I’ve met someone I really like (we’ll call this person A). We’ve mostly been in contact over the phone the past few years (except for one brief date two years ago).
Now, we’ve seen each other eight times in the past two weeks, and we have really good chemistry.
But my dilemma starts here…
I’ve been dating a bit here and there over the past two years, and in that context, about a year ago, I met someone (B) whom I became really good friends with. We saw each other quite a bit and even kissed, but we never went further than that. B wanted something more serious than I did, and B eventually ended up getting a girlfriend.
Fast forward to March when B breaks up with his girlfriend, and I start seeing B again (I made it clear that this time I was looking for something serious — implicitly not with B), and we agreed to just be friends. Then in April, we went out, got drunk, and kissed again… which was stupid because I don’t have any feelings involved, but B does. After that wet night, I pulled back from B a bit.
Now, a week ago, I met A again. I quickly put two and two together and found out that A and B know each other very well (like best friends).
I’ve therefore talked to A, and we both agree that we need to tell B. I quickly took on the responsibility because I don’t want to create tension between them and would rather take the hit myself.
But everything is still very new between A and me, and I’m afraid I might ruin our relationship because I know B will be very hurt, and I’m worried it might end up in mudslinging…
How should I approach this?
Side note: i’ve been single for 3 1/2 years 29F
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Backup of the post’s body: I’ve met someone I really like (we’ll call this person A). We’ve mostly been in contact over the phone the past few years (except for one brief date two years ago).
Now, we’ve seen each other eight times in the past two weeks, and we have really good chemistry.
But my dilemma starts here…
I’ve been dating a bit here and there over the past two years, and in that context, about a year ago, I met someone (B) whom I became really good friends with. We saw each other quite a bit and even kissed, but we never went further than that. B wanted something more serious than I did, and B eventually ended up getting a girlfriend.
Fast forward to March when B breaks up with his girlfriend, and I start seeing B again (I made it clear that this time I was looking for something serious — implicitly not with B), and we agreed to just be friends. Then in April, we went out, got drunk, and kissed again… which was stupid because I don’t have any feelings involved, but B does. After that wet night, I pulled back from B a bit.
Now, a week ago, I met A again. I quickly put two and two together and found out that A and B know each other very well (like best friends).
I’ve therefore talked to A, and we both agree that we need to tell B. I quickly took on the responsibility because I don’t want to create tension between them and would rather take the hit myself.
But everything is still very new between A and me, and I’m afraid I might ruin our relationship because I know B will be very hurt, and I’m worried it might end up in mudslinging…
How should I approach this?
Side note: i’ve been single for 3 1/2 years 29F
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You can’t date two people at once unless they are both consenting and aware of it. Either pursue B or pursue A. If A is willing to keep a secret from his “best friend” (which is a red flag in and of itself) that’s on him. But communication is key, so if you want to pursue with A, I’d tell B honestly what’s going on and leave it at that. Leading two people along is never ok!
But if A is willing to keep secrets from a “best friend” what sort of secrets will he be keeping from you if you all get more serious?
In all reality you should look for someone outside of A and B. Knowing that they’re friends…. They could try to treat you as a pass around between them. Loving the crew type or it could turn into a competition. The other hand, is that you tell B and he gets upset, makes things awkward with A, they stop being friends and your in the clear as long as u don’t have any hard feelings for how B will feel. But most of time unless B really really likes you, once A talks to him , he should respectfully back off of you and they’ll remain friends. I would be sure that you don’t have any feelings for B cuz it could be awkward if you and A are having a disagreement and B makes himself available knowing your past history. But aside from that, slow roll it. See if A wants to start taking things serious and go from there. Pray about it most importantly.
If B has feelings for you he won’t have them magically disappear if you start dating A.
If he continues to be your friend, and you date A, you need to realize he still wants you just as much as he did before. Are you comfortable with that?