I have been a bit of oddball my whole life.
My hobbies are ‘manly’- distance running, martial arts, weight lifting, target shooting.
I am feminine- at first look. Before my current partner, almost every guy I went out with at some point brought up the same complaint:
You are always around men (hobbies and friends), you think like a man. You must need validation.
Was talking to the other women at our martial arts gym and they had similar experiences.
Do men do this because they are insecure or use as cop out of not being into a woman rather than straight up telling her?
I don’t get it. Women are not a monolith. Not all of us bake cookies, wear skirts or have only female friends. Almost as if personal interests/male presence are an indicator of promiscuity or weaker morals.
Comments
I mean, maybe? I’m a butch lesbian so I just take it as descriptive. Maybe they’re trying to insult me but I don’t have the social intelligence to figure it out. Or the interest.
It’s not about you being more ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’. They’re intimated by you and know they won’t measure up to you so they say things like this to put you down to feel better about themselves. Best not to waste any time on men like this. Go find someone who sees all that you do and all that you are and is proud of you and thinks you’re amazing!
Could be intimidating other men.
I kind of disagree with the others. I think they are ‘strong feminine’ hobbies basically almost masculine. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with a guy who was into makeup, fashion, baking, sewing, and stereotypically feminine things. Personally I would be turned off by a guy into many super ‘feminine’ hobbies because I want a masculine man. I doubt they are intimidated just probably want a stereotypically feminine woman.
No it’s mostly women who do that to me and they use different language (“cool girl” “pick me” “not a girls girl” etc).
Really depends on the guy and the context, sometimes they mean it in a positive way and other times it’s negative, but it’s never really a compliment. They’re either saying you’re ~not like other girls~ (misogyny) or they’re saying you’re too masculine (…also misogyny lol)
This feels like a very middle school ass thing to say
>Do men do this because they are insecure or use as cop out of not being into a woman rather than straight up telling her?
They say it because they mean it, insecure or not. They say it because you don’t fit the mold, they want you to fit the mold, and that makes them not like you.
Thank goodness. Someone who has that attitude, someone who’s gonna like you less because of who you are, is not boyfriend material.
I’ve always sort of rode the line between masculine and feminine as far as dress and hobbies. Back when I was young, many moons ago, I got that as a compliment. In either regard, I don’t care. Being a girly girl or not, makes no difference. If someone is trying to insult you with it, ask them what they mean. Make them explain why you are supposed to be insulted. Because, quite frankly, all women are interesting in their own way, whether dressed to the 9’s as a girlie girl, or a casual jean wearing welder girl. All wonderful women.
I’ve had every guy but my current boyfriend make some type of complaint that I am more masculine than feminine. I am both but probably lean more masculine for sure. Not sure why that’s such an issue. I guess it’s insecurity because my current boyfriend is much more secure than anyone I’ve ever been with and he’s the only one to never complain.
Guys who want to bring you down will find something innocuous that you are even proud of to criticize. If you were into more stereotypically feminine things, those kinds of guys would call them frivolous.
It speaks to their character, rather than letting others simply exist without judgement. 🤷🏻♀️
It’s like the guys who go out of their way to find and criticize female standup comedians. I don’t find a ton of male comics funny, but you won’t find me in their comment sections insisting that they cater to my sense of humor, you know? Those men want you to cater to their ideas of what women should be. They aren’t the main character in your life; you are.
No, for me,… it’s usually used as a compliment. Guys I’ve met have always been intrigued, drawn to, and loved the contradiction.
I also present as very girly/feminine (and mostly excel in things that are considered “feminine” like arts, calligraphy, dancing, piano, baking,..), I have over 1m long hair, pretty exclusively wear bright floral/lace dresses and skirts… But I’m very into MMA, ice hockey, horror, seinen/shouen manga, etc. Have 4 brothers and I talk exactly like them. They say I’m even more masculine than they are and that if I printed one of their photos and stuck it on my face, no one would realise.
When guys realise I’m way more well versed in MMA/ice hockey/gaming or whatever supposed masculine things are, or am not some casual/shallow fan they’re super into it 🤷♀️
I’m like you—very feminine at first glance, but a total tomboy, and I’ve received similar comments. I think it’s the dumb guy’s way of complimenting me—and I’ve heard it for the most mundane things like, “you’re not like the girly girls, you eat food.” These men think women want to be elevated above other women, but I grew out of that when I was like 12.
Your interests aren’t “manly”. There’s tons of folks that love these things that aren’t cis men. Gender and sex have nothing to do with it.
Men who can’t conceive of their female partners who do activities that may heavily involve men can’t conceive that you can have friends and acquaintances that are men and not cheat. It’s that simple.
It’s not supposed to be an insult, until they cheat on you with someone “more feminine” lmao
I’ve heard it plenty but when I have they don’t seem to think it’s an insult and I have to explain that it most definitely is
As a feminist my view is this- they have been brought up to think that women are nothing more than vanity objects….when they find out you’re into cool shit they have to call you ‘one of the guys’ or ‘not a girly girl’ or ‘different from other girls’ because that’s the only way they can comprehend your tastes and interests and depth and make it make sense in their world view… You must be one of the guys, or ‘different than’, an exception, to be into things they’re into.
I have to explain the insult is that I’m not some ‘outlier’ ‘exception to women everywhere’, I AM A COOL WOMAN EXACTLY LIKE THE OTHER GIRLY GIRLS!!! Why? Because I AM A GIRL! I like cool shit! it just means I’m a dope human woman and if they take the time to get to know more women….I bet they’ll find a lot more like me!
Usually they come around then, like women are humans with depth and many varied interests??? I like to think I’ve made some men more aware of their language/attitudes surrounding this.
But if they’re not coming from a place of openness or really do mean it as an insult, I just tell them to fuck themselves 🤷🏼♀️😂