Victorian era but in Sweden
I don’t know. My mom HATED her mother, but only had nice things to say about her dad (history repeats because I feel the same about my parents). She claims her mother was terrible, but my grandma seemed nice and my mom was super mean to her. My mom’s three siblings were very close to both parents, and each other. So I’m honestly not sure if my mom was singled out and treated differently, or if she’s just a crappy person by her own virtue.
My Nmom had her own Nmom.
My mother hates her, says that she wants to be nothing like her, but never follows through on that. In fact, she actively repeats the abusive behavior she was subjected to when it “gets results” or when it “works” on me and my siblings.
Yes, also physically violent
My Nfather did not have nparents, but he was excessively spoiled by his mom (my grandmother). She was told that she couldn’t get pregnant, but she ended up having him and treated him like a prince.
My nmother had an nfather and my had bat wife syndrome horribly.
Yes. Ndad had an insanely Nmother. He was an only child and raised as ‘special’. He was raised by a governess and didn’t attend normal school until thirteen. Due to all his private tutoring he was well ahead of other students and excelled at school which only reinforced his belief of ‘specialness’. He never did anything of note with his specialness. He always saw himself as too good for normal jobs. He worked in his father’s business until he died then he sold it and ran various businesses of his own that always failed because he’d never worked in the real world. Ngrandmother hated children and made it clear to us grandchildren. To the day she died she treated my N/BPDmother like she was garbage and not good enough for her prince.
N/BPDmother no. Looking back I can’t really say whether my mother was a full narc or more BPD. She could be frighteningly cruel and vindictive and was prone to hateful, unexpected outbursts seemingly triggered by nothing. Both her parents were wonderful and I spent a lot of time with them even though they lived in another state. They were a safe place for me. My mother completely resented the closeness I had with them. N/BPDmother had a very accomplished older sibling that she always hated and resented. We were not allowed to know our aunt or our cousins/her kids. Similarly even though Ndad was an only child he had many aunts/uncles/cousins that we didn’t even know existed until mid to late teens. We weren’t allowed to know them either. Heaven forbid we find out they were actually nice people and have other family members to turn to.
Yes, I lived with my grandfather for most of my childhood, I understand why my parent is like this. He was awful and his child (my parent) isn’t much better 🙁
Hard to tell…my Ndad ‘s mom died when he was 12. (And her father when she was very young. Her mother was apparently a crotchety bitch.) His dad (my grandfather) worked a lot and even had a secret second family, so my Ndad’s older brothers were left to take care of him most of the time. He has some pretty bad abuse stories…. The few times he’s talked about it.
My grandfather died when I was 6 so I only remember happy things.
My grandma always showered her son with everything he wanted while completely overlooking my mom. She never offered her any love or support. Now, she treats her grandkids the same way. When I try to talk to her, she often doesn’t pay attention and gives me a strange look with a grin, then asks others to repeat what I said. When I was younger, I used to speak really fast and quietly, and while I’ve gotten better at that, her behavior hasn’t changed.
NMom: My step-grandfather seemed to have some N traits, but nowhere near as N-like as Nmom. Not much was known about my biological grandpa except that he was a Lt. Col. in the Taiwanese military, lived on base and drank like a fish until liver issues took him away at 44 years old (when NMom was 14). My grandma seemed well-adjusted though.
Dad: Never had any N tendencies, my grandma didn’t exhibit enough signs for her to be explicitly labeled one, and long story short, I don’t know about my biological and step-grandfather enough to say whether or not they had N tendencies, since they both passed away before I was born.
Yes. My Nmom experienced all kinds of parental abuse (including SA) and neglect at the hands of her so-called parents. Her stepfather died before I was born and she rarely spoke of him, so I never met him and am not sure whether he was an N. He was definitely human garbage who should have been in prison, though. As for her mother, she lived with us for a year when I was little, and Nmom ended up kicking her out for neglecting me (I injured myself while she was ignoring me) and favouring my sister. She went back to her home country and I only saw her in person once after that, as an adult. From all that I experienced and heard about before she passed, she was definitely an N.
Yes and we most likely picked up the behavior as well. Be mindful of things you don’t like about them because you most likely have them too, I learned that that hard way. I’m currently unlearning the bad traits.
Yup
Yes
Grandma was an Nmom to Ndad, it seems. And grandpa was an Edad to him. Obviously Ndad claims their controlling and abusive behaviors made him so successful.
Yes, totally
Mom definitely yes. Dad no.
My grandfather was exactly like my father. Not an easy man to love.
My father’s father & mother’s mother were. But not true for the opposite.
Besides being a narcissist, my father was also racist, misogynistic, bigoted & transphobic. Which makes sense considering his father was all that as well as being a snake oil salesman (actually got my father and his brother to help him with peddling his quack cures when they were children).
Yes, I believe all four of my grandparents were narcissists. My paternal grandfather was the least obnoxious (just cranky and unpleasant) and so I liked him most.
Ya know, it’s a bit hard for me to say.
As I know from my own experience, Narc parents sometimes act behind closed doors and aren’t noticed by others on the outside. I feel like the grandparents I know may not be reflective of the parents they are/were.
That being said, There are selfish moments in them. They also don’t reach out to me unless I reach out to them first (unless there is some tragic news). If they are narcs, they must be very covert.
Both of my NParents had NParents. To complicate matters, both were the Scapegoats of their families, and most members of the extended family have strong Narc traits.
At least two of my NGrandparents were abused by their parents.
Yes. And honestly I didn’t see it up until about a little less then a year ago. Made everything make sense. Grandma had an abusive alcoholic for a father that took advantage of her and the siblings. I don’t know if he was narcissistic or if he was trying to drown everything from being in Pearl Harbor (on the ship next to the Arizona) or the fact he accidently shot and killed his friend screwing around as teenagers. I’m trying so desperately to break the cycle.
Yes. My grandfather molested his children. Their mother knew. When they were much older I was in the room when it came up in conversation somehow, I don’t recall how but I do recall my grandmother first saying if he did that he was just trying to make them feel good, then back tracking and saying he couldn’t have done it because he was “huge” and would have hurt them. My mom and her sister left angry and I was still there (why?) and she repeated that he would have hurt them if he did that to them. I said he did. And she was just quiet.
Hard to say honestly. I’m probably gonna say not really. It’s more of a result of being raised in a poor family of ten and her feeling neglected. So, she just focused on herself and felt the victim of her own upbringings.
Yeah, my maternal grandpa was violent to my mom when she was growing up. But after I was born, he changed completely and is now more nicer and calmer.
no. mine were raised VERY well. my grandparents were kind people. some people are just born monsters.
My uncle tells me no. He says their parents were perfectly normal. That was my experience of them as grandparents also. I don’t know how my father turned evil.
Yes, they did.
Yeah. This has been an ongoing revelation. My mother’s behavior makes more sense, and at least at this very moment, the excalation of her folks’ behavior has made her examine her own behavior a little bit. It’s been, weird, tbh.
Yep, definitely 3 grandparents, possibly 4. I think my paternal grandmother was mostly following cultural norms aligned with narcissistic behavior, but unfortunately the result was the same for her kids. She had one golden child who worshipped her. The rest moved as far away as possible and didn’t take any part in her care in retirement or end of life aside from sending money.
Yes very much so
I’m not sure, I guess? My mom has consistently said my grandma was controlling, overprotective, and harsh and that she will never be like that. Today, I can say that my mom is far worse. She treats me like a “friend” when she wants to but turns into the devil when something doesn’t go her way. I never saw that in my grandma because although I’m sure she might’ve softened up with time, my grandma would raise me with love and care. She wouldn’t have ridiculous outbursts at me over the tiniest of things. She was essentially more of a mom to me while my mom worked ridiculous hours constantly. My mom would scream at my grandma everyday when my grandma lived with us.
For context, my grandma grew up as the sole caretaker in Ukraine of 6 of her other siblings at a very young age so she grew up to become pretty strict but responsible. Her mom died giving birth to the last of her siblings but was a very loving woman. My grandma’s dad was a hard worker but a drunk, he died when she was a teenager from freezing to death after becoming heavily intoxicated and passing out in the winter. My grandma had to protect her siblings during WWII and beyond. When it came to my mom, she was apparently very strict and would use a towel or shoe to hit my mom if she was caught doing something wrong. My grandma also had my aunt before my mom, but they have a much better and civilized relationship than my mom, or at least my aunt was a lot more calm and normal in turn out after my grandma raised her. My mom was a very rebellious and immature person (still is) growing up in the Soviet Union. Her head was in the clouds and she had great ambitions. Times were rough down there and approaching the 90s, the Soviet Union was crumbling. Crime, violence, and substance/drug abuse was crazy. My mom would constantly sneak out, get involved with super sketchy stuff and people, started smoking at age 12, and has had a lot of rough patches throughout her life. My mom praises my grandpa all the time, saying how he was funny, cool, and loving (he was a drunk, a workaholic, would cheat on my grandma, and was involved with sketchy groups of people who killed him).
Yes. Narcissism runs on my maternal side.
Interestingly, all of them were the golden children of their mothers. And they all participated in scapegoating their siblings.
Yes , my NFather had a very abusive childhood.
His mother was physically abusive and maybe a narcissist aswell.
No my gran and grandad we’re the sweetest
They we’re ashamed of my nmom.
They tried to protect me (sg) as much as possible
My paternal family are generational narcissists. They held resources from my father till their death, despite being rich.
ND married NM who picked up his narcissism from Stockholm Syndrome due to her trauma.
And ND did the same to me, but worse because I’am a girl. I left, covered on scars, mind full of trauma. They are still withholding resources.
Funny thing is, my ND despised what his NPs did to him. Only to follow their footsteps.
Nope, they were raised well, my grandparents aren’t bad. Spoiled kids can grow up to be narc parents easily.
My nmom has a nmom also, much more overt and grandiose. My mother has never said a king thing about her own mother, and rightfully so. My ngrandparent is a bitch. Any time I’ve tried to approach my own mother’s behavior, no matter the approach, has always been sobbing, “That’s what my mother did.”
So…why are you doing the exact same thing?
Yes
I am torn on my father. Because he was honestly really caring and dedicated but I occasionally caught him doing narcissistic things (only realizing it looking back). Like being happy I got the lsat I wanted celebrating but also throwing in “if only you could have also gotten higher”. But then ontop of that the dude is sitting in the parking lot for 3 fucking hours waiting for my lsat class he drove me to until I’m done because he didn’t want me taking public transit because he wanted me to just “focus on learning”. And then when I offer him a place to stay if I make it off disability so he didn’t have to stat in the area which sucked him literally refusing and saying “that’s your money”.
I think my dad was 95% normal being scapegoated and 5% adopting narc tendencies.
Given his brothers being 99% narc I’m happy with what i did get though.
Yes
No. His parents are and brothers are all decent human beings.
Mum’s dad was a pedo, married a girl when he was 23 and she was 9. Got her pregnant at 11. She passed down horrible anxiety issues to all of up
Dad’s parents would hit him like hell. He told me when he didn’t do homework in grade 2 his dad (airforce officer) kept him outside the house and made him sleep outside near canals with literal shit in in and there were huge pigs roaming around. His mother was chronically ill.
Well…it’s a circus.
Yes. Ndad hates his mother, but takes a lot after her, and he was raised and spoiled by his grandmother who was horribly abusive and mean to his mother. History repeats itself
Yup. I’ve only heard the stories of what grandma was like. She had 3 different husband’s, 2 kids with each, and raised 6 of the kids on her own to my knowledge. All her daughters, my mother included, are just nightmares to hang around. All my uncles though are so sweet and I honestly feel for them so bad because their sisters and wives around them abuse and manipulate them so much. Is there some patterning here? Certainly. Will anyone do anything about it? Not a chance.
Yes. At least my dad told me he would not hit the head, that’s not good. Wasn’t good for him either 🙄
Yes
Yes and I’m sure my grandparents had nParents too.
My grandparents were product of the Great Depression and Fascism in Italy under Mussolini.
Grandfather served in WWII. Came home home all fucked yo and just passed it down to my mom and she kinda passed it on to me but I’m trying real hard to break the cycle.
Yes.
I think my mother just has N tendencies and enmeshment issues her mother was the Nparent and she also ended up in a lot of relationships with dark triad men. She ended up giving birth to my NSis who kept a lot of N practices going on in the family. I think my mother developed N traits because she was always being mistreated and being selfish and manipulating people into existing just to please her was the only way that she knew to keep people close.
Yes, and it took me until I was in my 40s to figure it out because I never had a close relationship with my grandparents, and now I know why.
Yes there seems to be a genetic (and environmental) component on my dad’s side with all the men but only a few of the women.
Yes
Her father died when she was young, but the few stories she’s told about him, he sounded abusive. My grandmother used tools (hangers, extension cords, etc) to beat her children and grandkids up to me (#3 of 11). None of my younger cousins got hit by her because she learned other ways to discipline when they came along a decade later.
Definitely. She and a sister were sent to live with a childless aunt and uncle when she was 5 and it sounds like her sister was treated as the Golden Child by them. I never met my aunt more than 5 times and my ‘grandparents’ maybe 20 times so only have my mother’s word for it. If the stories she makes up about me are anything to go by most of it is in her head.
I hang out on this sub because my mother was/is toxic, but she’s not narcissistic, she’s BPD, I guess, with a huge anxiety disorder.
And yes, my poor mom (I’m LC but I understand how she became problematic)…
Her mom, my grandmother.. She was a child during WW1, she became an orphan at 15, was raised in a school /pension Jane Eyre-like, then was a young bride with a young child during WW2 and spent the nazi occupation worried that they would all be deported because her husband was a free mason. (We’re all French.)
My grandmother was kind at heart, but very damaged by all of this, and she raised her daughter, my mom, in an atmosphere of fear, looming tragedy, and crippling anxiety.
So… No narcissism here really, just tragedy and war creating a generational curse… That hopefully stopped with me and that I didn’t transmit to my children.
I kid you not I can count 4 generations of nparents in my family
no
No, my adopted mother’s mom was an angel on earth. My adopted grand dad was a bit stern, but I didn’t see him as narcissistic. He was a family man running a company.
My adopted mother is a narcissist. My biological egg donor and her mother are narcissists.
That family is riddled with narcissists. They ran a whore house and the grand mother was the madam.
My nmom certainly did. Her mother was very sweet and a good person. She raised me and saved my life more times than I can count. Her nfather was an alcoholic with severe mental health problems and he tormented my aunt and uncle their whole childhoods. He left when mom was 10 years old and his abandonment of her really damaged her even though she had a lot of positive influences in her life.
My father, while not raised by one, also had significant childhood trauma. His mother died when he was 12. He has major surviors guilt because he was alone at home with her and he didn’t know what to do. His father drank and was no doubt off somewhere. When my grandmother died, he was so consumed with his own grief that he shipped him off to his grandmother’s house and had a poor relationship with him after that.
My nmom then had two other kids who both have pretty narcissistic tendencies. The verdict is still out on my brother but my nsis is so obviously cut from the same cloth as my nmom. They were incredibly close when they weren’t bickering with each other.
I know I’m not perfect myself but I acknowledge my CPTSD and am mindful of the things that trigger me so I can do better. I don’t want that to be my future. It helps that I had one person who believed in me and showed me there could be a better way. My grandma knew what my mom was. She couldn’t protect me from everything, but she was one of the only people my nmom would listen to and the world is a worse place without her. But she taught me how to be patient and kind even when the world is spitting in your face. She was a much better person than me, but I do my best to follow her example and not make the same mistakes my family did.
Probably. nmom prevented me from developing a strong enough relationship with her parents for me to judge their personalities to that level
My n-dad’s parents were great, my grandmother on my n-mom’s side passed when she was young, and my grandfather on her side I only ever met once.
My dad’s dad was very controlling, racist and homophobic.
And yet he proudly told me he neglected my dad, who idolized him.
I think if you asked my mom she would say yes — but a lot of the things my mom disliked about her mom are positive character traits in my book. Looking out for the underdog, kindness to animals, being active in the community and opening up her home to those in need.
Of course if you ask my mom and her siblings, grandma was an easy mark for bad people, and didn’t prioritize her kids over strangers. As an adult now, I imagine that both things were probably true; I’m sure my mom felt abandoned by her mom and lashed out at the character traits that allowed that to happen. But there are also a ton of stories of grandma doing things that I think are admirable, that I wish more people in society did.
I remember as a teenager being appalled at how my grandma’s adult children treated her. My grandma had vocal spasmodia and deafness so it was hard for her to participate in conversations, and the kids just kind of shut her out and got irritated when she asked them to repeat themselves, or give her a minute to form sentences. It enraged me to watch my mom, who demanded so much respect from me, disrespect her own mother like that — especially over things she couldn’t control.
I’m still trying to figure this out, because now I don’t trust the stories my Nmom had told me about them.
Yes, generational trauma my
Friend. I will be the first to end it.
Apparently dad was physically and emotionally abused by his mother. Apparently she hated him for ruining her life. (She was only 15 when she got pregnant and in 1939 a girl didn’t have options.) I say “apparently” because the family only discovered this about ten years ago when dad was babbling after anesthesia.
For whatever reason, he never laid a finger on us. But his evil mouth destroyed the minds of both his children.
Yep. My grandmother forced my mom to work at a young age and take care of her younger sister. My mom doesn’t know how to love me because her mom never loved her. Their relationship was purely transactional, my grandma would only show care towards my mother when my mother was able to give her money.
No. Her parents were amazing. Her dad basically raised me, died only a couple months ago unfortunately, but he was the best grandparent i could have asked for. There was never any form of animosity or ungratefulness or even rudeness whatsoever from him. I think in 18 years he got upset with me once because of a misunderstanding.
Honestly I don’t know where it’s come from but apparently she’s always been like it (according to her sister).
On my mom’s side: No. They were both wholesome, supportive, intelligent people.
On my dad’s side: unsure. They are both severely mentally ill.
Oh yes. Both of my grandmothers were as narcissistic and narcissistic could be.
Moms mom was a sweetheart and was always trying to to hard to be nice. Leading to many issues like with spending to much money and her dad although use to being rough and tough. Was more strict than narc. It was grandma getting sick putting mom in a roll of being the parent to her siblings. Causing stress and putting her in a position of power and control at a young age that caused her narc mess. I am during smoking at 16 didn’t help.
Dad had the opposite. His mom was to afraid of his dad to do things and his dad was very clearly controlling and demanding. Allowing my dad to suffer a series of head injuries and telling him to wash the blood off and go play down. Instead of taking him to the hospital. (So when you hear “were you dropped on your head a lot as a child?” Dad says “yes”). So he ended up longing for that kindness and love. Which led to his motto of “never tell kids no so they have a better life than I did”.
I see the effects on my older brother and my parents youngest. Older bro got mom growing up. So he got that controlling and commanding parent and grew up struggling to make his own decisions and got quite the anger outbursts. Having learned to conceal don’t feel, don’t let it show. So when he does get mad and can’t hide it he snaps. Otherwise a nice person.
Older sis got half a heart instead of being raised by them and the youngest was tiny when dad ignored his and my warnings that he was going to get hurt and fell 32ft out of a tree. He retired and mom worked again. So the little one got the “I want to I’ve then everything I never had and make their life better than mine without hardship”. Thus has an ego the size of Neptune and demands you obey or get screamed at. Becoming worse than mom.
I was “lucky” and got a brain aneurysm and spent so much time blacking out and ending up in the hospital I got the diverse view points of the kind nurses, doctors, other patients and older folks. Giving me a better understanding of the world from a young age and showing me how I shouldn’t want to be like them. Which naturally incited mild rage in mom when I wouldn’t obey and frustrating dad as I got older and wanted fairness and understood mistakes are for learning and wouldn’t cater to his never say no attitude towards their other son.
Why when around people who don’t know this families hierarchy it’s fun. Cause some insist wolves raising me is more believable than her and dad raising someone as nice as me (naturally mom stopped associating with those who jokingly made the remarks). Had a few figure that they’re my grandparents. (One even tried to process it and asked if I was their pet cause I got a collar necklace from a friend and have my medical tags on it. Though was more shocked by the fact he was my father than when they were thinking I could be their pet.)
not sure, my mom told me randomly that one time when she was younger maybe around 6-7, she was singing and suddenly her mom said “stop singing it’s bad” and my mom never sang again. then she told me that my grandma was the worst mom but is a good grandma to me which I can for sure agree. I just wonder why she still talks to her mom even when she’s mean to her? I don’t know if I move out I’ll still keep in contact with my mom. I’ll feel bad to leave her alone.
Physically Abusive ones that rarely said they love you and disvalidated emotions. Now ofc they’re “angels”
The egg donor certainly did.
The old hag was evil.
Oh yeah. My mom’s parents get all their information from facebook and youtube and are huge conspiracy theorists who are full of themselves. so yeah for sure😭
Surprisingly no, but personality disorders do run in the family.
We got a histrionic personality who married an autistic who was raised by an Nmom (wonder why he married one/s) and they raised their own bp with ND (which is a surprisingly common combo) along with my Ndad
Now I’m the autistic scapegoat 🧍
Not sure. Nmom’s father passed away when she was in her late teens. She never discussed him. Her mother is not a narc.
My edad’s mother was a narc so I get why he picked my mother and stayed. He was comfortable with it.
No, but Nmom was an only child. She was the center of attention 24/7, and could do no wrong.
I have no idea. My mother’s mom died when she was 4 and she was raised by her grandmother only who got physical when she behaved badly. The grandma died when my mother was 16 and she was moved to her father who had like 5 other children from another woman. She said it was the first or second time idk when she met them and didn’t like them so she went to live to another family member. I am sure she was abandoned and was bullied bc of the death of her mother. I wish i knew the whole family lore it’s messssy.
I believe so. Grandiose, while my nmom is covert.
Yes.
She let my mother go without glasses for a good chunk of her childhood and completely ignored and gaslighted my mom about her concern and struggles, did similarly to an aunt about trauma in her childhood. And now has done the same for me and my trauma and disabilities. She also has extreme internalized misogyny and expects her daughters and any women of the family to get married off and become perfect maid slaves for their partners. Treats her boys with so much more grace, but also hates all their wives and bad mouths any woman and constantly lies and victimizes herself. Obsessed with her image and probably has more photos of herself than positive memories with her family. All her children aside from the 3 narcissists/otherwise abusers have cut contact, or limited contact, and I’m just about to as well. I was the only grandchild to visit or care for her, but because I wasn’t a perfect maid or servant, so oh well.
Both sides have narcissists but both sets of parents are just flat out awful human beings.
On my mom’s side, my grandpa has a second family, he’s murdered someone and covered it up, and he still does business with the Mexicans (mafia not cartel). My grandma is hardcore Pentecostal, always hides food from certain grandkids, and she always gaslights people.
On my dad’s side, my grandma was pretty bad when she was younger because she threw a vase at one of my aunts and she favored my dad’s younger brother over him. But, she mellowed out when I was born and I never had an issue with her, she got stage 4 cancer about 4 years ago and passed away two months later but she made things right before she crossed over (I still miss her). My grandpa on my dad’s side isn’t in my life at all and he walked out on my dad when he was 5, I met him when I was really little but I don’t remember because I was 1 or 2 at the most. He’s a registered sex offender and he’s wandering around NorCal last I heard.
Yup. My aunt was the golden child who became a nurse and stayed in the country to be there for my grandparents and my mother acted out as a teen before running off to England. Though my aunt is considerably better adjusted, possibly because she didn’t have kids to pass on the trauma to.
Yes, makes me worried I’ll be one too 😖😞
My mothers father was probably a narcissist. Her mother was a nice woman , she brought us all up until her death and that’s when my mothers “reign of terror” sorta began. We were left alone to deal with her , and all her brothers and sisters chose to look the other way while she abused her children. I have nothing to do with any of my family now , it’s too much trauma to take on and deal with , sometimes all you can do for your mental health is leave them all
No.
That’s what’s weird about it all. She had an nGrandma. Apparently it can skip a generation like (her) red hair.
Yes. Both my parents had Nmoms and pushover dads. My mom has told me countless times her and my dad settled for each other because they could tolerate each other’s mother (since they had a crazy one of their own). I married a man from a health family that my parents can’t stand because he doesn’t bow to them.
Yeah, I didn’t know it until I lived with that grandparent though. Everything made sense and the decades of strained on again off again relationships made so much more sense. I also saw my future if I decided not to go no contact and decided I’d rather have no relationship at all than decades of that. It would have just been an endless continuation of hateful mother daughter relationships. Fuck that.
Nope
My nmother came from an incest situation (first cousins marriage)
I feel like in some countries where its common to marry cousins like Pakistan/Iraq, so the incest/inbreeding percentage is high, the narcissist percentage is also very high.
Yes, NM had an NM. Her two sisters learned their lessons and raised two beautiful daughters, but NM became just like her.
Oh yeah. My maternal grandmother was like the final boss of narcissism in my family. My dad’s parents were alcoholics and he had a lot of really sad stories about having to grow up with shitty drunks for parents. Neither of them learned shit from what they went through.
Yes, they literally said “I grew up like that too, and I suffered too”. “And you consciously decided to inflict that upon your children as well, aware that they’ll suffer?” “I didn’t think too much about it”.
Yep, and she always talks about it
My mom is a covert. Her mom is a covert. I think her grandpa was a overt. My dad is an overt. I don’t think either of his parents were. He had zero boundaries as a kid and was highly praised.
My mom definitely did and I never heard the end of it growing up. If I got upset with her, she always reminded me that her father did worse. It’s probably true that her father was worse but it didn’t cancel out/justify what she did to me.
The real irony of the situation was that my mom also named me after him. So I was his favorite grandchild and her least favorite kid. She named me after him for cultural reasons (a lot of Greeks name the kid after their parents). But it still makes me feel like I was doomed from the start.
Yes, and my ngrandmother makes my nmom look like a Saint, I can’t say that I forgive my nmom but sometimes my heart hurts that she didn’t have the protection she needed, then she goes and does something crazy to me so you know:
Probably. My nmom’s parents were cold fish. We had to call them by their names and they were never interested in so much as a hello.
I don’t know if they’re narcissists, but they were definitely abusive. Plus they came out of WW2, so they had a ton of PTSD.
Dunno shit about my grandparents. Though I believe my step grandma sounds like she was one. My mother is and so is my sister. My mom’s bio mom died when she was 5. So don’t think any of us know anything about her.
Dunno enough about my dad’s side. I don’t think he’s a narcissist, but definitely an enabling person. As well as abused me. Just there’s a lot he’s done that makes me question if he’s a narcissist, and seems like he’s the victim in his own ways. Never excuses how he hurt me, but yeah. His family has a history of abuse though too.
Yep. Both of my maternal grandparents are narcs. My grandfather is a savior/egomaniac, my grandmother is a professional victim and hypochondriac.
My mother is a horrible combination of both.
In many ways it made it a little easier to recognize the patterns and avoid them
My grandparents from dad’s side seem normal, especially grandma, grandpa sometimes isn’t the nicest towards my depression and has laughed at some stuff that hurt me but idk. I always liked him when I was younger.
Grandparents from mom’s side are unknown to me as she never talks about them and I never met them as they live in another country but my dad said grandpa left my mom when she was young.
I’m not sure if my mom is a narcissist even tho she mistreated me but my dad is for sure. I don’t really understand but I’ve been told some people change when they get older so maybe the grandparents weren’t as nice before and also it can be different children vs grandchildren.
Yes. So I’m breaking the motherfucking chain. I’d rather die than end up like them.